We recently found out we are having a GIRL
Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Being the oldest of 3 girls myself, the fact that we will have 3 girls leaves me both thrilled and terrified. Why terrified you might ask. Well I'll tell you...because I remember the teenage years...very clearly. But I also remember the fun and the bond of an all-girl household. And every day I get to live out the reality of having two best friends who are my sisters. In addition to all of that, having kids of all the same gender sounds simpler somehow. We have the clothes, the toys, and the fairy wings...we are in the girl mode and mindset, and we get to stick with the really good thing we have going on in this household already.
I am very excited to have 3 girls. But most of all I feel incredibly blessed to be having a 3rd child.
After the high of the ultrasound experience faded and I found myself with a few minutes alone at home I was hit with something really unexpected. Something that felt like loss. As excited as I was to be having another girl, I all of the sudden realized that this meant I wasn't ever going to be giving birth to a boy. No boy. And a felt a little sad about that. No tripping on cars and trucks, not a lot of blue or camouflage, no football, no mother/son outings, no seeing Chris with a son.
For 12 hours I had to work through this loss and let it go. I felt really guilty about my feelings, but honestly they weren't directed toward the precious baby inside, they were feelings related to "the void of a baby boy" that just became a reality. There were even tears. By the next morning I was A-O-K. And now I feel like I have let go. In the end I think it was actually an important thing to go through. I think losses in our life, even losses that are because of a gain, are important to acknowledge so that we can let them go.
Monday all four of us got to spend 20 minutes or so with our girl. I did something I swore I'd never do (I'm getting famous for that). We went to a place that does elective "just for fun" ultrasounds. My OB office only does the one ultrasound at 20 weeks and for some reason we came away from that appointment with 2 pictures, neither of which were any good. I didn't get any pictures from my first appointment at 9 weeks (because that appointment was a total fiasco where I was falsely told I had had a miscarriage!). Since this is going to be my last pregnancy I am feeling even more sentimental about it and I really wanted some good documentation of this child. I told Chris this was my Mother's Day wish (a little early) and the appointment did not disappoint. Happy Mother's Day to me!
I can't wait to meet this child. Actually, strike that, I can totally wait...because we aren't even remotely ready for her, and I absolutely need Abby to be 4 months older and Sam to be in Kindergarten before the bambino arrives. 15-18 more weeks should be just right, and I can't wait to meet her then.
Love you baby girl.
