Our best idea

Two kids rocked our world.

We were really cocky going into it.  Our kids were a comfortable 3 years apart, we had a great experience adjusting to one kiddo, and this baby was, after all, a major answer to a lot of prayers.  Adding another child would just be more of the same, right?  Wrong.

Now I should say that about the only thing we can blame baby Abby for in this earth-shattering transition was the fact that she was born.  She has always been a super easy baby, but babies, by nature, are very high-maintenance.  And the sleep thing.  Oh my. As a first-time mom, being sleep-deprived felt like a badge of honor.  The second time, child #1 takes that badge off your chest and stomps on it while having a tantrum...a tantrum that is probably more about the fact that mom is, well, different, than the fact that she can't wear her favorite shirt for the 4th day this week. The first time around I took naps, lots of naps.  The second time around, the "you sleep when they sleep" advice would probably land you on the local news:  Three year old found wandering around neighborhood picking flowers while mother napped.

What no one told us is that two children can be really hard on your marriage.  We did one child together and Samantha was a nice addition to our lives.  With two kids it was, as they say, divide and conquer.  Well, divide and conquer works just fine except for the divide part eventually takes a toll on mom and dad. It is such a cliche, but it was honestly a big deal when we could make eye-contact. Not only were we not together much, but when we were, neither of us (ok mostly me) had much left to give.

When Abby was about 9 weeks old we hit rock bottom (well, that's a little dramatic).  I had been minorly, but irritatingly sick on and off for the better part of Abby's short life and then I came down with some awful flu-bug.  For four days I became so sick and feverish I couldn't get out of bed, I couldn't eat anything, and I definitely couldn't take care of my children.  Oh, and Chris was out of town.  There is no fast-track in relational bonding like desperately calling your new friends and neighbors to take care of your children for you.  So, like I was saying, rock bottom.

When this storm passed Chris and I had a much needed heart-to-heart.  He said he missed me.  Wow. Ya know, come to think of it, I missed me too.  A lot.  We came up with a plan that day on our bed that goes down in our marital history as our best idea ever:  2 mornings "off" per week, per person.

While perhaps counter-intuitive we realized that in order to come together we needed to go apart.  In order to have anything left for each other, and in order to be better parents to these two darling girls, we needed to fill our own cups.

Chris doesn't usually have to leave for work until around 9:00am so we decided that each week we would give each other two mornings off, meaning you can do whatever you want, but be back at 8:30am showered and reporting for duty.  For Chris, this has meant:  surfing, breakfast with friends, studying for his upcoming exam.  For me:  running at the coast, walking with my i-pod, Starbucks and a journal...SOLITUDE.  It is not fun to wake up at 5:30 or 6:00am - I am NOT a morning person - yet, I cannot overstate what a difference this has made for us as individuals, as a couple, and as parents.  We have been doing this for 10 months and have no plans to stop.

Whether you are married or single, kids or no kids, what do you need to do to keep your cup full, or at least to not let it get totally empty?

Think about it.  Make a plan.  Do it.