Be All There

Hey ME (and maybe you)...listen up!

2012-03-08T13:09:00.000-08:00

When I was at a college homecoming/reunion this past October I wrote a post about what I would have said to my college self. The problem with that post is that I won't ever be college student again, so my great advice doesn't really help me.

I have been thinking recently about what I want to remind myself of regarding other phases or states of life I have already been through, and will go through (or am currently in) again. So here we go. Maybe some of these will resonate with and encourage you too.

Hey Emily...LISTEN UP!!!!

When you have a 3 year old... It's the worst age, really the worst. But just remember that Samantha at age 3 was an entirely different person than at age 4. The child who you seriously considered enrolling in multiple preschools just to have more breaks from her turned into the child you are really sad will be going to Kindergarten next year. This too shall pass.

When you are 18 weeks pregnant (and every week before and after that point)...There was nothing you could have done to cause or prevent the loss of your baby at 18 weeks. Remember that. There is nothing you can do now to cause or prevent another pregnancy loss. Rest in the fact that we are not in control. Rest in the One that is.

When you are post-partum and can't lose weight as fast as you would like...You did it twice, and you will do it again. It might take 12+ months, but it will come off. Give yourself grace. It takes you a long time, but in the long run who really cares if you have a few months of chubby pictures and tight clothes to show for it. Focus on that sweet baby. And remember, this time when you lose the weight it will be for keeps!

When your house is a disaster...Some day the kids will be at school, or out of the house for good, and the house will be spotless...and sooooo quiet...waaaay too quiet. When the day comes that you can actually keep the house clean, you might miss the days of a messy house and the baby/toddler/preschool years responsible for that mess. The mess means you have little ones who live and play in your home all day long, and that's a good thing. Try not to let it get to you so much.

When you are tired...like every day...take a nap whenever possible. Seriously. Let the house go and NAP! And go to bed earlier. Things seem overwhelming after 9 or 10pm, so call it a day and start fresh the next morning.

When you question your sanity or what the heck you are doing everyday...Read this post you wrote about being a stay-at-home-mom.

When you question if you are doing enough, if you are good enough as a mother...Read this awesome post someone else wrote and forget trying to carpe every diem, just try to carpe a few minutes each day, or a day or two each week. You love those children fiercely, and that is the best and the most you can do for them.

What would you like to say to yourself? Try writing it down somewhere, it is quite liberating.

Great post I read about empowering little girls that you should read too

2012-03-04T08:31:00.001-08:00

I have two girls, but even if I had boys, I think I would be passionate about girls feeling good about themselves for the right reasons. I have written a couple posts about empowering my girls, one about beauty and one about what feminism means to me.

I was initially afraid of having girls (in part) because of issues like self-esteem, weight, body-image, beauty etc. I think I was mostly afraid of the responsibility that would fall on me as their mother to teach, model, and empower where these issue are concerned, especially since I fight battles of my own in some of these areas. I have since turned a corner and now see that responsibility as one of my highest callings as their mother - and I'm up for it.

Yesterday I read a really great post at Rage Against The Minivan that makes me feel more empowered as a mother of girls. The post is called tips for preventing eating disorders in children If you have, or care about a little girl this is definitely worth a read.

These tips are short and sweet and memorable and spell S-M-I-L-E.

S - slow M - movies I - individuals L - love E - empower

All of this originally came from a blog at Rewrite Beautiful.

Here is a highlight of two of my favorite points...

S – Slow
From birth through their teenage years children are sculpting their values by modeling the behavior of their parents and care givers. If children are exposed to complaints about weight, wrinkles or the way jeans fit, they are going to become concerned over the same things. Slow down before voicing insecurity’s around children. Let your child’s caregiver know that eating disorders are at an all-time high and you would like them on your team as a positive, confident role model for your child.

L – Love
Children mimic our conversations. We show children through our conversations with others, “I LOVE Tracey’s new hair!” and “I LOVE Chloe’s new car”. Making it equally important for us to verbalize what we “LOVE” about other people’s behavior. Children need to hear, “I LOVE how Jackie loves on her animals” Or “I LOVE how Jasmine donates her dental services to kids who don’t have a dentist.” When kids hear this dialogue they will try to fit the mold of your ‘LOVING’.

CLICK HERE to read all five points from the post.

Picture from Rewrite Beautiful Website.

READY OR NOT, all aboard!

2012-02-27T09:33:00.000-08:00

Here's the story...

I am currently on a train ride...figuratively speaking.

I didn't plan to be on this train ride exactly.
I mean I wanted to take this train ride, but just not quite yet.

Whether you intend to get on the train or not, you don't get off of these kinds of trains. Unless the train stops short of the station. Which has happened to me three times.

I don't particularly enjoy train rides, in fact they make me really anxious and nervous. And big.

Yet it is the final destination that makes the twists and turns and train-sickness and emotional ups and downs involved in train rides totally worth it. TOTALLY, utterly, and completely worth it all.

Despite the fact that I wasn't planning on this train ride (at this time), I am thrilled and feel blessed, and I hope and pray with everything in me that this train goes all the way. All the way to mid-August.

August 22nd is the due date for this train ride. But early August would be OK too.

It's been almost 15 weeks on board and I would greatly appreciate your prayers for a smooth journey.

Thanks.

SNOW!

2012-02-21T08:19:00.000-08:00

One of our favorite annual traditions is spending President's Day weekend at Big Bear Lake with Chris' siblings. All 10 of us are graciously hosted by their uncle at his mountain home. This is the third year we have been fortunate enough to have GREAT SNOW for our holiday weekend together. And this is the first year that Abby was old enough to play on her own in the snow. She loved it. Of course she did.

We didn't have any snow in Chicago this Christmas, and San Diego isn't known for the white stuff, so it FILLED ME UP to be in snow, 40 degree temps, and the mountains for 3 days. I think mostly it reminds me of that glorious state of CO we called home for 7 years. That, and the Scandinavian in me feels at home in brisk temperatures and winter gear.

Outside the house we enjoyed walks in the snow, sledding, and a tubing hill. Most of the group skied on Saturday, but given our stage of life and the age of our kiddos we haven't yet been able to join them for that part of the weekend. I am a bit of a ski-snob after years of skiing in Breckenridge, Keystone, and Vail, but I will admit that this year the mountain looked REALLY appealing. Maybe in 5 years.

Inside the house we spent time eating together, watching movies, drinking coffee, napping, reading, and just sitting around together and talking. Enjoying the cousins enjoying each other is always a highlight of the weekend for me. It is a weekend where we can turn off and just BE. Chris' uncle and his wife are AMAZING hosts and make us all feel incredibly welcomed and cared for.

I'm already looking forward to next year.

A memorable movie theather experience on my 33rd birthday

2012-02-12T22:28:00.001-08:00

On Feb 3rd I turned 33. In some ways 33 sounds and feels "old" to me, I mean I am firmly "in my thirties" now. In other ways I still feel like a spring chicken and regularly have days where I don't feel old enough to be driving, let alone carting my offspring around with me. Anyway, back to my birthday...

It was a GREAT birthday. One of the best ever actually. Birthdays have been a growing and learning experience for us as a couple. There have been some hits and some misses. Chris has come a LONG way in the last 10 years. This year he completely out-did himself. So as not to embarrass him, I'll just say that breakfast, gifts, flowers, and written words (my love language!) were involved. It was wonderful.

The grand finale for my birthday was a date. I always have the same request for my birthday date...sushi and a movie. These two things are hard to come by these days, mostly because my husband isn't a fan of sushi and, well, we have children.

So we had a lovely sushi dinner (well I did, he had Korean BBQ), complete with a view of the sun setting over the ocean, and after dinner we went to a quirky theater, which is also a historical landmark in North County San Diego.

The theater looked something like this back in 1928 when it was first opened...

I doubt that the interior has changed much since then. Seriously.

Here is how the movie theater experience went. I'm not making any of this up.

- Arrive at theater at 6:10pm for 6:30pm movie. No one is there (except for a few confused patrons like ourselves), the box office is dark and clearly closed. But then we notice a sign that says, "Be back at 6:20pm". Ok.

- 6:25pm a borderline homeless looking man wearing a backpack, army boots, and accompanied by two small white dogs unlocks the theater door and disappears for a few minutes. The man reappears and flips on a light in the box office booth to take our payment (cash only) for the show.

- We enter the FREEZING cold theater lobby and check out the concession stand. I see hot tea on the menu. Interesting. We pay for candy, a soda, and hot tea. A rugged looking man takes a tea pot off of a hot plate and pours steaming hot water into a Styrofoam cup for me and then points to a stack of 5 boxes of herbal tea for me to choose from. Alright. I help myself to Pomegranate Pizazz, thank you.

- We enter the huge FREEZING cold theater and look for seats without large holes No kidding.

- It's 6:40pm. It's 6:50pm. People have trickled in and at 6:55pm they decide to start the 6:30pm showing of The Descendants.

- Oh, did I forget to mention that the two small white dogs from earlier are wandering around the theater darting down various rows and startling unsuspecting movie-goers? Yep, they sure were.

- We FREEZE while watching the movie, but at least I had my hot tea and the film took place in Hawaii, which both helped...a little bit.

It was a hilarious and very entertaining movie experience thanks to the theater, and it made my 33rd birthday even more memorable.

I love that in this time and place dominated by money, the clock, and the allure of all things new, shiny, and beautiful, places like La Paloma Theater still exist. It was rustic and grungy and homemade and TOTALLY charming. We'll be back to this theater for sure, maybe when I'm 34...and we'll dress warmer.

When life is hard

2012-02-06T10:18:00.000-08:00

Life is really hard sometimes.

Over the past few months some REALLY terrible and difficult things have happened to dear friends.

I'm honestly not sure what is worse, painful events in my own life, or painful events in the lives of people I love.

When terrible things happen in life I have come to learn through experience and observation that there are three simple things we can do. Three simple things that can help both the receiver and the giver.

PRAY. Is there a greater gift you can give another person than prayer? And I'm not talking about just saying that you will pray. I'm talking about really praying...regularly...or on the spot...or over the phone...or even through a text or email. This might seem uncomfortable at first, but I have learned through a friend who is in the habit of praying for me at the end of our phone conversations that it is such a gift to be prayed for right then and there. I mean what better thing can you do for someone than implore the God of the universe on their behalf??? Yes, please. Anyone can do that for me, anytime.

GO THERE. I mean physically go there. Sometimes even if they don't want you to go there. Whether it is the hospital, or their home, go there. If you aren't super close to the person just drop something at their door. Or if you live far away, mail something. It is very meaningful to know someone made the effort to come to your home to reach out in support. You can just insist on a quick hug. You don't have to stay long, and there are never "the right words to say" so no point in fretting about that. It is about presence. It is about physically being with someone who is hurting and hurting with them. One of the most meaningful things that has ever happened in my life was when a wonderful friend had heard the news of us losing our baby boy 18 weeks into pregnancy and she showed up at our door, unannounced, with a gallon of milk, ingredients for tacos, tears, and a hug. I have no idea what she said other than "I'm so sorry." I know I didn't want to see anyone at the time, but I was SO GLAD she took the risk and came to see me. I will never forget that.

FOOD. Bring food. Milk, cookies, a full grocery bag, a prepared dinner, a loaf of bread, a gift card for a restaurant, WINE!...whatever. It's simple really, but it is a way to meet a physical need. It helps someone in a fog of grief or sadness or depression to not have to think about one more thing and save their energy.

These three things have made a big difference in my life during a hard time and so I can only imagine that they would make a difference in some way for others. Challenges and sadness will just keep happening in this life, so it is good to get into practice of how to support friends and family when those times come.

I don't want to end this post without some hope so I will share a paraphrase my (therapist) husband often sites from Kahlil Gibran about sadness and joy... "to the extent you truly experience sorrow, you will experience joy." Follow that? If I have known deep sorrow my joy will be bigger and deeper. I think this is true. I know that because of my pregnancy losses I look at my girls differently, more thankfully.

In my greatest time of grief my dad shared with me how C.S. Lewis relates sorrow and joy: "the pain now is part of the happiness then." In his book A Grief Observed Lewis reminds us that the pain we confront while living on earth, in what Lewis calls the shadowlands, will - one day - serve to intensify the joy of a shadowless heaven (my dad's quote).

Laura Story has another philosophy on pain in her amazing song Blessings..."What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life is the revealing of a greater thirst than this world can satisfy."

These lofty concepts are things we can come to realize after much time and reflection and I believe really do address the problem of pain and speak of hope and redemption. But in the moment, in the thick of it, we need prayer, presence, and food. We need love and support from people who care about us, or even from strangers.

Family weekend

2012-01-29T20:25:00.000-08:00

This weekend was a weekend of family. Our CA family: 2 grandparents, 3 siblings + 3 spouses, 4 grandkids.

We all live in the same state, but the busyness of life and the daunting LA traffic make it so that getting together still takes effort. We all made the effort this weekend and carved out time to spend a couple days together. One night all 12 of us even slept under the same roof, something we haven't done for a very long time, maybe ever.

Due to the logistics of taking care of a 21 month old (one with a fever no less), and wanting to give Chris as much beach and water time as possible with everyone, I experienced a lot of this weekend from a bit of a distance.

The advantage of seeing things from a distance, or through a camera lens, is that you get to observe and absorb a little more.

I enjoyed watching and just taking in...

Hospitality
2 spectacular sunsets
Couples taking time for walks
Siblings remembering childhood
Grandparents enjoying grandchildren
Cousins loving every second together
Cooking and cleaning with and for each other
A family enjoying their happiest place on earth (the beach!)
A Sunday morning hike appreciating God's creation and reflecting on His greatest gift
A living room scattered with toys representing play and the messy creativity of childhood
My husband sharing his love for surfing with his daughter, his nephew, and his brother-in-law

It's the little quiet moments that make a family a family.

By far my favorite shot of the weekend.

Because I need to document this stuff...

2012-01-26T21:23:00.000-08:00

Today while doing the dishes I came clean to Samantha and said,

"Sometimes I get really tired of doing the dishes."

To which she very quickly responded,

"Yeah, I'll bet you wish you were a Daddy."

Ouch.

Then, at the end of the night,
Sam and I went next door to our favorite neighbor's house to borrow something,

and when we came back we were met by

THIS GIRL...

Apparently this ensemble was totally her idea.

Never a dull moment around here.

And just for the record, please note Daddy in the background doing the dishes.

Sunset quinoa salad recipe

2012-01-25T12:34:00.000-08:00

You know you "live in the West" if you are familiar with Sunset magazine.

Sunset is similar to Midwest Living, or Southern Living...only more organic, more green, more ocean/mountains, and more cool. Don't those words just sum up "the west"? It is a great magazine that covers gardening, houses, food, and travel.

While I definitely established in my last post that I am not gifted in the cooking arena, I recently tried out a GREAT salad recipe from Sunset and I think it is worth sharing.

This is a totally yummy, totally California, totally easy, totally healthy salad that I made for a dinner with neighbors last weekend. I will be making it again.

Quinoa Salad with Chicken, avocado, and oranges

1 1/4 cups quinoa
1 teaspoon chili powder
3 teaspoons minced garlic, divided
Zest of 1 lime
2 teaspoons plus 3 tbsp. olive oil
1 teaspoon kosher salt, divided
pepper, divided
1 pound boned, skinned chicken thighs
1/4 cup lime juice
1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro
4 large oranges, peeled and segmented
2 ripe avocados, peeled and cubed

1. Cook quinoa according to package directions and fluff with a fork. Transfer to a large bowl and let cool.
2. Preheat broiler with a rack set 4 to 6 in. from heat. In a large bowl, stir together chili powder, 2 tsp. garlic, the lime zest, 2 tsp. oil, and 1/2 tsp. each salt and pepper. Add chicken and toss to coat. Put chicken on a baking sheet and broil, turning once, until browned and cooked through, about 12 minutes total. Let cool slightly, then slice and add to reserved quinoa.
3. Add remaining ingredients to quinoa and chicken; toss to coat.

I used chicken breasts and just baked them. Click here for nutritional info, but trust me, it's healthy.

We LOVE Sunset magazine.
It makes a great gift for anyone you know who "lives in the West."

Dream Dinners...yes, yes they are

2012-01-22T21:04:00.000-08:00

This post is dedicated to my mother, who remains skeptical.

