New Year's Resolutions Revisited

Back in January, while Sam and I were doing some coloring, I decided to make this New Year's Resolution list to put inside my pantry door so I would look at it every day.  It has been there ever since.

Jealous of my artistic abilities?

Funny how easy it is to NOT pay attention to things you see every day. This past week I paid attention to my list a little more, and as an act of personal accountability I would like to revisit this list and see how I am doing.

Date.  We had a goal of two dates per month for 2011 and I am happy to report we are 16 for 16.  If you'd told me when we were engaged that I would have to put "date" on a resolution list I would have told you that you were crazy. No, no, not us. We will never stop dating. Then, we had kids.

Run.  Haven't run all year.  Oh, maybe once or twice.  I must have put this on the list because I had just run a half-marathon in November and didn't want to lose all that hard work.  Well, it's lost.  Probably because I REALLY don't like running.  Next...

Africa. I don't know what my goal was here exactly.  Maybe just to bring Africa back into my life in a new way. Aside from sponsoring children, prayer, and financial giving, there haven't been any developments with this one. Although meeting Emmanuel was a Africa related highlight of the year. We'll get back there someday, I'm just sure of it. Patience.  If you have been paying attention to the news and want to do something to help those impacted by the famine in East Africa CLICK HERE, and give through World Vision. In my opinion, non-profit agencies don't get much better than World Vision.  

Write. This will be blog post #47, so I'd say I am writing. CHECK.

Water. I used to be a good water drinker when I lived in the mile high city...mostly because I would get wicked head aches if I didn't drink A LOT of agua.  Sea level living, and not being pregnant, has meant I drink a lot less. I'm generally convinced that drinking water will help or cure what ails you, but I'm not doing great with this one.  Where's that water bottle?

Sleep. I'm pretty sure if I consistently got 8 hours of sleep I would feel better and just BE better.  I guess I'll never know for sure...at least not this year.

Read.  I have soooo many books I want to read. Book club does keep me accountable to reading some, but I do still want to carve out more time at night for reading. If only it didn't put me straight to sleep. And if only The Bachelorette, American Idol, and Netflix didn't exist.

Peace. Not sure how I gauge how this one is going.  I would say I am more peaceful now than I was in December 2010, so that's good.  But think how much more peaceful I would be if I could get 8 hours of sleep a night.

On track = Date.Write. Read. Peace.

Abandoned, or needs more work = Run. Africa. Water. Sleep.
But I've got 4 more months left in 2011.

Lessons in letting go...from the dentist

My 4 year old had her first cavity filled yesterday.  If she inherited my teeth, which it seems she has, it is sure not to be her last.  In fact, her second one is happening next week. Ugh.

I got a lot of good advice on Facebook.  I prepped Sam for what the experience would be like.  I bribed her...like crazy.  I spoke of the Jamba Juice we would drink, and the new Strawberry Shortcake and Hello Kitty shows we would watch when we returned home successful and triumphant.

Things were looking good at first. She started the morning totally upbeat.  The appointment was strategically scheduled for 8am so Daddy could be there.  Sam marched in strongly, picked out her movie (Tangled, of course), and laid on the seat.  Then the really sweet assistant got the nose piece for the magic gas...AND SAM TOTALLY LOST IT. There was screaming, the flowing tears, sitting straight up and refusing to wear the nose piece, coaxing, more bribing, hygienists shutting the door so Sam wouldn't scare the other kids.  We are just at the gas part remember?  Things weren't looking good anymore.

Then Dr. D came in.  He assessed the situation.  And he asked to talk to me in the hallway.  It kind of felt like I was in trouble. He kindly and gently (yet very authoritatively) told me that it would probably be best if Mom, Dad, and baby sister exited the room and let them handle Sam on their own.  We were being kicked out, plain and simple.

Chris and Abby left, and then Dr. D basically told the little frantic patient (quite sternly) that if she didn't stop crying and fussing I would have to leave, but if she could lay nice and still then Mom could stay.  Ouch. So much for TLC.  But he was spot on.  Sam has always responded well to strength, and strength worked this time too. She calmed down, breathed in, watched her movie, and in 30 minutes or so the deed was done.  It wasn't pretty, but we survived.

In addition to a child with a filling, this rookie parent walked out of the dentist office having received a big lesson in letting go.  I tried to control the situation by over-explaining what would happen to Sam, but the assistant basically told me it is better to let the professionals do the talking so as not to make too big of a deal about the whole thing. Oops. Judging by the abject failure of my prep work, I think she was right. I needed to let go of trying to perfectly prepare, and thus try to control, the experience for my child.

