I was raised in a household of all girls, and since we didn't have brothers to watch and compare ourselves to, there wasn't much questioning regarding what girls can do and what boys can do. My parents raised us to believe (and I still do) that we could do anything we wanted in life.
To tell you the truth, I never thought about feminism much...until I became a mother of a girl. Then, suddenly, I saw all of the inequality and injustice toward women in the world and my heart raced and ached toward making sure my girls knew they could be anything, and do anything, they wanted in life. My heart is bent on my girls having a strong and healthy self-concept and self-confidence.
I came across a feminist scholar named bell hooks (she purposely doesn't capitalize her name...how, er, feminist of her???) in grad school and I like what she has to say about feminism. You have to read this slowly to absorb it...
“Visionary feminism is a wise and loving politics. It is rooted in the love of male and female being, refusing to privilege one over the other. The soul of feminist politics is the commitment to ending patriarchal domination of women and men, girls and boys. Love cannot exist in any relationship that is based on domination and coercion. Males cannot love themselves in patriarchal culture if their very self-definition relies on submission to patriarchal rules. When men embrace feminist thinking and practice, which emphasizes the value of mutual growth and self-actualization in all relationships, their emotional well-being will be enhanced. A genuine feminist politics always brings us from bondage to freedom, from lovelessness to loving.” - bell hooks
Amen sister!
I've been reflecting on what feminism looks like for me as a mother of girls on a day-to-day basis, and here are just a few things I have come up with, a few choices I make in order to live out and reinforce certain messages for my kids:
- Books. I like reading books with my kids that highlight moms and dads sharing responsibilities equally. I also look for books that highlight women doing jobs and tasks that the world often assigns to men (carpenter, doctor, dentist, law enforcement, etc.)
- We don't do Barbies. I don't judge you if you do (I was raised playing with them), we just don't.
- I watch my language, especially about appearance and beauty. I did a post about this issue, here.
- I talk to my kids about the fact that staying home to care for them is MY JOB. A blog post I did on that topic (which I will make them read some day), is here. And I always share how blessed I feel that it is my job. Why is this important and "feminist"? Number one, I would never want my girls to grow up and think that being a stay-at-home-mom isn't work. Number two, and most importantly, being an empowered woman doesn't necessarily mean you are a working-outside-of-the-house-for-a-paycheck-mom... and being a stay-at-home-mom doesn't mean you are a disempowered servant. Feminists an be stay-at-home-moms too!
- We go to a church where one of the pastors on staff is a woman. She is a great speaker/leader/teacher. I want my girls to see women up front at church preaching, praying, serving communion, and leading in a variety of roles. Samantha once asked me why all the Bible stories are about boys. Whoa-nelly. The thing is, there are PLENTY of amazing women in the Bible, but she is right, the most often highlighted stories in the Bible are about men. I absolutely positively need to do all I can to reinforce that God loves men and women equally...and He gifts and uses men and women in sometimes different, but equally important, ways. We are all created in His image.
- Dad's role and responsibilities. This is my big one. From the very beginning of parenthood I made a conscious decision not to "own" certain aspects of parenting. I made sure to empower my husband to do all the tasks that I did, and I did my best not to criticize when he did things (as he always does) very differently than me. Parenting is not mother's work. Like bell hooks said, I refuse to privilege the role of mother over father. I don't want my girls thinking that dad's don't do things like change diapers, pick out clothes, make meals, give bottles, or do laundry...oh wait, he doesn't do laundry...ever...oops, better work on that one :) Oh yeah, and dad's don't "babysit" either. It isn't babysitting when it is your own kids. To be honest, I constantly have to work on this general issue. It is much easier to just do things myself. However, if I don't share responsibilities with my husband then I send the message to my kids, my husband, and myself that certain things are all a mom's job...and I don't like that message...or the workload it carries.
I could go on and on, but I've said enough for now. As a woman and a mom I agree with bell hooks' concept of visionary feminism which refuses to privilege male over female, or female over male. OF COURSE men and women do things very differently, and we are most definitely not "the same." But in our differences we need to empower each other, get rid of domination, and encourage mutual growth and self-actualization. And I think all of that starts in the home.
I want my girls to grow up the same way I did...thinking they can do ANYTHING. That's my point. And the responsibility of imparting that message is shared by me AND my husband.
- I talk to my kids about the fact that staying home to care for them is MY JOB. A blog post I did on that topic (which I will make them read some day), is here. And I always share how blessed I feel that it is my job. Why is this important and "feminist"? Number one, I would never want my girls to grow up and think that being a stay-at-home-mom isn't work. Number two, and most importantly, being an empowered woman doesn't necessarily mean you are a working-outside-of-the-house-for-a-paycheck-mom... and being a stay-at-home-mom doesn't mean you are a disempowered servant. Feminists an be stay-at-home-moms too!
- We go to a church where one of the pastors on staff is a woman. She is a great speaker/leader/teacher. I want my girls to see women up front at church preaching, praying, serving communion, and leading in a variety of roles. Samantha once asked me why all the Bible stories are about boys. Whoa-nelly. The thing is, there are PLENTY of amazing women in the Bible, but she is right, the most often highlighted stories in the Bible are about men. I absolutely positively need to do all I can to reinforce that God loves men and women equally...and He gifts and uses men and women in sometimes different, but equally important, ways. We are all created in His image.
- Dad's role and responsibilities. This is my big one. From the very beginning of parenthood I made a conscious decision not to "own" certain aspects of parenting. I made sure to empower my husband to do all the tasks that I did, and I did my best not to criticize when he did things (as he always does) very differently than me. Parenting is not mother's work. Like bell hooks said, I refuse to privilege the role of mother over father. I don't want my girls thinking that dad's don't do things like change diapers, pick out clothes, make meals, give bottles, or do laundry...oh wait, he doesn't do laundry...ever...oops, better work on that one :) Oh yeah, and dad's don't "babysit" either. It isn't babysitting when it is your own kids. To be honest, I constantly have to work on this general issue. It is much easier to just do things myself. However, if I don't share responsibilities with my husband then I send the message to my kids, my husband, and myself that certain things are all a mom's job...and I don't like that message...or the workload it carries.
I could go on and on, but I've said enough for now. As a woman and a mom I agree with bell hooks' concept of visionary feminism which refuses to privilege male over female, or female over male. OF COURSE men and women do things very differently, and we are most definitely not "the same." But in our differences we need to empower each other, get rid of domination, and encourage mutual growth and self-actualization. And I think all of that starts in the home.
I want my girls to grow up the same way I did...thinking they can do ANYTHING. That's my point. And the responsibility of imparting that message is shared by me AND my husband.