There are only a few inventions I would put in the "changed my life" category. The hair diffuser, coffee, and the dishwasher come to mind. And there is also Dream Dinners. Never heard of it? Allow me to explain.

I was first introduced to Dream Dinners through a fundraiser for MOPS when I was 8 months pregnant with my second daughter. I had a blast assembling the meal with friends, cooking the food at home was a breeze, and the dinner was excellent. We quickly and easily decided to sign up for a months worth of meals so that we would have good and relatively simple dinner options once Abby was born.

Well, that was almost 2 YEARS ago, and we are still going strong with Dream Dinners. 12 meals a month, without fail, and we are happy happy customers.

How does it work?

- Look at the menu for the month and choose 36 servings worth of meals. For us, that usually comes out to 12 3-serving meals.
- Sign up for a day to assemble or pick up my meals. Our Dream Dinners waives the assembly fee for new moms for the first couple months, and since I have continued to order each month since Abby was born they have continued to waive that fee. I think it would be fun to assemble the ingredients myself, but this is way easier.
- Show up, pick up, and pay (usually around $170 for 12+ meals a month).
- Stock my freezer.
- Pull out 3 meals a week to thaw in the refrigerator.
- Follow no-brainer cooking instructions and make a dinner.
- When needed, add my own veggies and sides to complete the meal.
- Smile and serve.

Who does it work for?
It works for individuals like me, who...
- Enjoy cooking for entertaining purposes, but don't dig it for weeknight dinner purposes.
- Married someone who really appreciates good food, and variety.
- Are not organized enough to do good meal planning.
- Are not smart or frugal grocery-shoppers.
- Have spouses who don't get home from work until later (6:45pm in my case) and therefore are on their own to make dinner at the end of the day with small children running rampant through the house. Witching hour anyone?
- Have NO ENERGY LEFT by 5pm when you are supposed to be making dinner.

Who might it not work for?
- Vegetarians, or others with restrictive food issues or allergies. Dream Dinners meals are mostly meat-centered (we almost always go with the chicken, but there are plenty of pork, fish, and red-meat options too).
- People who love to cook and are good at planning and grocery shopping and perhaps have spouses that come home from work at 4pm. Must be nice to be you.

Why I think it's great..or, my sales pitch...
- I am able to provide my family with a variety of great dinners that are WAY better than what I would come up with myself. Former monthly menu: something Italian, something Mexican, something involving chicken/rice/vegetables. Repeat.
- At 5:30pm after a long day with two small children I am all too happy to follow simple instructions to make these meals.
- It is healthy. The nutrition facts are online so you can see for yourself. I have successfully lost weight eating Dream Dinners meals.
- It saves us money. I am totally sure of it. Not only do I trust my friend who is a numbers/money person and "did the math" to show why Dream Dinners is economical for her family, but now we hardly ever grab take-out which also helps the budget.
- I am at the grocery store so much less. Not only do less trips to the grocery store mean a happier me (are there people out there who actually enjoy grocery shopping?), but when I go to the store I am only going for the basics (breakfast, lunch, produce). And less time in the grocery store = less money spent in the grocery store and less junk food purchased.
- A lot of the meals are big enough for leftovers or lunches, which means we are actually getting more than 12 meals a month. Again, this saves money, and time.
- Every once in awhile I order a 6-serving meal that I can use with company and makes entertaining a breeze.
- My kids like a lot of the food.
- Saves time. Saves cleaning. Saves sanity...and really, can you put a price on that?

Who else thinks it's great...
Oprah, Bob Greene, Nate Berkus, Dr. Phil. Ever heard of them?

Sample of my January meal menu...
- Roast beef stuffed french bread
- Butternut ravioli with carmelized onions
- Cod almondine with lemon cream sauce
- Savory grilled chicken with sesame honey butter
- Kentucky pork chops
- Chicken enchiladas
- Chicken with lemon and artichoke sauce
- Creamy tortellini with bacon
- Pub style chicken with mashed potatoes
- Texmex BBQ turkey wraps

There is honestly not a week that goes by that Chris and I don't say something resembling, "Dream Dinners is the best," or "What would we do without Dream Dinners?," or "Why would we ever stop doing this?".

Click here and see if there is a Dream Dinners in your area. Give it a try for a month or two and see what you think.

Happy cooking everyone.

Happy Birthday to this guy

2012-01-18T13:05:00.000-08:00

Amazing husband,

phenomenal father,

best friend,

partner for life,

support,

strength,

entertainment

...and so much more.

This is the 12th birthday I have been blessed to celebrate this guy as his gal. Lucky, lucky me.

I had a helper this year in getting his birthday breakfast all ready.

She was pretty excited for Daddy's birthday and embraced her roll as table-setter with great passion.

I was pretty excited that VGs took care of part of breakfast and the birthday cupcakes this year.

And I'm also pretty excited to take the birthday boy out to dinner tonight.

It's good we all have a day that is all about us.

People's lives are worth celebrating.

Especially my husband's life!

First post of the year

2012-01-09T21:27:00.000-08:00

Not that anyone has been waiting with bated breath for me to post in 2012, but the reasons for not posting anything yet this year are many, including but not limited to...

- I am just now recovering from Christmas travel to Chicago and staying up past midnight with friends on New Year's Eve. Old, I'm seriously getting old.
- Since New Year's Day nothing has happened worth writing about. Nothing. Thank goodness.
- We just recently took down our Christmas decorations. How could I blog when I should be taking down the tree?
- I'm T-I-R-E-D, and frankly don't have many thoughts running through my head lately.
- MOPS is starting on Friday and any energy I do have has been directed toward preparing for our first meeting of the new semester.

But since I don't want to get totally out of the habit of writing, and since it is that time of year again, I will share a rough version of my New Year's Resolutions. I could write about 20 New Year's resolutions every year (I'm that kind of person), but I am going to limit myself to 5 for now.

January 5th sunset

Embrace the ocean and beach more. What's the name of this blog again? Be All There...wherever you are..."live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God." Well, I believe moving to CA was God's plan for our family and I want to embrace the beach more...'cause that's where I am. I also want to grow in my love for the thing that my husband loves so much. I have brought the girls to the beach twice so far this year to watch the sunset and play in the sand (which always turns into playing in the water). It was a lot of work, not relaxing, messy, and way more tiring than putting on a TV show for them at 5pm, but MAN OH MAN watching the sun set over the ocean is a spiritual experience that trumps all of the aforementioned inconveniences. Not to mention that watching my kids at the beach is an extremely joyful activity for me. The beach and the ocean are spectacular works of art that I am incredibly blessed to have access to, and I want to get to know them both more. No Chris, this does not mean I am ready for surfing lessons quite yet. Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Read more. I had good momentum with reading last year and want to keep it up. Right now I am reading Moloka'i for book club and I want to read One Thousand Gifts for myself.

Find a workout/exercise I love...and do it often. It might be yoga or pilates...or it could just be walking...I know it isn't running...and I don't even have to try Zumba to tell you that's NOT it. I want to keep experimenting and find a way to move and be healthy that I truly enjoy. I want to workout because it makes me feel good, not because I feel like I should do it or because it burns a lot of calories.

January 9th sunset

Keep dating. We managed to do 2 dates a month in 2011 and I think that is reasonable to strive for again this year. 2012 is the year we celebrate 10 years of marriage, after all.

Be more peaceful. On the outside I may seem pretty peaceful to those who know me, but inside things are usually going a million miles an hour. I want to slow down. I want to be more present with my kids, more OK with a messy house, more at rest with myself and my daily circumstances. I really truly do want to be all there...wherever I am. I want to pray more and read the Bible more. I want to rest more on the inside and the outside. I want to have better margins in my life. Margins could be a resolution in and of itself, but I will lump it in here with being more peaceful. I want peace even in this crazy exhausting toddler/preschool stage of life.

2012 has a nice ring to it and I am really excited for this year.

12 pictures for the 12 months of 2011

2011-12-31T13:31:00.000-08:00

This is the day of the year when you are supposed to get all nostalgic about the year that has passed.

So that is exactly what I am going to do here.

A lot of the big moments in 2011 have been captured on this blog.

But most of life happens in the simple moments.

I looked through random pictures from this year and chose a few highlights.

The little and beautiful moments of the year.

It's a wonderful and blessed life, that is for sure.

January

An unusually warm January day at the beach.

February

Annual trip to Big Bear with our CA family.

March

Just a typical nap for Samantha.

April

Celebrating birthdays.

May

Shenanigans.

June

A peaceful day in West Virginia...one of my last with my Grandma.

July

Backyard playdates.

August

Biggest cousin and littlest cousin, on Abby's dedication Sunday.

September

Sister love.

October

Abby and her buddy.

November

Love of my life.

December

Sweetness and stillness.

It's been a great year.
I look forward to what the next one will hold.

Happy New Year.

Christmas Top Ten

2011-12-30T12:02:00.000-08:00

We returned home from Chicago late last night.

It was a great trip, and although there wasn't any snow, it was 29 degrees one night, so that was fun.

Top 10 moments, themes, and highlights of Christmas 2011...

My mom's always gorgeous Christmas table and house decor.

A surprise visit from Santa (Uncle Doug) Claus.

Grandparent time = happy kids.

Add Papa's iPad, and they are even happier.

Christmas Day with 20 of 27 extended family members.

One special cousin/son/brother/grandson/nephew was especially missed.

My Dad seriously needs a support group for individuals

who can't stop themselves from buying too many Christmas gifts.

Although I'm sure the grandkids would disagree with me on that one.

13 stockings this year.

It's fun to have a brother-in-law with access to the church gym on a cold Chicago day.

Abby is ALL ABOUT DADDY right now.

Here she is sadly waiting for him to get out of the bathroom.

Loved being at my sister's cute Swedish house for 28 hours.

The 5 happy cousins.

(Here they are at Christmas 2010)

And just for the record here are the dates that were given this year between me and my sisters:

- (Chicago) Dinner at Chilam Balam and tickets to see Second City

- (Nashville) Dinner cruise and show aboard the General Jackson showboat

- (San Diego) Champagne Brunch in the San Diego Harbor with Flagship

It was a very merry Christmas.

The reason for the season

2011-12-25T06:00:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas.

The words to my favorite Christmas song say it all...

Welcome to our World
Chris Rice

Tears are falling, hearts are breaking

How we need to hear from God

You've been promised, we've been waiting

Welcome Holy Child

Hope that you don't mind our manger

How I wish we would have known

But long-awaited Holy Stranger

Make Yourself at home

Please make Yourself at home

Bring Your peace into our violence

Bid our hungry souls be filled

Word now breaking Heaven's silence

Welcome to our world

Fragile finger sent to heal us

Tender brow prepared for thorn

Tiny heart whose blood will save us

Unto us is born

So wrap our injured flesh around You

Breathe our air and walk our sod

Rob our sin and make us holy

Perfect Son of God

Welcome to our world

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Christmas card 2011

2011-12-23T08:12:00.000-08:00

As the BEAUTIFUL Christmas cards have been coming in this month (seriously people, you outdid yourselves this year!) it became more clear to me every day that we weren't going to be mailing one.

Why? A lot of reasons, ranging from me being a procrastinator, to not having even one good family photo, to our computer crashing and not wanting to recover all those addresses, to being cheap and green (no, those last two weren't real reasons, but saving money and trees makes me feel much better about the decision).

I recently discovered Smilebox and happily decided to go this route this year.

Merry Christmas to all!

This free digital ecard created with Smilebox

What feminism looks like for me (as a mother of girls)

2011-12-20T07:46:00.000-08:00

Feminism is a broad, loaded, and complex movement/ideology/theory.

Feminism touches politics, economics, education, religion, family, the workplace, and MOTHERHOOD.

I was raised in a household of all girls, and since we didn't have brothers to watch and compare ourselves to, there wasn't much questioning regarding what girls can do and what boys can do. My parents raised us to believe (and I still do) that we could do anything we wanted in life.

To tell you the truth, I never thought about feminism much...until I became a mother of a girl. Then, suddenly, I saw all of the inequality and injustice toward women in the world and my heart raced and ached toward making sure my girls knew they could be anything, and do anything, they wanted in life. My heart is bent on my girls having a strong and healthy self-concept and self-confidence.

I came across a feminist scholar named bell hooks (she purposely doesn't capitalize her name...how, er, feminist of her???) in grad school and I like what she has to say about feminism. You have to read this slowly to absorb it...

“Visionary feminism is a wise and loving politics. It is rooted in the love of male and female being, refusing to privilege one over the other. The soul of feminist politics is the commitment to ending patriarchal domination of women and men, girls and boys. Love cannot exist in any relationship that is based on domination and coercion. Males cannot love themselves in patriarchal culture if their very self-definition relies on submission to patriarchal rules. When men embrace feminist thinking and practice, which emphasizes the value of mutual growth and self-actualization in all relationships, their emotional well-being will be enhanced. A genuine feminist politics always brings us from bondage to freedom, from lovelessness to loving.” - bell hooks

Amen sister!

I've been reflecting on what feminism looks like for me as a mother of girls on a day-to-day basis, and here are just a few things I have come up with, a few choices I make in order to live out and reinforce certain messages for my kids:

- Books. I like reading books with my kids that highlight moms and dads sharing responsibilities equally. I also look for books that highlight women doing jobs and tasks that the world often assigns to men (carpenter, doctor, dentist, law enforcement, etc.)

- We don't do Barbies. I don't judge you if you do (I was raised playing with them), we just don't.

- I watch my language, especially about appearance and beauty. I did a post about this issue, here.

- I talk to my kids about the fact that staying home to care for them is MY JOB. A blog post I did on that topic (which I will make them read some day), is here. And I always share how blessed I feel that it is my job. Why is this important and "feminist"? Number one, I would never want my girls to grow up and think that being a stay-at-home-mom isn't work. Number two, and most importantly, being an empowered woman doesn't necessarily mean you are a working-outside-of-the-house-for-a-paycheck-mom... and being a stay-at-home-mom doesn't mean you are a disempowered servant. Feminists an be stay-at-home-moms too!

- We go to a church where one of the pastors on staff is a woman. She is a great speaker/leader/teacher. I want my girls to see women up front at church preaching, praying, serving communion, and leading in a variety of roles. Samantha once asked me why all the Bible stories are about boys. Whoa-nelly. The thing is, there are PLENTY of amazing women in the Bible, but she is right, the most often highlighted stories in the Bible are about men. I absolutely positively need to do all I can to reinforce that God loves men and women equally...and He gifts and uses men and women in sometimes different, but equally important, ways. We are all created in His image.

- Dad's role and responsibilities. This is my big one. From the very beginning of parenthood I made a conscious decision not to "own" certain aspects of parenting. I made sure to empower my husband to do all the tasks that I did, and I did my best not to criticize when he did things (as he always does) very differently than me. Parenting is not mother's work. Like bell hooks said, I refuse to privilege the role of mother over father. I don't want my girls thinking that dad's don't do things like change diapers, pick out clothes, make meals, give bottles, or do laundry...oh wait, he doesn't do laundry...ever...oops, better work on that one :) Oh yeah, and dad's don't "babysit" either. It isn't babysitting when it is your own kids. To be honest, I constantly have to work on this general issue. It is much easier to just do things myself. However, if I don't share responsibilities with my husband then I send the message to my kids, my husband, and myself that certain things are all a mom's job...and I don't like that message...or the workload it carries.

I could go on and on, but I've said enough for now. As a woman and a mom I agree with bell hooks' concept of visionary feminism which refuses to privilege male over female, or female over male. OF COURSE men and women do things very differently, and we are most definitely not "the same." But in our differences we need to empower each other, get rid of domination, and encourage mutual growth and self-actualization. And I think all of that starts in the home.

I want my girls to grow up the same way I did...thinking they can do ANYTHING. That's my point. And the responsibility of imparting that message is shared by me AND my husband.

2 great parenting reads

2011-12-15T13:58:00.000-08:00

An article and a blog post, both about parenting, came across my screen this week (as is the case most weeks). Both were passed on by mothers I love and respect. I found these reads thought-provoking, convicting, inspiring, and worth passing on.

I have included a little excerpt from each, with a link to the full piece. If you find the time to read these (they are both a bit long) you will be glad you found the time, and you may want to pass them on too.

#1 This first article is something worth considering - it's about current trends in parenting.

Maybe less is more.

Welcome to the Age of Overparenting How I learned to let my kids be kids.

By Katherine Ozment. Boston Magazine.