I also realized that in order for capable professionals to do their job of helping my child I needed to shut up and simply hold a hand.  I got to stay in the room today, but I'm sure there will be future experiences with my children where it is actually better if I am not there.  Imagine that.  Letting go is a hard lesson to learn, but we are raising our children in order to release them into the world one day, not to hold them close forever, so it was an important lesson to learn too.  And apparently I need a lot more practice.

Jamba Juice and a crooked smile.

The Help...

I read The Help on advice of my book club (and the rest of America) earlier this year.  It is a remarkable book that you both don't want to put down, and don't want to end.

Tonight I went to see the film, The Help, with my book club.  It is a remarkable movie.  And I had a small Diet Coke (which was actually quite BIG for a small), which is why I am awake and writing this post at midnight.  Anyway...

Unlike most movies based on really great novels, this one does not disappoint.  I felt like the actors nailed it. I think Kathryn Stockett's story was so good that the film makers actually didn't mess with it too much. Thank you for that, Hollywood.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the storyline, on its most basic level, the book is about black house maids and the white women they work for.  Within that simple, yet complex, framework the story weaves together threads of friendship between women, courage, fear, and the power of the written word. It is set in Mississippi, in 1962.

The thing that kept throwing me off as I both read and watched The Help was the fact that it was set in 1962. As I read, and watched, I kept thinking that the story must have been set much earlier, because between the work and the wages and the way the house maids were treated, it all bordered on slavery...yet I'm pretty sure slavery was abolished about a hundred years before this story was set.  There was nothing equal about the "separate but equal" world depicted in The Help.  But then "separate but equal" was always a bit of a misnomer, wasn't it?

So back to 1962. That was less than 50 years ago.  My parents had been on the planet for around a decade. 1962 was not that long ago.  It is hard to believe that the world depicted in The Help could possibly have been less than 50 years ago.  Like the part about white families building separate bathrooms for the women who practically raised their babies. Or the part where African-Americans are sitting in the back of buses, or taking separate buses, or using different entrances to movie theaters, or being treated as less, so...much...less.  I grew up in "the north," and I now live in "the west," so perhaps my geography influences my shock that the segregation on screen and in print could possibly have been less than a half-century ago.

Here is what else hit me while I watched the film tonight.  I was embarrassed and proud.

Embarrassed, obviously, that parts of our country were so segregated, so recently.  Embarrassed at the ignorance and arrogance and injustice.  Embarrassed that when my children read this book someday, or see this film, I will have to explain that this happened less than 20 years before I was born.

But I was also proud.

Proud because of who is in the White House.

Proud because in 3 days, on the 48th anniversary of his "I Have a Dream" speech, America is dedicating the Martin Luther King Jr. National Memorial in our nation's capital.  The monument is 30 feet high.  It is as immense as the inequality once was.

It is true that 1962 wasn't that long ago.
But it is also true that we have come a long way in 49 years.  I am proud because we have made great strides as a country.


Oh yeah, and it is ALSO true that caffeinated beverages after 7pm are not a good idea for me.  Sheesh.

Even split

This month was a big marker for our biggest kid.  As of this month Samantha has lived in Colorado and California an equal amount of time.  That marker won't happen for Chris and me until 2016.

When we moved to CA she looked like this.

Now she looks like this.

But she doesn't always wear that outfit.

My hope is that Samantha will always have a little Colorado in her.  A little love for mountains, a little love for snow, a little love for hiking, a little love for camping, a little love for skiing (not snowboarding). 

We tell her often how she was born in Denver and lived in Littleton for her first two years of life.  We show her pictures of the three of us hiking in Aspen and Rocky Mountain National Park.  We talk about our friends in Colorado. I hope that she will feel special that she was born in a wonderful place like Colorado, and I hope we will be able to bring her back there often enough to keep her connected to her birthplace.

I smile thinking about how we used to bring her to the National Western every January to see the cowboys for the rodeo, and now we bring her to the Hurley Pro at Trestles every September to see Kelly Slater in his wetsuit to watch world class surfers.  Snow used to be right out our front door, now it is a novelty that we only enjoy in Chicago at Christmas (if it is over 10 degrees), or on occasion in Big Bear. Sniff sniff.

