Allow a crazy pregnant woman this little rant

Disclaimer #1  I'm writing this because I think it will make me feel better.

Disclaimer #2  I absolutely know that pregnancy is a beautiful gift and I feel blessed to be able to make and carry babies. Yet, this knowledge doesn't always make pregnancy easier. Sometimes I am able to keep a good perspective on pregnancy. But not today.

I am 30 weeks pregnant and I am starting to lose it already. I have 7 to 10 weeks to go (please God, please, make it 7 or 8) and I worry about how much worse it is going to get.

Take yesterday. By 7:30am I had already attempted to put clean plates from the dishwasher away in the microwave, and brewed a hot pot of coffee without adding the coffee grounds (not the first time I've done this in the past month). And all of this was after a shower so I should have been a bit more awake.

Last week I drove away with the home phone on the back bumper of the car. I thought it was gone, until I got mail later that day and discovered that some kind neighbor must have seen the phone in the street and probably figured it belonged to the crazy pregnant lady and put it in our mailbox. Thanks for that.

It took me over 6 weeks to return a few forgotten items to my sister after her visit and I STILL haven't done 'Thank You' cards for my girls birthday gifts...from their party in early April (how embarrassing!).

And these are just examples of crazy things I am AWARE of doing...or not doing, as the case may be. 

I wake up 3-6 times a night. I wake up tired in the morning. I've cried 3-6 times in the last few days. I feel terrible about how I look and the 25 extra pounds I am already carrying. My body aches by 6pm. I wear sweats or yoga pants almost every day. I regularly feel overwhelmed about how on earth I am going to do 3 kids ages 5 and under. I constantly battle guilt about my mothering. I feel. I feel. I feel. I drop balls. I use an old person's tool to pick up toys. And I never forget that at the end of these blessed 9 months (although it is really 10 months!) I still have to endure bringing this baby into the world and then look forward to a year of trying to lose weight and gain sleep.

Wah. Wah. Wah.

Yesterday my sensitive and intuitive little 5 year old said during breakfast, "Do you like being a Mom?" 

Ouch. I apparently wasn't giving off "this is the most fulfilling thing I have ever done" vibes after the microwave and coffee incidents. 

I immediately put down my freshly brewed cup o jo (made with grounds this time), looked her straight in the eye, and honestly and whole-heartedly said, "I love being your Mommy and Abby's Mommy more than anything in the world." To which she added, "And the new baby too." 

Yes. And the new baby too. The one responsible for my list of complaints above.

Despite the fact that I have lost my body and am losing my mind I do appreciate that I get to be pregnant and be part of the miracle of life. I worked in adoption for 3 years and I know full well that being pregnant is a gift and a blessing that should never be taken for granted. I love feeling this baby girl move all day long (and all night). And I do realize this is the last 10 weeks (or less!) of pregnancy ever...in my whole life. 

Oh yeah, and let's not forget that all of this is FOR A BABY. A little girl who I get to love and discover for the rest of my life. A precious tiny miracle who will call me Mom and be born into the loving arms of a father more amazing than I could ever have imagined, and two already-smitten older sisters. 

A baby. My baby. Knit together in my womb by the Creator's masterful hands. Wow.

There, see, I knew this little rant would probably end with me feeling better.