Illustrations by Larry Ruppert.

...My heart sank. How times had changed. I still remember the time my two older brothers built an igloo in our front yard. It had a domed roof and arched entrance, and they strung an overhead work lamp from the ceiling and laid out a small rug so we could all sit in it for hours. Witnessing my children’s paltry fort-making skills, I thought, Is this what our kids will remember of winter — digging little holes in the snow as their mother hovered nearby? Where has the childhood I once knew gone?

In my nine years as a parent, I’ve followed the rules, protocols, and cultural cues that have promised to churn out well-rounded, happy, successful children. I’ve psychoanalyzed my kids’ behavior, supervised an avalanche of activities, and photo-documented their day-to-day existence as if I were a wildlife photographer on the Serengeti. I do my utmost to develop their minds and build up their confidence, while at the same time living with the constant low-level fear that bad things will happen to them. But lately, I’ve begun to wonder if, by becoming so attuned to their every need and so controlling of their every move, I’ve somehow played a small part in changing the very nature of their childhood.

I know that if I continue on this path, not only will my kids never have the wherewithal to build an igloo after a snowstorm, they won’t even have the freedom or imagination to try. Watching them play halfheartedly in their meager little forts, I knew I had to change... Click here for full article

#2 And for those of us trying to keep Christ in Christmas...

Here is a strong, honest and counter-cultural blog post full of ideas for a more meaningful Christmas.

It is written by one of my favorite authors who I have mentioned on this blog before, here.

The Christmas Conundrum
by Jen Hatmaker

...What happened to Christmas? What on earth happened to it? When did it transform from something simple and beautiful to what it is now? How insidiously did the enemy work to slowly hijack Jesus' birth and hand it over on a silver platter to Big Marketing, tricking His own followers into financing the confiscation?

We all know it. We all feel it. Every year we bear this tension. Each December, the world feels off kilter. But in the absence of a better plan or an alternative rhythm or - let's just say it - courage, we feed the machine yet again, giving Jesus lip service while teaching our kids to ask Santa for whatever they want, because, you know, that's really what Christmas boils down to.

I just cannot take it anymore, y'all. I cannot.

What if a bunch of us pulled out of the system? What if we said something very radical and un-American, like: "Our family is going to celebrate Jesus this year in a manner worthy of a humble Savior who was born to two poor teenagers in a barn and yet still managed to rescue humanity."

I'm going to throw out some ideas for what I hope is a more meaningful Christmas; you may take some and leave some. Good reader, you may take none. Maybe you'll tweak an idea to fit your family. You might say, "For the love of Baby Jesus! She's ruining everything! We'll try one little thing this year, ok?! And then we'll quit reading her blog." Here goes... Click here for full post

A weekend with Mark

2011-12-13T07:15:00.000-08:00

Our great friend Mark came to visit this weekend. He was the "best man" in our wedding, and we all went to college together. Mark is a special friend to our family, and our girls just adore him.

In addition to being "best man" material, Mark is a really talented professional photographer. He specializes in engagements and weddings. Check out his work at his website www.markkuroda.com

We had a fun-filled weekend with Mark...eating Indian food, watching Crazy, Stupid, Love (awesome movie!), having a little beach playtime, and the grand finale...a trip to Seaworld. It is particularly entertaining for us to see our crazy life through Mark's eyes. And just for the record, I think he enjoyed Seaworld as much, if not more, than the girls. Single guys don't get to Seaworld much.

Click here for a 53 second slide show (to music) of some of our outings this past weekend. Thank you Mark for the slideshow and pictures below!

It was great to have Mark here and we hope he comes back again soon.

Shamu's Christmas Show is a fabulous and wondrous Christmas experience.

Choirs, candles, soloists, Christmas music, melodrama, killer whales jumping in unison...what's not to love.

If you haven't seen it yet and have a pass to Seaworld...GO...it will not disappoint.

Through the eyes of a child

2011-12-11T16:52:00.000-08:00

These are two pictures from a play-date last week.

I LOVE these pictures. They speak of the wonder and simple joys and energy of childhood.

One thing I really appreciate about this time of year is how much easier it is to see life through the eyes of children. The lights, the tree, the manger, the wonder, the mystery, the gifts, the music...I feel like I am experiencing it all afresh thanks to my children.

I'm trying to savor every day of this advent season as we get closer and closer to Christmas.

I hope you are too.

This post is for my Grandparents...but you can check it out too.

2011-12-09T06:49:00.000-08:00

Hi Grandma and Grandpa!

Look what I did with the glass containers and candle holders you were going to get rid of in October...

I have a little piece of you in my Christmas decor this year

...sitting on your dining room table no less!

Thanks...I love you...see you on the 25th.

And for all my family members (and friends) who won't be in my home this holiday season,
here is a little glimpse of some of our other Christmas decorations.

My crafty sister Katie made this advent calendar.

Hanging this star by a ribbon is about as crafty as I get.

Clearly those genes went to my sisters.

Three years ago today

2011-12-08T07:23:00.000-08:00

Today is the third anniversary of the loss our baby boy, 18 weeks into pregnancy. Some of his story is here.

The paperwhite narcissus is the December birth flower, and a dearly loved friend gave me some paperwhite bulbs to plant in our yard in remembrance of Benjamin. She hoped they would bloom each December, and indeed, they are blooming now.

Every year I have experienced this day differently. The first anniversary was heart-wrenching, and nerve-racking because I was pregnant with Abby. The second anniversary was a strange combination of sorrow and joy as I mourned for the little boy I never knew and rejoiced for the 8 month old girl we now had. Three years later, all that this date represents is forming a more clear chapter in my story...our baby feels like an angel watching and waiting...and Abby's life and presence in our family is an extra special blessing I cannot fathom living without.

Today I honor our baby by sharing the last few lines of a lament I wrote 3 months after our loss. A lament is simply a passionate expression of grief. Writing this poem was a major step of healing for me then, and continues to be now. My hope in sharing some of what I wrote is that perhaps someone else will be comforted, or possibly it will encourage someone to write a lament for some type of loss in their own life.

Benjamin Joseph, December 8, 2008

a portion of a mother's lament...

We held you and kissed you on that dark winter night

The darkness is fading, I see glimpses of light

I will carry forever the pain of this loss

Knowing it will be made right, thanks to the cross

The cross that unites us with our Father above

The cross where He reached out in His perfect love

With the cross I have hope, I will see you again

Knowing my pain now increases my joy then

Father God, I know deep down in my heart

That my child is with You, never to part

Christopher's son, Samantha's little brother

I thank you Lord that I am Benjamin's mother

If you think the full version of this poem might be an encouragement to you, or someone you know,

please contact me here and I would be happy to share it with you.

Christmas traditions, San Diego style.

2011-12-06T09:34:00.000-08:00

This past weekend was FULL of Christmas traditions, new and old.

Friday night we got a tree.

It is still a strange experience for this Midwest gal to encounter palm trees while searching for our Christmas tree. It feels a little wrong. In my mind, you are supposed to be wearing gloves and walking through snow while hunting for Oh Tannenbaum, not watching palm fronds sway in the breeze.

But then, at home, I noticed this...

Do you see what I see?
PALM TREES...there were palm trees at THE Nativity. Bethlehem = Mediterranean climate.
I guess palm trees and Christmas do actually go together. I feel much better.

On Saturday Chris put the lights on the house (only 1 trip to Home Depot),
and we went to our local Holiday Parade in the evening.

We attended the parade last year, so I suppose two years in a row makes it a tradition.

This time we saw a lot of friends and even stayed to the end (it's a REALLY long parade).

The kids did amazing and I got to wear my down jacket which made me very happy.

Sunday we did something that I hope to make a Christmas tradition.

We forked over A LOT of money to park, rent skates, and do this...

We went skating at the Hotel Del Coronado...and it was kind of magical.

Sam sincerely enjoyed her first attempt on ice and seeing her determination was adorable.

What a wild and crazy experience to watch waves crash while on ice skates.

Sunday night we went to our church's Christmas concert called 'Many Moods'.

This is the third year we have enjoyed an almost heavenly hour and a half of music performed by professionals and amateurs. The night included...orchestra, choirs, soloists, classical, contemporary, jazz.
I spent a lot of the time with tears in my eyes or chills, resting and reflecting.
It felt like a gift.

Oh yeah, and one more Christmas tradition that we definitely took part in this weekend
was consuming a ridiculous amount of cookies. One of my favorite traditions.

'Tis the season!

This is as close as we get to a snowman around this town.

Kids Books...10 of our Favorites

2011-12-04T20:33:00.000-08:00

Ok, let's be honest...there are a lot of WEIRD kids books out there.

You know the kind. The ones you stumble through because the writing is cumbersome, or the kind where you close the back cover and think "what was that about?" or "what was the message there?" or "I need to screen these suckers before we bring them home from the library." Is it just me who has had this experience?

I recently heard a speaker at my MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group who spoke about the power and importance of stories. He emphasized that kids learn through stories, not lectures or speeches. We have all had the experience of learning something important through a story, and kids books are no exception.

In the spirit of giving gift suggestions, you can't go wrong with books, and here are 10 of our family favorites. These are books that have wonderful lessons to share, reinforce certain values, are fun to read, and many of them are beautifully illustrated as well.

Here we go...

#1 This is a great book for exposing kids to travel, adventure, and other countries, while also reinforcing that it is A-O-K to be a homebody and enjoy your humble abode and familiar surroundings.

#2 I seriously get choked up almost every time I read this (although, for me, that isn't saying much). This gorgeous book speaks to the fact that every child is unique, amazing, and one-of-a-kind. It makes a great baby gift too.

#3 LOVE this book! My girls enjoy seeing the faces of kids from all over the world and it helps introduce the the idea that even when we look different we have so much in common with each other. I've never seen this book in a store, but you can get it through Amazon or Compassion.

#4 The feminist in me loves this book. The thriftiness in me loves it too, because it is two books in one. The message here is that Mommies and Daddies can do the same things. Dads can sew and Moms can throw baseballs. Yes, indeed.

#5 A great book for introducing adoption. This book highlights China adoption, and is about a single mom.

#6 A touching story about giving and sharing and the reward of friendship that can come from doing so.

#7 This is the best kids book I have read that portrays life in another country, that country being Kenya. It is beautifully illustrated, has a different sort of African cadence, and teaches a few Swahili words too.

#8 This series is so great for keeping kids connected and familiar with special places for your family.

#9 Best kids Bible. Honestly, I think every adult also needs to read this book from cover to cover. It is a like a CliffNotes version of the Bible and can teach old and young alike that the Bible truly is one continuous love story, from start to finish. Think of it as The Message for kiddos.

#10 And in the spirit of the season, I don't think a more magical or beautiful Christmas tale will ever be written. I still get chills when I read it.

Never underestimate the power of stories.

Whether for your own family, or another, books are always a great gift.

But not the weird ones.

Happy Christmas shopping.

What is your favorite kids book?

The gift of a date...or Venice meets Coronado

2011-12-01T08:14:00.000-08:00

Here is a Christmas gift-giving idea for you this year...give a date.

A few years ago the four couples that make up my side of the family drew another couple's name for Christmas, the mission being to give that couple a date. We had a budget, and the thinking was that instead of spending a little money on a lot of people we could give one couple a really nice night out. It also supported the desire to receive less "stuff."

The first year we did this version of gift-giving Chris and I were given an AWESOME date to a Cajun style cooking class at a cooking school in the Denver area. It was fun, yummy, educational, and inspired us to buy a really nice chopping knife (which makes us feel like better cooks).

We tried out the date idea last year with Chris' family and we were given another WONDERFUL date, which we finally redeemed this past weekend (thanks to grandparents willing to babysit).

Here is what we did...

A sunset gondola ride through the Coronado Cays!

It was scenic, peaceful, romantic, different, private, included a complimentary appetizer plate and a bottle of wine (provided by us)...and our gondolier even sang (quite well, thankfully). It was lovely.

If you have a special couple in your life and don't know what to give them, put a date together for them.

If you live in the San Diego area, consider The Gondola Company as a gift for someone else...or for yourself. If you want to add dinner, there is a fabulous French restaurant at the nearby Loews Coronado Bay Resort called Mistral, which was one of the best dining experiences we have ever had and includes great views of the bridge and the city.

We are giving dates again this year between my sisters and I need to start doing my research on great dates in Nashville. Any suggestions?

'O Sole Mio

Beach babies

2011-11-27T22:34:00.000-08:00

When my in-laws are in town we can usually be found at the beach.

To say I married into a beach-loving-family would be a MAJOR understatement.

Like saying that San Diego has nice weather.

It will always be a bit of marital irony that this Midwest/lake/forrest/mountain/winter loving woman

fell in love with a man who I honestly believe is part dolphin.

Well, whether thanks to blood, example, or proximity to the ocean, my girls are beach babies all the way.

If a picture is worth a thousand words, then here are approximately 8,000 from our holiday weekend.

Turkey Day in review

2011-11-25T09:08:00.000-08:00

It is Black Friday, which means I am absolutely NOWHERE near a store.

Instead, I am hanging out with my girls (while Dad surfs), putting away the remnants of Thanksgiving dinner, and reflecting on the WONDERFUL day we had yesterday.

One of our Thanksgiving activities was to answer a question found on a piece of paper stealthily placed beneath our plates at the dinner table. And here is me taking the opportunity to show you that lovely table.

My question read:

Share something you are thankful for that, at one time, was a challenge/hardship in your life.

I shared about moving to San Diego. Really, that was my challenge/hardship at one time. I know there are MUCH MUCH worse things to deal with in life than moving to San Diego, but that was my challenge. I won't bore you with the details or drama of why I was so resistant to moving to CA, but I will tell you that our move (2 years ago) has definitely produced MANY new blessings in my life. Yesterday was a day where the reasons I am thankful for our life in San Diego (and thankful in general) were reflected back to me in a big, bright way. Reasons such as...

Friends and Fitness. We started our day with a homemade, yet very professionally done, Turkey trot with a few other families from church/MOPS/playgroup. It was so fun! I felt so thankful for wonderful friends and families to live life and have fun with here. I also felt thankful that all four of us are healthy and able-bodied and can participate in something like a 1-mile run.

Family. I am overwhelmed with thanks just about every day for these two.

In addition to the family that lives under our roof, we are incredibly blessed to have an amazing extended family (near and far). Now that we live in CA it is special to have family who can drive a few hours to come visit and play. We had a fabulous afternoon and evening with (most of, but not all) our CA family. Cooking, eating, talking, playing, watching football, cleaning, playing games, laughing. Just being family.

Faith. In keeping with tradition, Grandpa Bob read Abraham Lincoln's Proclamation of Thanksgiving. If you haven't ever heard it, click here, it is most definitely worth a read. This speech is a great reminder of why this holiday was established and who we are thankful to. I will leave you with an excerpt from the speech and a few photos from our day (in black and white just for fun).

"...It has seemed to me fit and proper that they [the gracious gifts of God] should be solemnly, reverently, and gratefully acknowledged, as with one heart and one voice, by the whole American people. I do therefore invite my fellow-citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next as a day of thanksgiving and praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the heavens." Abraham Lincoln, October 3, 1863

I hope you have a great day shopping...or not shopping, like me.

Thanksgiving Eve

2011-11-23T15:16:00.000-08:00

We get to host Thanksgiving this year, and I am really excited for tomorrow.

The groceries have been bought.

The table decor is ready for action.

The big turkey is thawing...
and the little turkeys are prepared.

We are ready for family to arrive...er, well...we will be ready by noonish tomorrow.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING to all!

And as an added bonus, here is the recipe for one of my favorite parts of our Thanksgiving dinner.
Aunt Martha's Cranberry Sauce
1 lb cranberries, finely chopped
1 unpealed orange, finely chopped
1 red apple, pealed, finely chopped
1 cup sugar
1/3 cup triple sec
Best when made the night before.
Mmm, mmm, good.

Flashback

2011-11-19T10:28:00.000-08:00

Same sisters, same room, same shenanigans.
Two pictures, 12 months apart.

It's so cliche, but really, you blink and a year has gone by.

November 2010

November 2011

These pictures are a great reminder to me, on this feeling exhausted (and a little grumpy) Saturday morning,

to push through the fatigue of this stage of motherhood and JUST ENJOY

...because they really do grow up fast.

When the dog runs away...