A lot has changed in two years.  But "birthplace: Denver, CO" will never change for Sam.  I love that.

------------------------------------

One of the biggest changes over the last two years is that we added this little lady to the mix.  

Our homegrown California girl...our constant source of entertainment.

But she doesn't always wear that bike helmet.
Although it wouldn't be a bad idea.

A Tribute to GG

My Grandma Gwen passed away 11 days ago.  I spoke at her memorial service, but there was so much more I could have said.  So I will take this opportunity to do just that.

Gwendolyn Judge
Born September 14, 1931 in Liverpool, England
(the fifth of ten children)
Died August 8, 2011 in Princeton, West Virginia
Wife to 1.
Mother of 3.
Grandmother of 10.
Great-grandmother of 5.

Preceded in death by the love of her life, Grandpa Jim, her special grandson Nathan, and her great-grandson Benjamin

We grew up calling her Grandma Gwen, but when great-grandchildren came into the picture she shortened her own name to GG.  She never liked her first name (weird!) so I think this was her attempt to get rid of it.  Oh, Grandma.

For as long as I can remember I have taken great pride in my Grandma's history. Remember that opening scene in The Lion The Witch and the Wardrobe?  The part where the children of WWII are running for cover, hiding in bomb shelters, and being shipped off to the English countryside for protection.  That was her childhood.  Only instead of stepping through a wardrobe, 17 year old Gwendolyn got on a boat and headed for America.  All by herself.  The only one in her family to do so. GG was a strong, brave, and independent woman.

Grandma purposely lost her British accent when she started a new life in America, a decision my sisters and I have always regretted on her behalf. Wouldn't that have been so fun to have a Grandma with a British accent!?! Think Mrs. Teapot, Judy Dench, Helen Mirren etc.  Well, what she lacked in British speech patterns she made up for in British sense of humor.  What is British humor?  Think slapstick, people falling, anything a little inappropriate.  Think The Office...the original British series.  Some of my fondest memories with my Grandma were watching her laugh to tears watching movies like Robin Hood Men In Tights (Mel Brooks) or Young Frankenstein (Mel Brooks again).  I am happy to say that she passed on her slightly off-color sense of humor to her son (my father), my sisters, and me.

Some other facts about my Grandma:  she made AMAZING spaghetti; she was a really good golfer (although it doesn't seem she passed this gift on to any of her offspring); she was an incredibly beautiful and classy woman; she was entertainingly frugal; she was stubborn; she had a screaming yelp of a laugh which has been passed on to at least three of her grandchildren - me included; she had a MAJOR sweet tooth (I blame all my fillings on her); she was always sharp and very funny; she had a faith in Jesus that was private, but always there.

Although she never said this herself, I think one of her biggest sources of pride must have been what amazing parents her three children turned out to be.  Her two sons and one daughter are very different from each other, and went different directions after college, but one thing they all share is that they are remarkable parents. I am forever grateful that I get to be the daughter of GG's oldest son.  He is a phenomenal father. The devoted dads and mom that she raised give testimony to her mothering. 

Grandma was a complicated woman and had many little idiosyncrasies that I will not mention out of respect for her.  But isn't it funny that when people pass away it is those silly little things that are the most endearing.  I'm going to remind my husband of this fact.

Grandma was also married to a complicated man. A man she loved dearly and deeply.  It is her marriage that is one of her greatest legacies.  Grandma and Grandpa were married 52 years and it was a special kind of marriage.  Perhaps it was their own difficult pasts that made them cling so tightly to each other. As my Uncle Lucky so eloquently said at Grandma's memorial service, they were satisfied with just each other. Together they were enough. None of us could imagine Grandma carrying on without Grandpa, but as I mentioned, she is a strong woman, and she did carry on for almost 9 years.  Yet, even after he passed, she would continue to talk about my Grandpa like she was still a young woman in love.  Even when he was gone they were still a couple.

Grandma always loved well.  She loved her husband well.  She loved her children well.  And her grandchildren and great-grandchildren were no exception. Three of the last four years Grandma traveled on her own all the way from West Virginia for a little reunion in Illinois.  My sisters and I always made sure we would be there to simply BE with Grandma Gwen.  It was a delight to watch her love her great-grandchildren. Even though chronic health issues prevented her from keeping up with toddlers, she would always volunteer to hold, watch, or stay back with the babies.  She was amazing with our babies.

