The Glad Game

I have two sisters and they are my best friends.

The problem is that we live in three different states...CA, IL, and TN.

While not living near my sisters is a constant ache of my heart I have learned to see the positives in living far away from each other.  Pollyanna would call it "the glad game" - finding something to be glad about in every situation.

For example, I am glad that when I see my sisters I get to see them for days at a time.  I get to host them in my home, and be hosted in theirs.  I get to be with them, their amazing husbands, and their fabulous children 24/7.  It wouldn't be like that if we all lived in the same area.  See...the glad game.

Katie, Lars, Quinten (5), and Albin (3) came to visit this past week (from Chicago).

Katie is 23 months younger than me and despite the fact that we spent our high school years yelling at each other, and are different in many ways, we love and enjoy each other deeply - like to the point that it probably annoys our husbands.  I can't get enough of Katie and her amazing little family, so 5 days with them was INCREDIBLE!

We did a lot of fun things together...two mornings at two different beaches (YAY! for no May Grey); swimming in our neighborhood pool; eating at In-N-Out and El Indio; frolicking at our favorite park in Del Mar; playing and picnicking in the backyard; having family movie night and watching Tangled; and the big event of the trip...Legoland (thank you friends!).

But my favorite times during their visit were the little moments...hearing about how the kids had "trained" Bailey the dog; putting on music for a cousins dance session; sitting in the hot tub at night with Katie and Lars and watching the light in Sam's room go on and off while the big kids enjoyed their first sleepover together; seeing Abby develop a sweet connection with her Uncle Lars; having 7 of us take afternoon naps all at the same time; laughing to tears with my sister in the dressing rooms at Target and Ann Taylor (only a sister can tell you something looks terrible on you and it isn't the least bit offensive).

When I have my family  in my home the whole world fades away and we just enjoy the simple gift of being together. I love seeing their stuff all over my house.  I love seeing my sister put dishes away in my cupboards. I love seeing everyone stumble out of their rooms in pjs in the morning.  I love tossing my brother-in-law the car keys so he can run to Target or pick up Thai food.  I love the little things.

While I am very aware of all the things my sisters and I miss out on not living near each other, I will continue to play the glad game.

I am so glad
...I have not one, but two, sisters I love so much.
...I get to miss my sisters (absence really does make
   the heart grow fonder).
...I do not take my sisters for granted.
...my sister Jenny and her sweet family are coming to visit in July.
...my daughters have each other...and I pray that they will be best friends someday too.

If you are a parent...encourage your kids to be friends from DAY ONE.

If you are a sibling...you don't have to be best friends, but work on a friendship.

More of my favorite moments...

My sister hugs and kisses my kids like she does her own (as I do with her boys).

Sam and Quin got haircuts together.

It was so special to have our family hang out with our friends.

Do you think she liked her first "big" roller coaster?

Silver and Gold

Did anyone else out there learn this song at some point in childhood?

Make new friends, but keep the old.

One is silver, and the other's gold.

This was a silver and gold kind of weekend.

  

This weekend was a weekend full of friendships.

New friendships.

Old friendships.

New friendships that already feel like old friendships.

Friday afternoon we met and swam with friends at our neighborhood pool, and then spontaneously decided to have a pizza dinner together at their house. We put Abby to bed in their pack n play, sat around in sweats with post-pool hair, and had good conversation while the older kids played together.  We ended up hanging out until 9:30pm.  This is a comfortable and easy friendship.  These friends hold my baby, host with graciousness and generosity, and live close enough to qualify as neighbors too.

Proximity and spontaneity are great things for a friendship.

Abby trying to avoid being put to bed Friday night.

Then on Saturday morning we ventured 45 minutes north with two families to visit a petting zoo we had heard a lot about. This place definitely received WAY more hype than it deserves, but the kids had a great time. And more importantly we made memories with friends. Building new friendships takes time, and an important part of that time is making memories.

"Remember that time we drove 45 minutes with 6 kids under the age of 6 (and gas was $4.29 a gallon), to visit a teeny tiny petting zoo with a bazillion other people from Orange County...and then had a nice picnic while the kids played their hearts out at a park...that was a fun day." 

Memories.

New adventures and making memories are so important for friendships.

On Sunday afternoon some of our closest friends from our 7 years in Colorado pulled into Disneyland on their family-vacation-road trip.  We drove up to meet them at their hotel and spent the afternoon swimming, walking around Downtown Disney, eating dinner, and simply enjoying being together again.

These are friends who really know us...and we really know them.  We lived alongside this couple for a long and important period in our life.  We knew each other pre-kids, and now the kids are about to out-number the adults (when their third baby comes in August). These are friends who showed up at our door with food, tears, and hugs on our darkest day.  These are friends who invited our perspective and prayer while they struggled with a recent major life decision.  We miss these friends a whole lot, and it was really great to see them.

History and loyalty make friendships deep and rich.

I'm heading to bed on this Sunday night filled up by friendships, 

and incredibly thankful for all the amazing people in our life.

We are so blessed.

Acknowledgement

I've been thinking about eye contact lately.

I've been thinking about how eye contact is good.