2011-11-14T12:23:00.000-08:00

...you learn that you really do love her. Or at least that was my experience last Thursday.

We returned home after a lovely morning at the local botanical gardens, and as I pulled in the driveway I saw that the side gate was wide open. I knew that gate was closed when we left. I also knew I had left Bailey in the backyard (as usual), and I knew she wasn't wearing her collar (as usual - I won't get into THAT right now). I knew she was gone...and I was right.

We drove around the neighborhood for a while and I talked to Animal Control (on my earpiece, of course) as we drove. They told me to post something on Craigslist (hello 2011) and call back at 4:45pm. 4:45pm...she could be in Mexico by then!

After calling the micro-chip company and alerting Bailey lovers out there via Facebook, I got a really good idea (if I do say so myself). Samantha and I hauled in the enormous art easel from the garage and made a "LOST DOG" sign. Then we placed the easel in the driveway hoping that all the school pick-up foot traffic would see the sign and maybe someone would know something about the whereabouts of our dog. Oh, and Sam added a pile of dog food under the sign to entice Bailey home.

Well, the sign had been out there for less than 10 minutes when I got a knock on the door. A kind mama from down the street said that someone else up the street had a sign in their yard that said, "FOUND DOG." Lost dog sign + Found dog sign = happy-happy-joy-joy-reunion

Here is what this experience reinforced for me:

1. Despite the fact that my relationship with our sweet Bailey has suffered greatly since the birth of my children, I do in fact love my dog. I felt like I was missing a child (well, almost) for those hours she was unaccounted for.

2. We live in a GREAT neighborhood.

3. We have great friends. In addition to the Facebook sentiments and support, I had 3 people call or stop by out of concern for our pup. This fact both touched me, and gave me confidence that in a time of need loved ones, near and far, would be there for us. Thanks guys!

4. While advances like micro-chipping pets and Craigslist are all great, our dog was located thanks to 2 handmade signs. Score one for the old-fashioned way of doing things.

5. It is time for a new collar that doesn't jingle so loudly that we take it off the dog every night (and then forget to put it back on every morning). It's been ordered.

Welcome home Bailey.

Unthinkable

2011-11-11T07:34:00.000-08:00

Over the last week I have been thinking of the unthinkable. Losing a child. And I've been a bit rocked.

I just finished Choosing To SEE, the book by Mary Beth Champan (wife to Steven Curtis Chapman), where she shares about the loss of their 5 year old daughter. Then, last week, I learned of a 4 year old little girl in our community who's life ended very suddenly.

A 5 year old girl struck and killed in the family's driveway by her brother. Unthinkable.
A 4 year old girl, trick-or-treating one night and gone 3 days later. Unthinkable.
The loss of a child...in any way...at any age. Totally unthinkable.

Both of these tragedies speak to the pain and brokenness of this world in which we live. These stories are the greatest fear of any parent. When the unthinkable happens what are we to think?

My husband didn't understand why I would want to read this book (especially when he would see me crying my way through it). I was drawn to read Mary Beth's story out of connection to her husband's music and their family's experiences with China adoption. But more than that, I was drawn to read this story out of humanity, and the chance to stare my greatest fear in the face by reading how this family faced their darkest days imaginable. I wanted to see how a mother survives a loss like the Chapman family suffered. I share the same faith as this family and I wanted to see how their faith was impacted, and how their faith impacted them.

Mary Beth Chapman wrote this book to show people that, despite the unthinkable, God is still God, and God is still good. But this was not a conclusion she came to easily. In addition to gaining insight on the grief process and learning how to better support those in my life who have suffered unthinkable losses, I closed the book on Tuesday and concluded the same thing as Mary Beth...God is still God, and God is still good...even in the face of unthinkable darkness.

Two things (among many) Mary Beth Chapman wrote really stuck out to me.

"...I would have lived much differently. I would have purposely hugged and kissed more. I would have tried to memorize and lock away in my heart certain smells and smiles. I would have colored more and worked less. I would have laughed more and fussed less." (p. 211)

"I've now read so many books on grief that I should have a degree, but you know what? There isn't any one way to do it. My story isn't yours, and your story isn't mine. I've come to the conclusion that the only thing people who are suffering and grieving have in common, at least if you believe as I do (as a Christian), is the One who suffered for us. And the Father, who grieved for Him going to the cross, understands." (p. 255)

What would you do, how would you do, if the unthinkable happened? To whom would you cling and trust and depend if the unthinkable happened? What do you know to be true even in the face of the unthinkable?

Think about it.

Retreat

2011-11-08T11:53:00.000-08:00

A definition of "retreat" is... an act of moving back or withdrawing.

That is exactly what we did this past weekend.

This was our second year attending our All Church Retreat up in the San Bernardino mountains. Last year it felt more like summer, but this year it was an unexpected winter wonderland. Can I get an AMEN!?! I was thrilled. I actually cried tears of joy as we pulled into camp on Friday night. The families who got stuck in the snow, or had to run to the not-so-close Walmart for boots and coats, may not have been crying tears of joy at first, but I think in the end everyone enjoyed the chilly white surprise.

This weekend was a withdrawing from normal life. For me that meant no cooking, no dishes, no getting in and out of cars, no computer, no cell phone reception, no responsibilities. It was fabulous. It was a special time for our family to just be together (in a very small cabin at times). The childcare and preschool program were a gift that meant Chris and I got a lot of time together without our kids during the Community Gathering sessions, and our kids enjoyed parties and lessons and buddies of their own. Everybody wins. On Saturday I "took one for the team" and stayed in our room with napping Abby, which meant this mama got to nap for an hour and read for an hour (thanks to that trusty, and dusty, camping head-lamp). Napping and reading...now that is NOT normal life...and it may honestly have been one of the highlights of the weekend for me.

The retreat was also a wonderful time to be with our church family. What a treat to hang out and see each other in a totally different setting than our regular coastal lives. It was a time of community. We ate and played together. We went on wintry walks and huddled by warm fires together. We took communion together and took in the scenery together. We shared bathrooms and winter clothes. We did crafts and were challenged in our faith. As individuals, families, and members of a church community we retreated from our regular lives, and despite the driving, the packing, and the cold, at least this family returned renewed and encouraged and filled up and thankful. I'm sure we weren't the only ones.

And just for the record, it turns out that WE, the California family, got to experience the first snow of the season...before all my Midwest family. Not that they were jealous or anything.

Do you need to "retreat" as an individual, or a family, to renew or regain perspective?

How can you make time and space to move back and withdraw from your regular life for a bit?

When fake becomes normal and real becomes NEW!

2011-11-03T20:55:00.000-07:00

I recently discovered this NEW! product, and I think it's worth sharing with you.

First of all...CHEESY name. Natural Bliss. Really? I mean my morning cup is blissful and all, but that is some advertising puffery if I have ever heard it.

So why is this product worthy of my enthusiasm? Here it is. I have my one cup of coffee and 1 tbsp of Coffee-mate vanilla creamer EVERY MORNING...without fail....or I get a raging headache. I generally live by an "everything in moderation" philosophy when it comes to food and don't stress too much about the things I consume infrequently. But when it comes to something I drink every single day of my life...without fail...or I get a raging headache...I should probably pay attention to the labels.

Here are the ingredients of the regular Coffee-mate vanilla liquid creamer that I was totally addicted to: Water, Sugar, Corn Syrup Solids, Partially Hydrogenated Soybean Oil, and/or Cottonseed Oil, Natural Flavors and Artificial Flavors, Dipotassium Phosphate, Sodium Caseinate, (Milk Derivative), Titanium Dioxide, Sodium Stearoyl Lactylate, Polysorbate 60,Carrageenan, Betacarotene. Color.
That would be SIXTEEN ingredients, most of which sound like words from a chemistry course.

Here are the ingredients of Natural Bliss: Nonfat milk, heavy cream, sugar, natural flavor.
That's it. I recognize all those words. All FOUR of them. And none of those things were recently invented. So I've switched to Natural Bliss.

And one more thing. I find it very entertaining and ironic that the "natural" product is NEW! I'm pretty sure milk, cream, sugar, and natural flavor aren't new discoveries. So why didn't they just come up with the 4-ingredient version first? Was it easier to invent the product with the 16 ingredients? How did the fake product become normal, causing the real thing to seem new and exciting?

And all this got me thinking...what else in our lives is actually a substitute that we accept and treat as the real thing? Other food and drink? Sure, lots. What about communication? Is Facebook/texting/twitter truly decreasing our need and desire for face to face communication? Or it's like when my child sees a dolphin jump in the ocean and screams, "It's like Seaworld!" NOOOOOOO sweetie, other way around.

I want to be more careful not to let fake become normal so that real becomes novel.

Happy Halloween

2011-10-31T21:25:00.000-07:00

My girls are in costumes so frequently that Halloween is really just like any other day in our house.

Except for that candy thing.

Every year Halloween reminds me why I don't keep any candy in our house.
I have ABSOLUTELY no self discipline when it comes to candy. None.

We had two sets of costumes this year. First there was Sam's school costume.

The only hitch was that apparently I was the ONLY parent who didn't get the notice

that kids weren't supposed to wear costumes to school.

Oh well. It's preschool.

In the evening they changed into their REAL costumes

and went trick-or-treating as Hello Kitty and Tigger.

And to think, I hate cats.

But these were two dang cute felines.

Abby was WAY into her first trick-or-treating experience.
She had a death-grip on that bucket of candy all night and boldly marched to each door.
Judging by her enthusiasm for her treats she may have inherited her mama's problem with candy.

Showing off their loot.

It was a great day of costumes, friends, neighbors, and CANDY.

Five days of fall and family

2011-10-29T14:40:00.000-07:00

RSAD got the best of me this year...and I really love and miss my family (all year round, not just in the fall)...so with the help of the best airline out there (Southwest!) I took the girls to Chicago for a little bit of fall and family.

I looked at this decision to willingly sit on an airplane (twice) for 4+ hours, outnumbered by my children, from a cost and reward standpoint.

COST = money, travel hassle, stress over travel hassle, potential travel disaster (think tantrums/sickness/diaper explosions etc.), about 12 challenging hours of my life managing my kids in airports and on planes ALL BY MYSELF

REWARD = perfect Midwest fall week, precious time with precious family, 4 nights and 4.5 days of my favorite season with some of my favorite people

In the end, the reward most definitely exceeded the cost (just as I knew it would).

As far as the fall experience goes, I think I checked just about every box there was to check:
brisk walks in 50 degree temps, carving a pumpkin, wearing my down jacket, wearing socks, candy corn, chili, cider, apple pie, pumpkin spice latte, raking leaves for the kids to jump in, pressing leaves in wax paper, visiting Sonny Acres (the farm and pumpkin patch where I used to go as a kid), putting the cousins in their Halloween costumes, frost on the ground in the morning. It was fabulous! See for yourself...

In addition to all of that fall awesome-ness, there is also the "priceless list". The list of things you can't buy and sometimes don't plan. The things that just happen as a result of being together and make up my favorite moments and memories from this trip. Things like...

Sleeping at my sister's house for the first time thanks to the amazing remodel of the parsonage.
Having a sister sushi lunch date.
Seeing my Grandparents with 4 of their 6 great-grandchildren.
Laughing our way through Modern Family in my parent's basement (I miss basements).
Navigating Target with 4 cousins in a cart (until the big ones jumped off and ran away from us).
Searching the Chicago suburbs for a sleep sack for Abby (I'll never forget THAT item again).
Watching Sam "help" my dad in the garden for an hour.
Going to my sister's book study at her church and watching her lead the group (so proud).
A breakfast date with my mom and a dinner date with my dad.
Eating one of Uncle Lars' amazing homemade dinners (the guy can cook!).
Simply watching my kids with my parents.

Picture taken by Samantha.

Great-Grandma Carolyn and Great-Grandpa Bob.

In summary, I think we're going to do this trip every year during Fall Break.

A special wedding shower

2011-10-24T08:12:00.000-07:00

I went to a wedding shower this weekend.

I have been to a lot of baby showers recently, but it has been awhile since I have been to a wedding shower so I had forgotten how fun they are.

At baby showers (at least for first-time moms) I usually feel like the inner dialogue of the mother-to-be is something like, "Oh my gosh, this stuff is so cute but I don't really know what it is for and I am a bit nervous about the part where I have to bring this baby into the world and after I do that I REALLY don't have a clue what the heck I am doing." There is always a wee little bit of anxiety at baby showers.

Whereas at bridal showers I feel like the bride-to-be is thinking, "Yesssss! I am so excited to use this housey stuff, wear this bedroom stuff, and I am SO EXCITED TO GET MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!" All that to say, wedding showers are places of hope and bliss and romance and unbridled enthusiasm. That's good stuff to be around.

This wedding shower was for my friend Carrie. We worked together as fellow dorm-moms at Rift Valley Academy in Kijabe, Kenya in 2001-2002. Carrie threw me a surprise wedding shower in Kenya. It has been very special to re-connect with Carrie since moving to San Diego. She is so happy and I am incredibly happy for her.

Carrie's wedding shower was an eye-opening experience for me for two reasons...

The first reason has to do with this Facebook status update I posted after shopping for Carrie's shower gift:

Emily
I love the funny looks I get in Victoria's Secret with my sweats on, a baby in the Ergo, and a 4 year old running around...THIS is where it all leads VS shoppers...pay attention!

Seriously, being in that store with my two munchkins and wearing my leggings and most comfortable old sweatshirt, was like a social experiment. I wish I had been recording the looks I got. I stuck out like a sore thumb. While standing in line I had to stop myself from cracking up at the IRONY of how out of place I felt in Victoria's Secret. I seriously wanted to yell, "Guess what people...the big SECRET of this store is that it all leads to sweatshirts, leggings, carrying babies, and chasing preschoolers!" But I didn't. Instead I went home and posted on Facebook. And judging by the "likes" and comments it seems I am not the only one who appreciates the humor and irony of my experience.

Which leads me to the second reason attending a wedding shower was eye-opening...it reminded me how excited I was to get married. Now, 9 years later, I am sick and tired of washing those dishes we registered for...and I don't even know where some of those fancy sexy bridal shower gifts have disappeared to. NEVERTHELESS...I want to try to keep that original enthusiasm for marriage alive...because marriage is something worth being excited about, no matter how long it has been. In fact, the longer it has been the MORE excited I should be about marriage!

So as I write this, siting here exhausted in my trusty red sweatshirt, next to my tired husband, in our really messy house, while our darling girls sleep, I am resolving to appreciate married life more...like I did when we were first starting out. That, and to go to Victoria's Secret without my kids next time...and buy something for myself!      

What I would have said...

2011-10-19T07:30:00.000-07:00

This past weekend was a really special weekend.

We were in Santa Barbara for our 10 year college reunion.

In addition to Homecoming festivities, we had a great time with our California family (it was so kind of my in-laws to move to Santa Barbara 8 years ago!), spent time with dear friends, met two brand new baby girls who belong to two of my bridesmaids/friends, and even had two date-nights at fabulous restaurants on State St (Jane & Tupelo Junction Cafe).

But back to Homecoming...while it truly is a college, I will admit, Westmont looks more like a summer camp (which is precisely why I wanted to go there!). It is a small Christian liberal arts college (smaller than my high school, in fact) nestled in the hills of Santa Barbara. I went to public schools for K-12, and a large state university for graduate school, but a small private Christian school was definitely the right choice for me for college. To say I was blessed and am incredibly thankful to have received a stellar education at Westmont College would be a GROSS UNDERSTATEMENT. Every time I am back there I am more and more thankful...to the point of being a little overwhelmed actually.

As I walked around the ridiculously gorgeous campus where I lived for three years I would watch students walk by and have a strong desire to stop them and talk to them. But, I didn't. Mostly because I was trying to keep Abby from rolling down a hill or falling off a rock...that, and I didn't want to be some old alum interrupting them with sentimentality and perspective.

Here is what I would have said to them.

Actually, here is what I would have said to "freshman in college Emily" 14 years ago...

- These aren't the "best years of your life," but they are certainly wonderful and unique years. You may think you are stressed, and have a lot on your plate, but YOU DON'T. Soak up this time where you can focus on you, I don't think there will be another time like it as long as you live.

- Never say never. In fact, if you say "never" you can pretty much be assured it will happen. Click here if you don't believe me.