Perhaps the biggest impact Grandma Gwen had on me was her consistent communication of acceptance and encouragement. I always felt safe and secure with GG. I honestly have no memory of her being critical or judgemental.  Everyone should be so lucky to have a grandma that simply thinks you are wonderful. There is enough negativity and criticism in the world, and she did a great job of building up, not tearing down.  When I was going through a particularly challenging period with 2 year old Samantha and she could see I was exhausted and frustrated she would tell me I was doing a great job and that Samantha was a great kid.  And you know what...that was exactly what I needed.  What a privilege for me as a young vulnerable mother to receive her perspective and encouragement.

when I was catching up on email.  We used to email each other.  It felt really really strange that she wasn't there to write to anymore.  Her responses were always short and sweet, as were her phone calls, but it was so comforting to know she was there. And now she isn't.

Grandma's last words to me when we left her house in June were, "You keep bloggin' me, Em."  Cutest thing ever! She probably wouldn't have been thrilled to be included in my blog, as she detested the spotlight, but GG was a woman worth sharing about...and I'm glad I did.

Love you Grandma.

Georgia On My Mind (Part 2)

Lake Burton, GA Family Vacation 2011
Top Ten Continued...
#6 through #10

#6 THE FAMILY CUP.

 We made team flags.

We had team colors.

We did team cheers.

 We competed in 10 events.

AND WE WON.
Cue We Are the Champions...

I cannot gloat too much because many events were determined by chance or dumb luck.
But we did rock it at Cornhole.

The cup was too heavy to come back in our suitcase, so it will be mailed to us soon by my mom.

Come on over and see it sometime...it will be on our mantel.

#7 THE COUSINS.  Watching our kids love each other, play together, annoy each other, and laugh together fills my heart to the brim.  What a gift these kids have in each other.  Five kids in five years.  How many will there be for family vacation 2016??? It's a little scary to think about.

Quinten (5), Samantha (4), Albin (3), Abby (16 months), Jackson (12 months)

We even got to celebrate Jackson's first birthday together.  So special!

        

Birthday party theme was "everything on a stick"

...corn dogs, fruit kabobs, salad on a stick, and yummy cake pops.  

Nicely done Jenny.

#8  THE KIDS FIRST "PAJAMA RIDE".  We grew up doing pajama rides.  Basically, my parents would wake us up (probably around 9pm) and say PAJAMA RIDE!, and then we would go in our pjs to get ice cream, or do something else fun and exciting (anything and everything is fun and exciting when you are out at night in your pjs).  Well, my dad thought the three big kids were old enough, so they had their first pajama ride.  It consisted of a water balloon fight, sparklers, and a night swim under a mostly full moon.     It was kind of magical...for all of us.

Papa explaining what is going on...

Nice shot Sam.

#9 THE WEATHER.  Since we were in Georgia, in August, it is worth mentioning that the weather was perfect.  Not too hot.  Not too humid.  Not too buggy. Great water temperature.  We even got a fabulous thunder storm one afternoon which was really exciting for those of us who live in California.  I miss thunderstorms!

Storm blowing across the lake.

#10 THE PHONE CALL. While not a highlight, it was a big part of our time together.

This was the part of the vacation we were not anticipating.  On Monday I remember looking up from my tube in the lake and seeing my dad waving to those of us in the water saying he had to go to West Virginia (5 hour drive) right now because he had just received a call that things were changing (in a bad way) with his mom, who had recently been hospitalized.  My dad is a physician and knew he needed to get there fast. We all helped him pack up as quickly as possible, and Lars (a pastor) decided to go with my dad to lend support. A couple hours later my dad called from the road to say that our sweet Grandma Gwen had passed away.

We had all just been with Grandma Gwen in June for my cousins wedding.  She cooked her famous spaghetti for 20 people that weekend.  She had 9 people sleep at her house.  She played with her 5 great-grandchildren.  And now, only two months later, she was gone.

There was something special about the fact that we received this news and experienced her death all together.  And it was amazing to see my dad in role of loving son.  He went to West Virginia, and together with his sister, made all the decisions that needed to be made, and then he returned to GA to be with his family.  I think we all enjoyed the time with dad, and each other, in a different way after he returned.  Perhaps a more appreciative way.  Thankful for every minute we all have together.

There was something almost divine about the fact that we were all on the east coast and could travel together to West Virginia at the end of the week to say good-bye to our Grandma. My sisters, my mom, and I all participated in the service, we visited my Grandma's home one last time, and we had dinner with my cousins and aunt and uncles.  We laughed and cried about our Grandma.  She was a really special woman and I will write a bit about her later.