- Enjoy Chapel thoroughly. Being able to attend chapel three times a week, sing hymns with the student body, and listen to really great speakers/teachers is a LUXURY you will likely never have again. Don't study during Chapel, soak it up. Your spiritual life is more important than cramming for that test.

- Pay attention in class. Learn. Really really learn. When you get older you will wish you had enjoyed and learned/retained more in about every class (except for intro-level chemistry...don't worry about that one.)

- Invest in friendships as much as studies. The content of your classes, and results of your BA will only take you so far, but your deep and committed friendships will be there for you for the rest of your life.

- Skip class more. Get the notes from a friend, but seriously, go for more hikes in the hills and spend more time just sitting at the beach. I know you aren't really the skipping class type, but at least ditch the library and study at the beach more. Invest in a really good beach chair and don't forget to wear a hat and lots of sunscreen.

- Don't be opposed to meeting your husband while in college (cuz you're going to). Marriage is great. While you will never have the "single and living downtown Chicago" phase of life that you pictured, you will never want one less day married to your best friend.

- You are good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, creative enough. And you are loved more than enough by your parents and your Creator. You are enough. Relax.

Now I wish I could read what I would have said to myself about this crazy

preschool/baby/staying-at-home-with-kids phase of life.

I'll bet it would be something to the effect of...

ENJOY EVERY MINUTE, IT WILL GO SO FAST.

9 memories of our wedding day on our 9th anniversary!

2011-10-12T07:11:00.000-07:00

9 years ago today we said "I do"...or was it "I will"?

I am the kind of person who analyzes, questions, hesitates, prays, wrestles, and seeks counsel regarding big life decisions. But for as MASSIVE of a decision as "until-death-do-us-part" is, it was one of the easiest and clearest decisions of my life. No nerves. No second-guessing. No stress. No hesitation. No question.

No walk-in-the-park either. What marriage is?

We have been through things. We have struggled with things. We have grown through conflict. We have experienced joy and sorrow the likes of which we never could have pictured on that fall day in Wheaton, Illinois on October 12, 2002.

We get to celebrate our anniversary this weekend by going to our 10 year college reunion. Although we never really dated on campus (our romantic relationship didn't start until the very end of college), I can't wait to return to our old stamping ground with my husband/best friend/father of my children and remember where it all began.

OK, enough sappy-schmaltzy talk. Back to the point of this post.

In honor of our 9th anniversary I am going to share 9 fun-facts/memories from our wedding day

mostly in an attempt to see if I can actually remember 9 things...

#1 We have lousy wedding pictures. Our blessed event fell at a pre-digital, pre-creative time for wedding photography. The pictures do document the day, but they certainly aren't exciting. We never even ordered a wedding album. (It wasn't the photographers fault. I blame the non-creative time period.)

# 2 We were married by my high school youth pastor. It's kind of funny to be married by the guy I used to watch dunk himself through basketball hoops. Kind of funny, and kind of great.

#3 I had 6 family members participate in the music during our ceremony. Watch out Von Trapps.

#4 The music of our ceremony and reception included:
This Day (seating of family members) Jesus, Be the Center (unity candle/couples prayer) Be Thou My Vision & Great Is Thy Faithfulness (congregational hymns) I Will Be There (first dance) Father's Eyes (father-daughter dance) Volare (last dance)

#5 Our first kiss as husband and wife was a bit awkward. We should have had a game plan, or at least agreed on a final number of smooches. The pastor had to say, "that's enough for now." Awkward.

#6 Our guest favors were soapstone bowls we hauled back from Kenya in our suitcases (wrapped in socks and underwear). We bargained for all 120 of them at various markets in Nairobi. I think they cost about 23 cents a piece.

#7 My family surprised me by making me lip-sync at my own wedding reception...with my maid-of-honor sisters as back-up singers/dancers. Did you catch that? It was a surprise...to me...the bride. The three of us girls used to frequently do lip-sync performances of "The Boy From New York City" as children, so I guess they figured I was a good sport and the words would come back to me. They were right.

#8 When the night ended and we left the reception to head downtown Chicago to our hotel Chris accidentally took one of the guest's jackets, thinking it was his. We did not discover the jacket mix-up until the next morning. I have no memory of how we got the jacket back to this man. Did we?

#9 Some of our groomsmen put various phallic shaped vegetables in our departure limo. Classy.

Happy 9th Anniversary to us!
Thank you God for an amazing and adventure-filled 9 years.
Can't wait to start our 10th.

Could we look more unnatural...or rigid...or YOUNG?!?!

My favorite wedding picture.
Praying after lighting the unity candle.

Community Serve Day

2011-10-10T13:25:00.000-07:00

I don't know if I have said this before on this blog, but it is about time...

I AM A BIG FAN OF MY CHURCH.

One reason I think our church is great is because of Community Serve Day. Community Serve Day is the day church is cancelled. Well, kind of. Our Sunday services are indeed cancelled, and the seats in the sanctuary are empty, but the seats are empty so that the people who normally fill them (plus friends, family, and neighbors) can go out into the community to serve.

This year 1,300 people signed up to serve at over 40 sites throughout San Diego County. The sites ranged from packing boxes for troops, to preparing welcome kits for San Diego Rescue Mission, to gardening and painting projects at local schools and care facilities, to beach clean-ups, to lemonade stands that raised money for childhood cancer research.

Chris and I got to lead a site this year called The Flower Connection. It was a family-friendly site where we painted and decorated clay pots, planted succulents in the beautified pots, and delivered the plants to people who were either homebound, or live in assisted living communities.

It was a lot of work, a lot of fun, and we got to do it with 20 amazing people (some we knew before, some we know now). We will be signing up to lead this site again next year, largely because we learned so much that we could have done better.

Not only is Community Serve Day a great idea for all churches, it is a great idea for groups of friends, or families...any day of the year...or two, or three.

Here is a glimpse of our day.

At the Half

2011-10-05T08:03:00.000-07:00

October marks the half-birthdays for my girls. Sam will be 4 ½ later this month, and TODAY Abby is 1 ½.

Since I haven't done a kiddo-update since April, here we go...

Samantha Joy (Sam, Sammy, Sammers)

Ahhhhh - age 4 has been SO MUCH BETTER than age 3. Seriously, every month past her 4th birthday has been easier and easier. When I think about what life was like a year ago...well, actually...I'd rather not. Sam hasn't lost her spunk, or taste for loud bright clothing ensembles, but she has tempered her sass (for the most part), and now recognizes when an outfit is perhaps a little much (although I am kind of sad that the days of wearing costumes to Target are waning). Sam has a new love for learning and when she isn't skipping down the sidewalk to preschool (M/W/F), she wants to play school at home. I continue to be amazed at how loving Sam is toward her baby sister. Abby's best audience is definitely Samantha (does that sound familiar, Mom and Dad?). Sam is my little buddy, and big helper. She never wants to be alone...ever...a trait she certainly doesn't get from me. She is a water girl and her interest in surfing is definitely on the rise thanks to daddy's ~~brainwashing~~ encouragement. Sam continues to be a little leader, and she is so quick with her words and thoughts it is honestly hard to keep up sometimes. Her recent interest in giving money to people in Kenya is accompanied by her intense desire to receive trinkets and toys from any source possible. She is a giver and a taker. She is a joy!

Abigail Charis (Abby, Abs, Abby-cadabby)

This picture pretty much sums up Abby right now. While age 4 has been really good to us with big sister, little sister is continually reminding me why 18 months of age is VERY challenging. She is on the move, and she is dangerous. I feel like I save her life at least once a day. We laugh about how we used to think she was going to be our mellow and compliant child. HA! No, no...apparently our genes do not combine to produce 'mellow' or 'compliant'. When Abby isn't climbing in the dryer, fishing in the toilet, crawling on tables, or just plain running away from us, she is entertaining us in another way. This chick is funny. We have been saying that since she was very little, and she continues to keep us laughing. I'm pretty sure she knows she's funny too. And she especially thinks its funny when we say "No!" Oh boy. Speaking of boys, Abby continues to be quite rough (although not terribly tough), and very fascinated in mechanical things and how things work. She doesn't sit in our laps long, but she gives a lot of hugs (which sometimes feel more like head-butts and recently resulted in a fat/blue lip for momma). She loves to be held, and is currently OBSESSED with Daddy. Her curly blond hair is simply AMAZING, and she gets bigger and cuter by the day. We are so in love with this child!

Wisdom from Rascal Flatts (heavy topic alert: miscarriage)

2011-10-02T15:52:00.000-07:00

Two statements about this post...

1. If you are pregnant, skip this post. Google baby names, or better yet, take a nap.

2. This is a post I am nervous to publish because it is so vulnerable, and well, it is kind of a downer. BUT this is also a topic I think women (and men) need to talk about more freely, so that is what I am doing here.

...God blessed the broken road, that led me straight to you.
Rascal Flatts, "Bless the Broken Road"

I know this song is about a broken road toward true love, but for me it speaks of miscarriage. Yes, miscarriage. Allow me to explain.

One thing I have learned over the past 10 years of life and marriage it is that the road to building a family is rarely straight, predictable, or what you thought it would be like. Mine certainly wasn't. I started our marriage working in the adoption field for a few years so I never had illusions that building a family was smooth or easy. A lot of people adopt because they have a heart or calling to do so. A lot of people also start or build a family through adoption because the biological route isn't working, or is too heart-wrenching.

Despite the fact that I worked with and for adoptive families who had often traveled a broken road toward the adopted-loves-of-their-lives due to infertility or pregnancy loss, I did still have illusions that the road would be straight for me. But it wasn't. I have been pregnant 5 times, and I have 2 children at home. My story is in the math.

My first two miscarriages were "standard" early miscarriages at 6 or 7 weeks. I went through the normal range of emotions and thoughts. Surprise. Sadness. Fear. Shame. What is wrong with me? Was this my fault somehow? Will I be able to get pregnant again? Will I miscarry again? I felt the weight of my own disappointment, but I also felt like I was carrying the weight of so many other people's dreams and hopes (loving husband, parents, siblings, grandparents, aunt/uncles, cousins, nieces/nephews, friends etc.).

The term miscarriage is one simple word that represents so many different experiences. Different physical experiences. Different emotional experiences. If a miscarriage occurs before a first child, after a first child, or after a third...it doesn't matter...loss is loss and it hurts at any stage of family-building. Miscarriage is also a very generic medical term that is used for radically different medical and personal situations and experiences (3rd loss in a row, miscarriage after IVF, miscarriage after stillbirth, pregnancy loss at home, missed miscarriage, loss requiring a D&C, etc. etc. etc.).

Twenty months after the birth of my first daughter I experienced a loss that the medical world calls a miscarriage, but I call a stillbirth. I lost a baby boy at 18 weeks. While he had no chance of survival outside of my womb at 18 weeks, he was a perfect and healthy baby. 18 weeks into a smooth and uneventful pregnancy I suddenly and unexpectedly went into labor due to an infection no one knew I had. After a rapid and terrible sequence of events, that will always be both a blur and crystal clear to me, I was in the ER, and I was handed the tiny perfect baby I had just delivered. It was a boy. He was wrapped in a blanket, and he never moved or breathed in my arms. I got to hold him for two hours until my husband and I were ready to say good-bye. 10 fingers, 10 toes. Flawlessly formed. We named him Benjamin. He was my son.

What is the point of sharing this story? What is the point of this post?

I'll tell you. There are a few things I want you to know about miscarriage based on my personal experiences, the experiences of people I love, and all the times I have said or done the wrong thing. Some of this may resonate for you, some of it may not.

- Speak with sensitivity about the number of kids people have, or the spacing of their children. There is often a story behind how a family came to be. And that story often includes a miscarriage, or another form of loss. Don't assume.

- If you have had a miscarriage, talk about it. Find someone else who has been down a similar broken road and support each other. When I experienced my third loss I received tears and support from women who lost babies 10 and 20 years ago, some women I barely knew. Miscarriages sting no matter how long it has been, and women who have experienced miscarriage often have empathy and comfort to give. No one understands your exact experience, but some understand it more than others - find those people. Don't bare the weight on your own. Husbands are a great source of support, but they experience miscarriage in a very different way and they are often too emotionally close to the situation. Find another woman and lean.

- Infertility and miscarriage are different. There is loss involved with both experiences, but they are not the same. And no two experiences of miscarriage or infertility are the same either. While women who have experienced miscarriage and infertility can support each other, there are always major differences that should be respected.

- Go there. No one will ever have the perfect thing to say, but in my experience, saying something wrong with love and good intent is WAY better than saying nothing at all. Give a hug. Send a card. Say a prayer. And follow up. Don't be afraid of making someone cry by asking how they are doing. Walk with your friends, family, and loved ones when they experience a loss.

- Broken roads can lead to blessings and good things...eventually. Sometimes broken roads lead to other children. My broken road led to two little girls that otherwise would never have been in my life. Sometimes broken roads lead to children, but sometimes they lead to other things... a move, a job, a closer marriage, greater empathy, intimacy with God, opportunities to reach out to others. Follow your broken road to see where it may lead.

What I want you to know is that miscarriages happen...all the time. Miscarriages happen and it shouldn't be a secret. Miscarriages happen and often create a broken road. Our broken roads are our stories. Our broken roads can lead to someone, or something, great.

The "weather" and RSAD (reverse seasonal affective disorder)

2011-09-22T19:00:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is the first day of fall. This is the time of year that I get what my sister just named "reverse seasonal affective disorder." RSAD.

Unlike regular seasonal affective disorder (SAD), where people get moody and a bit depressed during the winter due to lack of sunlight and short days, I feel down during the fall because it is TOO DANG SUNNY AND NICE, and frankly it feels way more like summer than fall. I really, really miss fall.

Now people here will tell you that we have fall in San Diego, but that is probably because they are natives and don't really know what fall is supposed to be like. Oh they bring out the pumpkin patches around town, Target does sell hats and gloves (bah!), people go apple-picking, and there are a few trees that change color around here (I have been known to re-route just to drive by certain trees)...but it's not fall...not in my book anyway. To me, it's "fall."

In my mind, you should dress your kids like this for an afternoon at the pumpkin patch:

Not like this:

And while I'm on the subject of things that should have quotation marks around them (like "fall"), I'm just going to keep it real here for a minute...we don't even have weather in San Diego, we have "weather." Here's my disclaimer, I'm from Chicago where they definitely have WEATHER. And I moved here after 7 years in Colorado where there is also full-fledged WEATHER. But San Diego...no, not much weather. I'm not complaining, just reporting.

The biggest spread between the yearly average low and the yearly average high is less than 30 degrees. Get the picture? Average low in December = 49 (brrrr!). Average high in August = 78 (scorching!). But perhaps in an attempt to fit in with the rest of the country, San Diegans like to talk about weather. There isn't much to talk about. I know, I know, it's all relative, and for native San Diegans it IS weather, and it IS fall, and I try to respect that...I try, but I fail.

The weather reports around here are a constant source of entertainment for me because they like to make a really big deal about really little things. The weather people use terms very loosely like "humid" (40-50%, maybe) and "cold" (one time there was frost on our car when we woke up...one time) and "storm" (a little rain, a little wind). This morning I heard someone on the radio say, "It's a chilly morning in San Diego...67." Really? Chilly? In February I remember watching coverage of Chicago's biggest snow storm (3rd biggest in history) and NBC cut to the local San Diego weather guy who honestly said, "It's going to be cold out there today. Bundle up your kids." He was referring to 50s, maybe. I laughed out loud. Bundle up the children? You mean in their light-weight fleece jackets??? These weather people should be a little embarrassed of themselves because the forecast usually looks something like this:

We do have a few interesting weather phenomena here that are worth mentioning, I suppose, like:
- the marine layer (fog and grey skies which often don't clear until mid-morning) It's hard, I know.
- the Santa Ana winds (dry and warm off-shore winds)
- "May grey" and "June gloom"(cloudy overcast skies, often all day long) Don't plan your family
vacation to San Diego during these months. Don't feel bad for us either...remember, avg Dec low = 49.

So back to "fall". I REALLY miss fall. REAL fall.

I miss a nip in the air, and putting on jackets because you have to, not because you want to change your wardrobe. I miss wool and down.
I miss seeing my breath in the autumn temperatures. I miss drinking hot beverages because you really need them to heat you up. I miss trick-or-treaters who have to wear warm coats over their cute little costumes and flash you at the door to show you their get-ups. I miss football games huddled together with other hat and glove-wearing individuals. I miss mountainsides of bright, bold, glorious yellow. I miss the build up to snow and Christmas (oh, don't even get me started on how hard it is for me to get in the Christmas spirit here). Pumpkins, candy corn, cider, stew, and changing trees go with COLD weather, not 62 degrees. I've tried the fake it til you make it approach where I dress like it is really cold outside, but you know what? I sweat.