It was a big week.  A bigger week than we had anticipated. A week full of joy and sorrow.  A week full of laughter and tears. A week where we celebrated a first birthday, and a life well lived.

Even in our loss it was a beautiful week...of family doing what family does.

Georgia On My Mind (Part 1)

We recently returned from our family vacation at Lake Burton, in Georgia.
What a trip!  It was amazing, simply amazing.  

In keeping with other trips and events that I am unable to sum up in words, 

I will share, once again, my TOP 10...this time relying mostly on pictures (a lot of them!) to tell the story.

Here is # 1 through #5 for FAMILY VACATION 2011

#1 - THE HOUSE.  It was unbelievable.  The perfect space for all of us to relax and rest and play.  If you haven't heard of Vacation Rentals By Owner you should definitely check it out!

Thank you to Dad & Mom/Papa & MorMor/Grandpa & Grandma/Jim & Cindy..whatever your names are,

who had the vision and generosity to rent the house...

 ...for these 13 grateful people.

#2 - THE FAMILY TIME.  That is what this trip was all about, and we enjoyed every minute of it.

Craft time with Grandma.

Meal times on the deck.

Morning yoga.  Even Abby got in on the action.

The kids at their favorite meal spot.

Grandpa and Abby.

#3 THE WATER.  I married into a family of ocean lovers, but I was born into a family of lake lovers.  I grew up vacationing at lakes in Wisconsin, so this lake house vacation just felt natural (although it was a definite upgrade from where we used to stay growing up). Most of our days were spent in the water.

Lots of our water time was relaxing.

Where you headed Jackson?

But plenty of the water time was exciting too.

The amazing diving sisters.

#4 THE BOATS.  The house came with a pontoon that we used every day.  We also rented a speed boat for one day.  Boats are really fun.

#5 THE ADRENALINE.  Well, my little family's need for adrenaline was certainly met last week.  And that is saying a lot for my husband.  Chris got injured and was sore...which means he had a lot of fun.

Abby loved every second on the tube.

Jumping from the top deck of the boat house wasn't enough for Chris.  

No, no. 

He had to run, dive over the railing, and do a front flip on his way down.
He's nuts.

Sam and Quinten holding on for dear life.

It had been 10 years since I water skied.  10 YEARS.

I was VERY rusty, but I loved every second.

No one had seen someone on a wake board purposely hang out on the lip of the wake before.

Hey, he surfs, that is where he is comfortable.

Next post will be #6-10.  Results of The Family Cup will be included.  Can you stand the suspense?  

The Family Cup

For the past 7 summers my side of the family has joined together for a family vacation.  

It is one of my favorite weeks of the year. 

We are also together every other Christmas, but our summer vacations are special and different.  

Mostly because there is no snow.

Here is where we have been so far...

Door County, WI

2005:  Door County, WI (8 adults)
2006:  Chicagoland (8 adults, 1 child)
2007:  San Diego (8 adults, 2 children)
2008:  Door County, WI (8 adults, 3 children)
2009:  San Diego (8 adults, 3 children)
2010:  Chicagoland (8 adults, 4 children)

And here is where we are headed later this month...
2011:  A lake in GEORGIA (8 adults, 5 children...ages 5 and under)

Why Georgia you may ask?  I actually have no idea. It was my parents plan and they are renting the big beautiful lake house with the pontoon
boat, so we'll be there...with bells on.

And this year, we have a new element to family vacation...The Family Cup.  

The following invite arrived in the mail last week (my sister Jenny probably put this together in an hour):

 "The Family Cup will be an annual event in which families compete for the rights 

to the Family Cup, to remain in their residence for the year."

Events include:  

Board/Card Games...Dutch Blitz, Ticket to Ride, Wits and Wagers

Family Game...Three Legged Race, Dominoes, Physical Endurance Test

Daddy Challenge...Water Sport (my husband is SO gonna take that one!), Best Meal, Best Card Trick

Mommy Challenge...Ladder Ball, Corn Hole, Diaper Bag Race

Kid Challenge...Bible Verse Memorization, Dance Performance, Sticker Picking

The Teams...

It's a little nerdy, it promotes competition between toddlers,
and something about it keeps making me think of Saved By The Bell.

It's going to be AWESOME.

I will make sure to let you know how the competition turned out when vacation is done and we return
...WITH THE CUP!