This will be my third "fall" here in San Diego and I can already feel the RSAD coming. If we hadn't traveled so much this summer I would be booking tickets to Chicago. My husband always reminds me that we can drive to the mountains for cooler temps, but that is different than living in it on a day-to-day basis.

I was born and raised in the Midwest. My mother is a winter-loving Scandinavian. I come by this disorder honestly. And I honestly don't think it will change. In some ways I am determined that it NOT change. I don't want to become a weather sell-out and join the ranks of the other weather wimps of California (sorry if that offends you, but it's true). I have a lot of family in the Midwest and I do have some pride and heritage I need to preserve.

And on that note, I am going to look in to tickets to Chicago for Christmas...where it is sure to be frigid and miserable and hopefully white...like Christmas should be.

Books: my wish-list and my favorites

2011-09-20T12:01:00.000-07:00

Here is my reading wish-list.

These are books I would read if I had more time and energy...books I vow to read in the next year or so...or at least before my children go to college. I decided recently to actually stack these books together and put them somewhere that I would see them regularly (nightstand) as a reminder to READ MORE.

1. The Hole in Our Gospel by Richard Stearns
2. Missional Mom by Helen Lee
3. Global Soccer Mom by Shayne Moore
4. The Divine Conspiracy by Dallas Willard
5. Awakening the Quieter Virtues by Gregory Spencer (one of my favorite Westmont professors)
6. Bossypants by Tina Fey
7. A Prayer For Owen Meany by John Irving
8. The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls
9. Love Wins by Rob Bell
10. Raising Self-Reliant Children in a Self-Indulgent World by Stephen Glenn & Jane Nelsen

The book I am currently reading is: The 19th Wife by David Ebershoff (for Book Club)

I enjoy seeing people's favorite book lists. You can learn a lot about someone by getting to know their favorite books.

Here are 10 books that have made an impact on my life.

1. Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis

2. Les Miserables by Victor Hugo.

3. The Color of Water by James McBride

4. The Closest of Strangers by James Judge (MY DAD!)

5. Difference Matters by Brenda J. Allen

6. The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning

7. Gift of the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh

8. Holding On To Hope by Nancy Guthrie

9. The Shack by Willian P. Young

10. The B-I-B-L-E

What books do you wish you had time to read? What are your favorites?

A week. 4 pictures, 4 stories.

2011-09-16T20:57:00.000-07:00

Being a stay-at-home-mom (I hate that term!) is always an adventure. This week was full of more adventures than most. Perhaps in an attempt to make up for the crappy mom that I was last week, I may have out-done myself over the last five days. I'M TIRED.

Here are 4 pictures that tell 4 stories of our week.

Tuesday we went to a small local airport for a field trip with friends from preschool. It was so interesting to get a backstage tour of an airport that included the TSA screening area, the security camera room, the luggage-mover-thingy, the airport fire truck, the boarding area, and watching many small planes takeoff and land. Well, the moms were interested. The kids pretty much just liked the fire truck and the Frisbees they got at the end.

Wednesday I did "circle time" in Sam's preschool classroom and talked about Kenya. At home we have been talking about Kenya and Somalia and the famine there (in preschool terms). Sam took it upon herself to collect coins around the house to cash in and send to Kenya with World Vision. She brought up the topic of Kenya with her preschool teacher last week and when we came to class this week we discovered that it was "learn about Kenya week". Go preschool teachers! Her class made Kenyans flags, they did pottery, and one of the play-centers was turned into an African safari table. I was the Kenya props and story lady on Wednesday and I read them one of our favorite books: For You Are A Kenyan Child.

Here's the thing...I have a BA and a MA in Communication. I'm comfortable with public speaking. I have taught classes to college students about topics with which I am fairly unfamiliar. But as I sat down in front of 15 four year olds to share about a place I love, and simply read a book, I got NERVOUS. I think I even broke a sweat at one point.

I have always admired teachers, and never wanted to be one, both those thoughts were reinforced for me on Wednesday.

On Thursday I took the girls to the zoo. We have season passes that we should be using much more. The summer tourist crowds have died down and the zoo isn't a zoo anymore - meaning you can actually navigate a stroller through the dwindled crowds and you don't have to elbow your way to the front to see an animal. The baby hippo was definitely the highlight of the day for me. That, and having some quality, undistracted time with my girlies.

And then there was Thursday afternoon when I went upstairs to get Sam out of her quiet time and found her with this new haircut. I hadn't thought about hiding those scissors in the bathroom...dangit. Her new bangs and single sideburn are kind of unfixable, but hey, it could be much much worse. I'm torn between being bummed out that picture day is coming soon, and being thrilled that this look will be captured forever by a professional.

So there you have it, a week in the life of one mother, a 4 year old, and a 17 month old.

What do they say? The days are long, but the years are short. Yes...yes they are.

Apple-sass

2011-09-13T07:20:00.000-07:00

We have an apple tree in our backyard.

The first September we lived here I have absolutely no recollection of what happened to the apples. We moved in during the month of September so perhaps the previous owners had taken the apples with them? Was it because I was pregnant and tired that I didn't pay attention to the apples? I don't know.

Last year at this time I think we picked apples up off the ground once they had fallen off the tree, and we probably ate a few. Bailey the dog ate A LOT...I won't go in to how I know that. And then there was the rat-in-the-tree incident that scarred Samantha for at least a few months, and still haunts me to this day. So yeah, I remember apples last year.

This year I was determined to be a good steward of the tree we had inherited. It was exploding with apples and I didn't want the dog or rat episodes from last year to repeat themselves. Some helpful friends on Facebook directed me to Home Depot and I bought a $40 apple picking device. How rural of me.

And a couple weeks ago we picked apples. Man did we pick apples!

We even bought this fabulous thingy that spins and peels and cores the apples,

leaving them in a perfectly cut spiral.

It's really fun, and easy enough for a 4 year old to do it independently.

This invention mesmerizes children and adults alike.

Come on over and I'll let you try it. You'll have a great time.

Abby even gave it a shot.

I decided applesauce was the most practical end for these apples

because all four members of my household eat applesauce like nobody's business.

We made a pie too.

Mostly because I am in my thirties and I'd never made an apple pie before

...which felt wrong somehow.

The fruits of our labor. Literally.

Chris, Abby and I have enjoyed our applesauce.
We shared our applesauce with friends too.

I will probably be making more soon as this tree is seriously out of control.

But did Samantha enjoy the gloriousness of homemade applesauce

...created from the tree she plays under every day

...made with the efforts of her own skinny little arms?

No, she gave me SASS and insisted on eating this applesauce.

...which I was very annoyed to find in the back of my refrigerator

while making room for the cans of homemade sauce.

What can you do?

I'm sure there are some things I would prefer store bought to homemade too.

Toll House cookie dough ~~cookies~~ comes to mind.

The applesauce recipe I used is super simple and can be found HERE.

I used less sugar, and one batch without any sugar.

Mmm, mmm, mmm.

Where were you?

2011-09-11T15:54:00.000-07:00

Where were you when you heard the news of the buildings that once stood here?

I was in Kijabe, Kenya...in this gymnasium.

It was sometime after 4pm in Kenya and I was watching a high school basketball game at Rift Valley Academy where I was working as a "dorm mom."

I remember hearing a high school student rush in the gym and say, "they are flying planes into buildings in New York City." At first I thought he was kidding...but he didn't look like he was kidding. I went immediately to my fellow dorm mom's apartment where I was having dinner later that evening, because she had a TV. She already had the television turned on to KBC (Kenya Broadcasting Corporation) who was patching in BBC. I stood there speechless, with the rest of those in the room, and we watched and listened in silence. And then the buildings were gone. We watched it unfold live from the other side of the planet. And then there was news of the Pentagon. And a field in PA.

We prayed. What else could we possibly do?

It was such a strange and surreal experience to be separated from my country during this tragedy. There was extremely limited media exposure, we had no Internet on campus, and even email and phone communication was difficult and expensive. I missed a lot about Sept 11th...the coverage, the stories of heroes, the efforts of so many to help with clean-up and recovery, the displays of patriotism. Maybe that is why I have been so drawn to watching media coverage of the 10th anniversary this weekend.

But one thing I did get to experience were the gestures of support and empathy from people a world, or two, away from ground zero. Kenyans would constantly tell us Americans how sorry they were for our country and that they were praying for us. People who were living in poverty were feeling pain for our loss and were praying for us. It was humbling and remarkable to experience third world support and prayers for America in September 2001.

We had some minutes of remembrance and prayer for 9/11 at church this morning. And then we came upon this display at a local park where we took the kids after church. A simple act of remembrance, very well done. I think it is really important to remember.

Where were you that day when you heard the news?
What did you do today to remember?

When the power goes out

2011-09-09T08:13:00.000-07:00

Yesterday afternoon around 4pm the power went out.

But I mean it REALLY went out...all of San Diego County, as well as parts of Mexico and Orange County and Arizona (you can read the full story here). I read that 5 million customers were without power. It took my husband over 2 hours to make the 10 mile drive home from work yesterday. Apparently traffic lights are very, very necessary. I also just read that the outage caused a sewage spill in San Diego that closed area beaches. Awesome. I also just read that "human error" was to blame. I get human error - we are humans, we error. But usually errors don't affect 5 million people. I'd hate to be that particular human.

When it became clear yesterday that the outage was B-I-G, and the power would probably be out for hours I thought about women giving birth, or people in surgery (what? I did). How do power outages work at hospitals? Then I realized hospitals have undoubtedly thought about mid-birth, mid-surgery power outages and have backup generators or something.

But you know who doesn't have a backup generator? My MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group.

This morning was supposed to be our first meeting, but it was cancelled due to the outage. I should be at our church campus right now prepping balloons and running around ~~like a crazy woman~~ with excitement for a new year of MOPS. But instead, I am at a coffee shop, practically in my jammies, writing about this experience so that I can just MOVE ON and put it behind me. (Yes, the power came back on late last night.)

Here's the thing. It wasn't the MANY hours that MANY people put in to preparing for our first meeting that upset me most. It wasn't even the MANY fabulous volunteers who were coming to help work with the kids and had to be cancelled that made me cry (yes, I cried...but that isn't saying much for me). It was the fact that this wasn't my finest week of mothering that really made me upset about the whole thing.

I had been working hard preparing for MOPS this week - at the expense of my kids - and now there was no MOPS this week. Certainly not all of my work was for naught, we will have a second chance at a first meeting in two weeks. But I will NEVER get back that terrible hour and a half running errands at Target and The Party Store yesterday (could you hear Abby's tantrums from your house?), or have the opportunity to handle the terribleness differently. And I will never get the chance to take back my general impatience or inattentiveness with my little munchkins this week.

Here is what the power outage taught me...when the power goes out, what matters the most is how you handled yourself when the power was on. Things get cancelled all the time. Weather happens. Power outages happen. When things get cancelled, even important things I have put a lot of time in to, what matters most to me is how I have handled myself as a mother and a wife.

And although I am just talking about my week and MOPS, there is a pretty obvious metaphor here (that I can't pass up on) regarding the fact that "the power" is going to go out for all of us at some point. I mean totally out...permanently...lights off and not coming back on...ever. Follow me? And what will matter when that day comes is not what we were trying to accomplish, but how we were, and who we were, and how we treated people when "the power" was on.

My great friend Anne tried to comfort me yesterday when I shared that it wasn't my best week of motherhood by reminding me that, no matter what, I had "clothed the naked and fed the hungry" this week (a reference to Matthew 25). I really needed and appreciated that. She was right. Well, mostly...because at the time Samantha was only wearing underwear and a t-shirt (but it WAS a hot day!).

A 16-hour date OR Paying for what used to be free

2011-09-07T07:16:00.000-07:00

We got to go on a 16-hour date this weekend. Not that I was counting the hours or anything.

Chris' parents had plans to come to town for another reason (other than us - imagine that!?!) and they offered to come early and give us a date...a big overnight date. We actually waffled about saying yes for awhile. It wasn't great timing, as they were getting in late on Sunday night and we had plans on Labor Day, not to mention I had a lot of MOPS work to do. But, we came to our senses and realized THEY HAD OFFERED and we would be crazy to pass it up. Besides, our 9th anniversary is coming up next month so we would call this our anniversary celebration. I always need a really good justification for spending money on myself, so the anniversary was just the thing!

We got on Priceline, picked our region, our quality of hotels (the highest available, please!) and placed our bid. We were a little nervous as we waited for Captain Kirk to choose where we would be spending our anniversary date...
The Hyatt in La Jolla. Sounds good to me!

Grandma and Grandpa arrived, the kids were thrilled, and we set out on our date at 6:30pm. We took our tiny junky truck (sorry honey, just keepin' it real)...the one with NO CAR SEATS...the one we used to make-out in when we were 22 and in college...the one form of transportation we started our marriage with (unless you count a skateboard)...the vehicle in which I learned two lessons: 1. how to drive stick shift 2. I'm not a good student when my husband is the teacher. Being together in that truck just makes me feel young and in love. It also makes me feel like I want to pay a lot of money to have it professionally cleaned.

To make a long story short, we had a great date. We ate at The Melting Pot which has relational significance for us as it is where we used to celebrate big occasions when we lived in Littleton, CO. We finished dinner and took our REALLY full bellies back to our hotel at 10:30pm. The hotel was wonderful, and even though we couldn't sleep in (4 years of children will TOTALLY kill your ability to sleep in) we also weren't summoned out of, or joined in bed by little people at 7am. What a treat!

The morning was completely at our own pace. We wandered to Starbucks and took a drive up to Mt. Soledad, a place I have wanted to see for some time. We took in the panoramic sights of San Diego and marveled at the fact that we live in a place were people vacation. We are so blessed. Then we meandered home via the coastal route and ran a few errands along the way. 16 hours later we returned, hugged our kids, and hugged Grandma and Grandpa even harder.

Thank you, thank you, thank you to these two for that much needed time together!

As I thought about our date two things hit me. 1. Sometimes it is a little bit of work to go on dates, but it is ALWAYS worth it. The prep, the packing, and the clean-up pale in comparison to having precious uninterrupted time with my husband. Which leads me to 2. We essentially just paid good money (albeit not for babysitting) for what used to be free.

What did we pay for? 16 hours, just the two of us. Waking up in a room where no one else needed us or wanted us. Doing things according to our own clock. Having uninterrupted conversation. Getting out of a vehicle and not having to unbuckle anyone. Walking hand in hand and not paying attention to anyone else but each other. Driving in a car without turning around to tend to the backseat...not even once.

We had all of these "luxuries" for 4.5 years, but sometimes you don't know to appreciate things until they are gone, or at least changed. I never knew taking a shower, or being in the bathroom ALL ALONE would be a luxury. I never knew 16 hours with my husband would become a REALLY BIG DEAL.

But hey, sometimes you have to pay for what used to be free. Sometimes the act of paying for things that used to be free reminds you of what is important and sooooo worth investing in...like marriage, or our kids being able to someday say, Yeah, I remember Mom and Dad going on dates a lot...sometimes even overnight.

Windy Mt Soledad

Updates and happenings

2011-09-01T23:25:00.000-07:00

I have been REALLY busy this week doing another job I don't get paid for. Working for free...it's what I do best. But I only work for free for REALLY good causes...like my family, for instance...or MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers).

A lot of people have been doing a lot of work getting ready for MOPS to start again soon. It's going to be another great year. I'll write more about MOPS later. For now, I have no brain power left, except to mention a few updates on previous posts, as well as a few momentous things that happened this week.

#1 Operation Baby Walk is a success! Not only is Abby on her feet more than her knees theses days, but this week she discovered "the loop." We did not realize when we bought this home that there was a circular path perfect for parades, chasing, dancing, pulling toys/dogs/siblings, head-on collisions etc...but we know now. "The loop" has provided Abby with a great route for walking practice. This video is 45 seconds long, but 15-20 will give you the idea.

#2 The Family Cup has arrived...and is in it's rightful place.

#3 We survived Sam's second dentist appointment for a filling today, although it was almost worse than the first. Here is the TOTALLY UNDESERVED fish I promised her (or maybe he's in the castle).

In defense of Sam's tears, tantrums, and near panic-attacks at her dentist appointments this past week, she did have a tooth pulled (terrible experience!) a few months ago and I think we may still have a little PTSD going on.

And in other news this week...

Samantha can officially write S-A-M-A-N-T-H-A (while wearing a ridiculous outfit, no less).

We had to say good-bye to our favorite babysitter as she leaves for a semester of travel, and then college.

And this is what I walked in on today when I came in my room to get Sam out of her quiet time.

Kind of hilarious. Kind of creepy (think coffin).

Bring on that holiday weekend...because I need more time to work on MOPS stuff.

New Year's Resolutions Revisited

2011-08-29T21:20:00.000-07:00

Back in January, while Sam and I were doing some coloring, I decided to make this New Year's Resolution list to put inside my pantry door so I would look at it every day. It has been there ever since.

Jealous of my artistic abilities?

Funny how easy it is to NOT pay attention to things you see every day. This past week I paid attention to my list a little more, and as an act of personal accountability I would like to revisit this list and see how I am doing.

Date. We had a goal of two dates per month for 2011 and I am happy to report we are 16 for 16. If you'd told me when we were engaged that I would have to put "date" on a resolution list I would have told you that you were crazy. No, no, not us. We will never stop dating. Then, we had kids.

~~Run.~~ Haven't run all year. Oh, maybe once or twice. I must have put this on the list because I had just run a half-marathon in November and didn't want to lose all that hard work. Well, it's lost. Probably because I REALLY don't like running. Next...

Africa. I don't know what my goal was here exactly. Maybe just to bring Africa back into my life in a new way. Aside from sponsoring children, prayer, and financial giving, there haven't been any developments with this one. Although meeting Emmanuel was a Africa related highlight of the year. We'll get back there someday, I'm just sure of it. Patience. If you have been paying attention to the news and want to do something to help those impacted by the famine in East Africa CLICK HERE, and give through World Vision. In my opinion, non-profit agencies don't get much better than World Vision.

Write. This will be blog post #47, so I'd say I am writing. CHECK.

Water. I used to be a good water drinker when I lived in the mile high city...mostly because I would get wicked head aches if I didn't drink A LOT of agua. Sea level living, and not being pregnant, has meant I drink a lot less. I'm generally convinced that drinking water will help or cure what ails you, but I'm not doing great with this one. Where's that water bottle?

Sleep. I'm pretty sure if I consistently got 8 hours of sleep I would feel better and just BE better. I guess I'll never know for sure...at least not this year.

Read. I have soooo many books I want to read. Book club does keep me accountable to reading some, but I do still want to carve out more time at night for reading. If only it didn't put me straight to sleep. And if only The Bachelorette, American Idol, and Netflix didn't exist.

Peace. Not sure how I gauge how this one is going. I would say I am more peaceful now than I was in December 2010, so that's good. But think how much more peaceful I would be if I could get 8 hours of sleep a night.

On track = Date.Write. Read. Peace.

Abandoned, or needs more work = Run. Africa. Water. Sleep.
But I've got 4 more months left in 2011.

Lessons in letting go...from the dentist

2011-08-26T13:15:00.000-07:00

My 4 year old had her first cavity filled yesterday. If she inherited my teeth, which it seems she has, it is sure not to be her last. In fact, her second one is happening next week. Ugh.

I got a lot of good advice on Facebook. I prepped Sam for what the experience would be like. I bribed her...like crazy. I spoke of the Jamba Juice we would drink, and the new Strawberry Shortcake and Hello Kitty shows we would watch when we returned home successful and triumphant.

Things were looking good at first. She started the morning totally upbeat. The appointment was strategically scheduled for 8am so Daddy could be there. Sam marched in strongly, picked out her movie (Tangled, of course), and laid on the seat. Then the really sweet assistant got the nose piece for the magic gas...AND SAM TOTALLY LOST IT. There was screaming, the flowing tears, sitting straight up and refusing to wear the nose piece, coaxing, more bribing, hygienists shutting the door so Sam wouldn't scare the other kids. We are just at the gas part remember? Things weren't looking good anymore.

Then Dr. D came in. He assessed the situation. And he asked to talk to me in the hallway. It kind of felt like I was in trouble. He kindly and gently (yet very authoritatively) told me that it would probably be best if Mom, Dad, and baby sister exited the room and let them handle Sam on their own. We were being kicked out, plain and simple.

Chris and Abby left, and then Dr. D basically told the little frantic patient (quite sternly) that if she didn't stop crying and fussing I would have to leave, but if she could lay nice and still then Mom could stay. Ouch. So much for TLC. But he was spot on. Sam has always responded well to strength, and strength worked this time too. She calmed down, breathed in, watched her movie, and in 30 minutes or so the deed was done. It wasn't pretty, but we survived.

In addition to a child with a filling, this rookie parent walked out of the dentist office having received a big lesson in letting go. I tried to control the situation by over-explaining what would happen to Sam, but the assistant basically told me it is better to let the professionals do the talking so as not to make too big of a deal about the whole thing. Oops. Judging by the abject failure of my prep work, I think she was right. I needed to let go of trying to perfectly prepare, and thus try to control, the experience for my child.

I also realized that in order for capable professionals to do their job of helping my child I needed to shut up and simply hold a hand. I got to stay in the room today, but I'm sure there will be future experiences with my children where it is actually better if I am not there. Imagine that. Letting go is a hard lesson to learn, but we are raising our children in order to release them into the world one day, not to hold them close forever, so it was an important lesson to learn too. And apparently I need a lot more practice.

Jamba Juice and a crooked smile.

The Help...

2011-08-25T00:40:00.000-07:00

I read The Help on advice of my book club (and the rest of America) earlier this year. It is a remarkable book that you both don't want to put down, and don't want to end.

Tonight I went to see the film, The Help, with my book club. It is a remarkable movie. And I had a small Diet Coke (which was actually quite BIG for a small), which is why I am awake and writing this post at midnight. Anyway...

Unlike most movies based on really great novels, this one does not disappoint. I felt like the actors nailed it. I think Kathryn Stockett's story was so good that the film makers actually didn't mess with it too much. Thank you for that, Hollywood.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the storyline, on its most basic level, the book is about black house maids and the white women they work for. Within that simple, yet complex, framework the story weaves together threads of friendship between women, courage, fear, and the power of the written word. It is set in Mississippi, in 1962.

The thing that kept throwing me off as I both read and watched The Help was the fact that it was set in 1962. As I read, and watched, I kept thinking that the story must have been set much earlier, because between the work and the wages and the way the house maids were treated, it all bordered on slavery...yet I'm pretty sure slavery was abolished about a hundred years before this story was set. There was nothing equal about the "separate but equal" world depicted in The Help. But then "separate but equal" was always a bit of a misnomer, wasn't it?

So back to 1962. That was less than 50 years ago. My parents had been on the planet for around a decade. 1962 was not that long ago. It is hard to believe that the world depicted in The Help could possibly have been less than 50 years ago. Like the part about white families building separate bathrooms for the women who practically raised their babies. Or the part where African-Americans are sitting in the back of buses, or taking separate buses, or using different entrances to movie theaters, or being treated as less, so...much...less. I grew up in "the north," and I now live in "the west," so perhaps my geography influences my shock that the segregation on screen and in print could possibly have been less than a half-century ago.

Here is what else hit me while I watched the film tonight. I was embarrassed and proud.

Embarrassed, obviously, that parts of our country were so segregated, so recently. Embarrassed at the ignorance and arrogance and injustice. Embarrassed that when my children read this book someday, or see this film, I will have to explain that this happened less than 20 years before I was born.

But I was also proud.

Proud because of who is in the White House.

Proud because in 3 days, on the 48th anniversary of his "I Have a Dream" speech, America is dedicating the Martin Luther King Jr. National Memorial in our nation's capital. The monument is 30 feet high. It is as immense as the inequality once was.

It is true that 1962 wasn't that long ago.
But it is also true that we have come a long way in 49 years. I am proud because we have made great strides as a country.

Oh yeah, and it is ALSO true that caffeinated beverages after 7pm are not a good idea for me. Sheesh.

Even split

2011-08-23T06:50:00.000-07:00

This month was a big marker for our biggest kid. As of this month Samantha has lived in Colorado and California an equal amount of time. That marker won't happen for Chris and me until 2016.

When we moved to CA she looked like this.

Now she looks like this.

But she doesn't always wear that outfit.

My hope is that Samantha will always have a little Colorado in her. A little love for mountains, a little love for snow, a little love for hiking, a little love for camping, a little love for skiing (not snowboarding).

We tell her often how she was born in Denver and lived in Littleton for her first two years of life. We show her pictures of the three of us hiking in Aspen and Rocky Mountain National Park. We talk about our friends in Colorado. I hope that she will feel special that she was born in a wonderful place like Colorado, and I hope we will be able to bring her back there often enough to keep her connected to her birthplace.

I smile thinking about how we used to bring her to the National Western every January ~~to see the cowboys~~ for the rodeo, and now we bring her to the Hurley Pro at Trestles every September ~~to see Kelly Slater in his wetsuit~~ to watch world class surfers. Snow used to be right out our front door, now it is a novelty that we only enjoy in Chicago at Christmas (if it is over 10 degrees), or on occasion in Big Bear. Sniff sniff.

A lot has changed in two years. But "birthplace: Denver, CO" will never change for Sam. I love that.

------------------------------------

One of the biggest changes over the last two years is that we added this little lady to the mix.

Our homegrown California girl...our constant source of entertainment.

But she doesn't always wear that bike helmet.
Although it wouldn't be a bad idea.

A Tribute to GG

2011-08-19T14:11:00.000-07:00

My Grandma Gwen passed away 11 days ago. I spoke at her memorial service, but there was so much more I could have said. So I will take this opportunity to do just that.

Gwendolyn Judge
Born September 14, 1931 in Liverpool, England
(the fifth of ten children)
Died August 8, 2011 in Princeton, West Virginia
Wife to 1.
Mother of 3.
Grandmother of 10.
Great-grandmother of 5.

Preceded in death by the love of her life, Grandpa Jim, her special grandson Nathan, and her great-grandson Benjamin

We grew up calling her Grandma Gwen, but when great-grandchildren came into the picture she shortened her own name to GG. She never liked her first name (weird!) so I think this was her attempt to get rid of it. Oh, Grandma.

For as long as I can remember I have taken great pride in my Grandma's history. Remember that opening scene in The Lion The Witch and the Wardrobe? The part where the children of WWII are running for cover, hiding in bomb shelters, and being shipped off to the English countryside for protection. That was her childhood. Only instead of stepping through a wardrobe, 17 year old Gwendolyn got on a boat and headed for America. All by herself. The only one in her family to do so. GG was a strong, brave, and independent woman.

Grandma purposely lost her British accent when she started a new life in America, a decision my sisters and I have always regretted on her behalf. Wouldn't that have been so fun to have a Grandma with a British accent!?! Think Mrs. Teapot, Judy Dench, Helen Mirren etc. Well, what she lacked in British speech patterns she made up for in British sense of humor. What is British humor? Think slapstick, people falling, anything a little inappropriate. Think The Office...the original British series. Some of my fondest memories with my Grandma were watching her laugh to tears watching movies like Robin Hood Men In Tights (Mel Brooks) or Young Frankenstein (Mel Brooks again). I am happy to say that she passed on her slightly off-color sense of humor to her son (my father), my sisters, and me.

Some other facts about my Grandma: she made AMAZING spaghetti; she was a really good golfer (although it doesn't seem she passed this gift on to any of her offspring); she was an incredibly beautiful and classy woman; she was entertainingly frugal; she was stubborn; she had a screaming yelp of a laugh which has been passed on to at least three of her grandchildren - me included; she had a MAJOR sweet tooth (I blame all my fillings on her); she was always sharp and very funny; she had a faith in Jesus that was private, but always there.

Although she never said this herself, I think one of her biggest sources of pride must have been what amazing parents her three children turned out to be. Her two sons and one daughter are very different from each other, and went different directions after college, but one thing they all share is that they are remarkable parents. I am forever grateful that I get to be the daughter of GG's oldest son. He is a phenomenal father. The devoted dads and mom that she raised give testimony to her mothering.

Grandma was a complicated woman and had many little idiosyncrasies that I will not mention out of respect for her. But isn't it funny that when people pass away it is those silly little things that are the most endearing. I'm going to remind my husband of this fact.

Grandma was also married to a complicated man. A man she loved dearly and deeply. It is her marriage that is one of her greatest legacies. Grandma and Grandpa were married 52 years and it was a special kind of marriage. Perhaps it was their own difficult pasts that made them cling so tightly to each other. As my Uncle Lucky so eloquently said at Grandma's memorial service, they were satisfied with just each other. Together they were enough. None of us could imagine Grandma carrying on without Grandpa, but as I mentioned, she is a strong woman, and she did carry on for almost 9 years. Yet, even after he passed, she would continue to talk about my Grandpa like she was still a young woman in love. Even when he was gone they were still a couple.

Grandma always loved well. She loved her husband well. She loved her children well. And her grandchildren and great-grandchildren were no exception. Three of the last four years Grandma traveled on her own all the way from West Virginia for a little reunion in Illinois. My sisters and I always made sure we would be there to simply BE with Grandma Gwen. It was a delight to watch her love her great-grandchildren. Even though chronic health issues prevented her from keeping up with toddlers, she would always volunteer to hold, watch, or stay back with the babies. She was amazing with our babies.

Perhaps the biggest impact Grandma Gwen had on me was her consistent communication of acceptance and encouragement. I always felt safe and secure with GG. I honestly have no memory of her being critical or judgemental. Everyone should be so lucky to have a grandma that simply thinks you are wonderful. There is enough negativity and criticism in the world, and she did a great job of building up, not tearing down. When I was going through a particularly challenging period with 2 year old Samantha and she could see I was exhausted and frustrated she would tell me I was doing a great job and that Samantha was a great kid. And you know what...that was exactly what I needed. What a privilege for me as a young vulnerable mother to receive her perspective and encouragement.

when I was catching up on email. We used to email each other. It felt really really strange that she wasn't there to write to anymore. Her responses were always short and sweet, as were her phone calls, but it was so comforting to know she was there. And now she isn't.

Grandma's last words to me when we left her house in June were, "You keep bloggin' me, Em." Cutest thing ever! She probably wouldn't have been thrilled to be included in my blog, as she detested the spotlight, but GG was a woman worth sharing about...and I'm glad I did.

Love you Grandma.

Georgia On My Mind (Part 2)

2011-08-16T16:33:00.000-07:00

Lake Burton, GA Family Vacation 2011
Top Ten Continued...
#6 through #10

#6 THE FAMILY CUP.

We made team flags.

We had team colors.

We did team cheers.

We competed in 10 events.

AND WE WON.
Cue We Are the Champions...

I cannot gloat too much because many events were determined by chance or dumb luck.
But we did rock it at Cornhole.

The cup was too heavy to come back in our suitcase, so it will be mailed to us soon by my mom.

Come on over and see it sometime...it will be on our mantel.

#7 THE COUSINS. Watching our kids love each other, play together, annoy each other, and laugh together fills my heart to the brim. What a gift these kids have in each other. Five kids in five years. How many will there be for family vacation 2016??? It's a little scary to think about.

Quinten (5), Samantha (4), Albin (3), Abby (16 months), Jackson (12 months)

We even got to celebrate Jackson's first birthday together. So special!

Birthday party theme was "everything on a stick"

...corn dogs, fruit kabobs, salad on a stick, and yummy cake pops.

Nicely done Jenny.

#8 THE KIDS FIRST "PAJAMA RIDE". We grew up doing pajama rides. Basically, my parents would wake us up (probably around 9pm) and say PAJAMA RIDE!, and then we would go in our pjs to get ice cream, or do something else fun and exciting (anything and everything is fun and exciting when you are out at night in your pjs). Well, my dad thought the three big kids were old enough, so they had their first pajama ride. It consisted of a water balloon fight, sparklers, and a night swim under a mostly full moon. It was kind of magical...for all of us.

Papa explaining what is going on...

Nice shot Sam.

#9 THE WEATHER. Since we were in Georgia, in August, it is worth mentioning that the weather was perfect. Not too hot. Not too humid. Not too buggy. Great water temperature. We even got a fabulous thunder storm one afternoon which was really exciting for those of us who live in California. I miss thunderstorms!

Storm blowing across the lake.

#10 THE PHONE CALL. While not a highlight, it was a big part of our time together.

This was the part of the vacation we were not anticipating. On Monday I remember looking up from my tube in the lake and seeing my dad waving to those of us in the water saying he had to go to West Virginia (5 hour drive) right now because he had just received a call that things were changing (in a bad way) with his mom, who had recently been hospitalized. My dad is a physician and knew he needed to get there fast. We all helped him pack up as quickly as possible, and Lars (a pastor) decided to go with my dad to lend support. A couple hours later my dad called from the road to say that our sweet Grandma Gwen had passed away.

We had all just been with Grandma Gwen in June for my cousins wedding. She cooked her famous spaghetti for 20 people that weekend. She had 9 people sleep at her house. She played with her 5 great-grandchildren. And now, only two months later, she was gone.

There was something special about the fact that we received this news and experienced her death all together. And it was amazing to see my dad in role of loving son. He went to West Virginia, and together with his sister, made all the decisions that needed to be made, and then he returned to GA to be with his family. I think we all enjoyed the time with dad, and each other, in a different way after he returned. Perhaps a more appreciative way. Thankful for every minute we all have together.

There was something almost divine about the fact that we were all on the east coast and could travel together to West Virginia at the end of the week to say good-bye to our Grandma. My sisters, my mom, and I all participated in the service, we visited my Grandma's home one last time, and we had dinner with my cousins and aunt and uncles. We laughed and cried about our Grandma. She was a really special woman and I will write a bit about her later.

It was a big week. A bigger week than we had anticipated. A week full of joy and sorrow. A week full of laughter and tears. A week where we celebrated a first birthday, and a life well lived.

Even in our loss it was a beautiful week...of family doing what family does.

Georgia On My Mind (Part 1)

2011-08-15T19:24:00.000-07:00

We recently returned from our family vacation at Lake Burton, in Georgia.
What a trip! It was amazing, simply amazing.

In keeping with other trips and events that I am unable to sum up in words,

I will share, once again, my TOP 10...this time relying mostly on pictures (a lot of them!) to tell the story.

Here is # 1 through #5 for FAMILY VACATION 2011

#1 - THE HOUSE. It was unbelievable. The perfect space for all of us to relax and rest and play. If you haven't heard of Vacation Rentals By Owner you should definitely check it out!

Thank you to Dad & Mom/Papa & MorMor/Grandpa & Grandma/Jim & Cindy..whatever your names are,

who had the vision and generosity to rent the house...

...for these 13 grateful people.

#2 - THE FAMILY TIME. That is what this trip was all about, and we enjoyed every minute of it.

Craft time with Grandma.

Meal times on the deck.

Morning yoga. Even Abby got in on the action.

The kids at their favorite meal spot.

Grandpa and Abby.

#3 THE WATER. I married into a family of ocean lovers, but I was born into a family of lake lovers. I grew up vacationing at lakes in Wisconsin, so this lake house vacation just felt natural (although it was a definite upgrade from where we used to stay growing up). Most of our days were spent in the water.

Lots of our water time was relaxing.

Where you headed Jackson?

But plenty of the water time was exciting too.

The amazing diving sisters.

#4 THE BOATS. The house came with a pontoon that we used every day. We also rented a speed boat for one day. Boats are really fun.

#5 THE ADRENALINE. Well, my little family's need for adrenaline was certainly met last week. And that is saying a lot for my husband. Chris got injured and was sore...which means he had a lot of fun.

Abby loved every second on the tube.

Jumping from the top deck of the boat house wasn't enough for Chris.

No, no.

He had to run, dive over the railing, and do a front flip on his way down.
He's nuts.

Sam and Quinten holding on for dear life.

It had been 10 years since I water skied. 10 YEARS.

I was VERY rusty, but I loved every second.

No one had seen someone on a wake board purposely hang out on the lip of the wake before.

Hey, he surfs, that is where he is comfortable.

Next post will be #6-10. Results of The Family Cup will be included. Can you stand the suspense?

The Family Cup

2011-08-05T08:04:00.000-07:00

For the past 7 summers my side of the family has joined together for a family vacation.

It is one of my favorite weeks of the year.

We are also together every other Christmas, but our summer vacations are special and different.

Mostly because there is no snow.

Here is where we have been so far...

Door County, WI

2005: Door County, WI (8 adults)
2006: Chicagoland (8 adults, 1 child)
2007: San Diego (8 adults, 2 children)
2008: Door County, WI (8 adults, 3 children)
2009: San Diego (8 adults, 3 children)
2010: Chicagoland (8 adults, 4 children)

And here is where we are headed later this month...
2011: A lake in GEORGIA (8 adults, 5 children...ages 5 and under)

Why Georgia you may ask? I actually have no idea. It was my parents plan and they are renting the big beautiful lake house with the pontoon
boat, so we'll be there...with bells on.

And this year, we have a new element to family vacation...The Family Cup.

The following invite arrived in the mail last week (my sister Jenny probably put this together in an hour):

"The Family Cup will be an annual event in which families compete for the rights

to the Family Cup, to remain in their residence for the year."

Events include:

Board/Card Games...Dutch Blitz, Ticket to Ride, Wits and Wagers

Family Game...Three Legged Race, Dominoes, Physical Endurance Test

Daddy Challenge...Water Sport (my husband is SO gonna take that one!), Best Meal, Best Card Trick

Mommy Challenge...Ladder Ball, Corn Hole, Diaper Bag Race

Kid Challenge...Bible Verse Memorization, Dance Performance, Sticker Picking

The Teams...

It's a little nerdy, it promotes competition between toddlers,
and something about it keeps making me think of Saved By The Bell.

It's going to be AWESOME.

I will make sure to let you know how the competition turned out when vacation is done and we return
...WITH THE CUP!

love-love

2011-08-02T19:48:00.000-07:00

Last night, August 1, 2011, marked 10 years that I have been wearing the same thing. My engagement ring.

10 years ago, in Denver, Chris asked me to marry him. I remember music, candles, one knee, dessert, and tears being involved. I don't remember saltine crackers and Diet Coke, but based on the picture above, they were there too. Oh dear, and I am definitely wearing the same dress I wore to a baby shower last weekend. Note to self...GO SHOPPING!

Anyway, 10 years ago I said YES. And then 2 weeks after I said YES I got on a plane and flew to Kenya, while my fiance returned to his job in Kauai. Not an ideal arrangement for a newly engaged couple. We had faith then that distance (10,000 miles, actually) wouldn't be a problem, just like we have faith now that it will really be "forever" for us.

We celebrated last night with a surprise date (for Chris) to a tennis tournament. A friend from Book Club gave me tickets to The Mercury Insurance Open, a US Open Series event for professional women's tennis. We used to play tennis together when we were first married, we enjoy watching tennis on TV, and we are suckers for "big events," so we were excited to watch our first professional match together.

We didn't realize you can't really talk during a tennis tournament, which isn't ideal for a date. But you can whisper, which requires sitting very close to each other, and that is ideal for a date.

It also turns out they have a lot of rules for the spectators at tennis tournaments, and a lot of people enforcing the rules. Like the guy who tried to make me sit in a separate location from my husband because the game was starting up again and apparently you are supposed to SIT DOWN...immediately...wherever you are...no matter what. I pretended not to hear him.

Anyway, I had two thoughts last night while watching these athletes duke it out.

#1 I am getting old. My back really hurt after sitting in those bleacher seats for a couple of hours. And the competitors were 10 & 11 years old when we got engaged in 2001.

#2 There were a few years where our marriage was kind of like a singles tennis match. Two people on opposite sides of a net facing each other and trying desperately to WIN. It wasn't our best season of marriage. We were on opposite teams looking out for our own interests. At the time, a good friend who knew we were working on being more of a team would check in with us and ask how "Team K" was doing.

I am happy to report that on the TEN YEAR anniversary of the night we officially decided to become a team, we actually have become a good team. Not a perfect team, but a good team. Although we still need a lot of practice and coaching!

Oh my word who let these CHILDREN get engaged???

Book recommendation: Heaven is For Real

2011-07-31T16:26:00.000-07:00

While I slacked off and didn't read the book for my book club this month, I did finally pick up this book that my sister lent to me....mostly because I'm going to see her soon and she will want it back...and because the book is so, well, YELLOW, which doesn't let you to forget about it.

I ended up reading this book in 3 sittings over a 24 hour period. I couldn't put it down.

One of those reading times started in a Starbucks, but I had to retreat to my car and drive to the parking lot of a nearby park...because I was WEEPING. I mean WEEPING.

If you haven't already heard about this book, basically, it is about "a little boy's astounding story of his trip to heaven and back." For real. Heaven. There is probably a ton of skepticism and criticism circulating out there about the authenticity of this story, as I'm sure there is with any book related to this topic, or based on the testimony of children. As I read this book I used the same tool I was encouraged to use when reading research studies in grad school and asked myself, "Does this ring true?" For me, it did. Is it Gospel truth? No. Is every detail accurately remembered? I doubt it. But does it ring true?

The book is simply written and a fast read. And it has been on the New York Times Best Sellers list for 35 weeks (if that fact lends any credibility for you).

If you are a skeptic, read before you criticize; that is the only fair thing to do.
If you are a doubter, give it a try and see what the book does for you.
If you are a believer, the content of this book will resonate.
If you have ever wondered what Jesus looks like, His picture is between pages 74 and 75. For real :)
If you have EVER had a miscarriage, you will feel hope. I did.
If you are an adult (I'm guessin' you are!), you will be moved by a child's simple account of the complex.
If you love a child, you will be encouraged to keep really loving that child, and other children too.
If you have ever lost anyone, you will be comforted.
If you have $10 and want to read it, click here and buy it...then pass it on.

Out of the mouths of babes.

A shout out for Book Club

2011-07-28T11:40:00.000-07:00

Last night I went to BOOK CLUB.

I have been going to this book club for almost two years now. My wonderful neighbor invited me when we first moved in. I am so glad she did.

I love this book club because it has nothing to do with being a mother. I love this book club because it is made up of a very diverse group of people. Different ages, different stages, different racial and geographic backgrounds, different political and religious views. There is only one other woman with young kids in the group, but she is British, and doesn't go to my church, so even the two of us are "different" from each other.
It is so refreshing to spend one night a month with these great women.

I also love this book club because they let me come even when I haven't read the books. Seriously, we are very accepting of members who haven't read the books. I think last night was my third time this year freeloading on the conversation and the food. Given that it is only July, my 2011 stats aren't great.

Have I mentioned that we have dinner together? I love this book club because we always have great food and wine, which definitely helps in encouraging stimulating conversation...some of the time. And some of the time we just bash the book, catch up on each other's drama, or talk about movies and current events.

Funny enough, we have even read some really good books at book club... Still Alice, Sarah's Key, and The Help. And there were a bunch of others that were just all right. And a few that weren't all right at all.

My point is, I enjoy this book club for many reasons ~~other than~~ in addition to the books. And that's A-O-K.

A sample of our recent books. Want to borrow one?

Technology part 2: Step away from the laptop

2011-07-26T07:12:00.000-07:00

Something has been bothering me lately.

I have been waiting for Samantha (now 4 years old) to make a comment or request regarding our technology practices. Something resembling:
"Mommy, can you stop looking at the computer, I am trying to talk to you."
"Daddy, don't look at your phone while we are at the park."
"Mommy, I don't want you to have the computer on your lap while we are watching Curious George."
"Hey you guys, can you turn those things OFF!"

Sam is an analytical, inquisitive, smart little cookie (if I do say so myself)...but she has never uttered a word or comment remotely resembling those above. I've been thinking that this is really strange. Then, recently, I started thinking about how it may make perfect sense.

the kids, the laundry basket, the laptop...always close by.

I don't think Sam has made a request for her parents to turn off/shut down/ look away/take a break from our beloved technology because, perhaps, SHE DOESN'T KNOW IT IS AN OPTION. She may not even know these things TURN OFF. Honestly, I wonder (just speculating here, of course) if our laptops, cell phones, etc. are so much a part of our daily life that my daughter wouldn't even think to ask us to take a break from them. It would be like Sam asking me to stop showering or doing dishes. Maybe she doesn't ask because she thinks that it is an essential part of life.
But, how essential is it?

These new thoughts on this topic make me sad.
My daughter should know that she can ask me to stop tinkering with my technology.

On one hand, technology makes me a better mom. Seriously. Being a stay-at-home-mom can be lonely and isolating and technology can make me feel more connected, and thus re-fuel me for the sometimes looooooong days taking care of my little people. I also use my beloved laptop for my kids. I find parks, deals on diapers, activities, events, and craft ideas. I use email, text messages, Facebook etc. to coordinate activities and playdates for my kids.

On the other hand, while it only takes me a couple minutes to quickly check my email, Facebook, or a website, one little click often leads to many more and it can make me distracted from my kids.

the laptop's normal resting place

I decided recently that I am going to stop waiting for Samantha to ask me to power it down or turn it off, and instead make the decision to do that myself more often. One day last week I decided to remove the laptop from it's counter space in the kitchen and keep it upstairs for the afternoon. Honestly, it was a little hard not to have the computer there when I wanted it, but it was also really nice. Out of sight, out of mind. I am going to try to do this more often.

Even if it only takes a few minutes, I think mommy's technology time is sending a message that distracted communication is normal...and I am NOT OK with that.

I know it won't be long before I am asking my girls to put down their phones, or stop playing on the computer, or to look at me when they talk to me. I need to start making some changes regarding technology use, or we are going to have a serious case of "do as I say, not as I do" on our hands.

I'm just writing about my own experience here, but maybe it is yours too.
What, if anything, do you do to limit your technology use while you are parenting?

Technology part 1: No more luddites

2011-07-22T12:26:00.000-07:00

My 4 year old has been at day camp this week and I have a new found love for iced green tea (caffeinated!). What do these two things have in common? They have given me a little extra time and energy this week. This surplus of time and energy has led to more thinking than usual. Dangerous, I know.

I have been thinking about kids these days and technology. Wow, that statement makes me sound old.

I remember the Christmas (of 1989, I think it was) when we got an Apple IIGS and my little sisters and I played Marble Madness, Clue, and Wheel of Fortune with much enthusiasm. And then there was The Oregon Trail during computer time in 5th grade. As far as research for school papers and projects...I remember my mom buying encyclopedias from a door-to-door salesman. And I was old enough to remember that he was good looking (which is probably why she bought said reference books). I remember sending my first email during my senior year in high school. I remember my husband and me buying our first cell phone (just one between the two of us, mind you) during our first year of marriage...in 2002. I've still never tweeted (is that a verb?), and I'm not sure I know what it is exactly yet.

Contrast that to my children's experience. They were born into a world quite comfortable with...the Internet, cell phones, laptops, texts, twitter, iTunes ETC. ETC. ETC.! Abby's sweet face was posted to Facebook before she left the hospital. My children regularly Skype with their grandparents. We can find Samantha answers to most questions using the Internet, and can often locate a video example regarding her inquiries (what does it look like when baby chicks hatch?...let's go find it on Youtube). My children probably won't know what a printed encyclopedia is...unless they see one in a museum.

Have you ever heard the term luddite?

I first heard this term in my Computer-mediated Communication class in graduate school, and I think I may have a little luddite in me. Here is how Urban Dictionary defines it:

1. luddite: One who fears technology (or new technology, as they seem pleased with how things currently are...why can't everything be the same?)

I don't know if kids these days have the option of being luddites or technophobes. Technology is so much a part of their experience on this planet I feel like they wouldn't know to fear it or be against it. I think the term luddite may be reserved for those of us who took residence on this planet before the Internet.

To say that it is a different world, technologically speaking, than when I grew up would be a gross understatement. New technology holds many really REALLY positive things for our kids. Connectivity, information accessibility, new avenues for self expression, global village...just to name a few. There are, of course, plenty of negative and scary issues associated with technology where children are concerned. Just ask Dateline NBC. I feel like part of my job as a parent is to encourage AND protect my children regarding technology. And I'm sure I will learn A LOT about technology from my kiddos along the way too...as long as I'm not a luddite.

Next week, with the help of another morning activity for my 4 year old and more green tea for me, I will post about something specifically related to technology and my kid that has been bugging me lately.