I'm not just talking about eye contact with your children, your spouse, your parents, or your friends.  Although it is good to look those people in the eye too. I'm talking about eye contact with the "random" people you interact with throughout the day.  The cashiers at the grocery store or the coffee shop, the bank tellers, the staff at various offices, the people at the gym, the strangers on the sidewalk, those poor souls who work the customer service counters.

It is so easy to go through our day exchanging money, making purchases, placing orders, answering questions, checking-in, checking-out, and never actually acknowledging the people with whom we interact.  I get it, and I am guilty...we are tired and stressed, we have a lot on our mind, or a lot of children in our cart.  Acknowledgement takes effort.

In grad school I read a book on this topic called the The Life-Giving Gift of Acknowledgement by Michael Hyde.  The author's main idea is this:

          - Unacknowledged people can find themselves feeling isolated, marginalized, ignored, and
            forgotten.  Those feelings can lead to bad things.
          - The act of acknowledging is a communicative behavior that grants attention to others and
             makes room for them in our lives.
          - When people go out of their way to acknowledge the worthiness of another's existence,
            others feel wanted and needed and hopeful.
          - Offering positive acknowledgement is a moral thing to do.

Looking people in the eye is an easy way to acknowledge their presence on this planet.

Babies are really good at giving the gift of acknowledgement.  My baby in particular.  Abby has a smile, a wave, or a coy/flirty head turn for just about anyone we pass.  It seems so natural for her. If there is someone in her path, she acknowledges them.  When does that stop being natural?

My children's acknowledgement of the people we encounter throughout the day invites me into the connection also.  I am getting comfortable using my kids as the marvelous conversational ice-breakers that they are. And here is the thing, when I acknowledge someone else's presence by...looking them in the eye, or sincerely asking how their day is going, or saying an authentic "thank you" for their service...it makes me feel good.  I receive acknowledgement in return and the interaction is life-giving for me too.

Give someone the life-giving gift of acknowledgement today.
              And then do it again tomorrow...and the day after.  It may just become a habit.

1K

Sam ran her first "race" on Saturday.

I noticed on posters around town that a local 5K run also had a 1K family run/walk.  I asked Sam if she wanted to do her first race and, of course, she said YES.  I decided to only register Sam so that it really felt like her event (and it saved us $30).

We did the packet pick-up on Friday night.  Saturday morning she wore her race t-shirt, her number, and had her timing chip on her shoe.

We walked twice the distance of the race getting from the car to the starting line.  We watched and cheered for the 5K runners as they crossed the finish line.

Then, at 9:00am, the gun went off for her run.

- Sam wanted to begin her event as if we were in starting blocks...so of course we did.
- About 50 feet into the run she decided she needed a water break (for dramatic purposes I am sure).
- We zig-zagged and tried to keep up with our little racer.
- Chris managed to push Abby and take pictures (what a guy!).
- We turned the corner and saw the finish line.
- She finished the race, got her medal, claimed her orange, and received congratulations.
- We had done what we came to do and were ready to head home.

We checked our watches...it was 9:08am.
A lot can happen in 8 minutes.

For the rest of the day Sam kept saying, "I'm a 1K." Yes you are baby...you're my little 1K!

Official time...5:35. 

Blessings

I listen to Christian radio in the car a lot.

If you are already rolling your eyes and thinking that this post is not for you, stick with me, read on and give it a chance.

When we first moved here I couldn't find a Christian radio station and I was kind of bummed out about that.  Then one day while nursing newborn Abby in the parking lot at Babies R Us and letting Sam have free reign over the exciting car buttons and knobs, Sam stumbled upon a Christian station. I thought it was a bonafide miracle.  Turns out my husband had recently reattached our antenna, which, unbeknownst to me, had been removed for the previous 9 months to accommodate surfboards. Sam still takes full credit for finding the station and would love to tell you the story.

Now I will admit that Christian radio can be, well, REALLY CHEESY. No disrespect, but I often turn down the volume when the DJs talk, or change the station completely when they play "Shine" or other such "hits" of the 1990s.

At home we usually listen to Pandora (Adele, Jack Johnson, Coldplay, Joshua Bell, Disney Radio etc.) and music functions more as a background feature supporting play, dance, or meals.  In the car we pay more attention to music because, well, we are all strapped into our seats in a small moving box.

I listen to Christian music in the car because hearing hymns and worship music while cruising around town with a cacophony of annoying joyous sounds coming from the back seat can be really soothing and centering for this momma.  I also love that Christian music allows my girls to hear songs about God, and I can actually explain the content of a song if asked.  Christian radio really is "positive and encouraging."  Did I just do a commercial for K-Love???

The other day as I was pulling into the parking lot for MOPS I heard a song called "Blessings" by Laura Story.  Then, four hours later, when I got back in the car to head home, the same song.  I was told about this song last month by people I love deeply.  This wasn't just any song recommendation.  The loved ones who shared that this song touched them have recently suffered the greatest loss that this world has to offer.  In their pain they were touched by these lyrics...

What if Your blessings come through raindrops.

What if Your healing comes through tears.

What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near.

What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life is the revealing of a greater thirst than this world can satisfy.

What if the trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise.

Wow.  

Wow to the lyrics, and wow to the fact that those in the grip of unimaginable grief could be touched by these words. 

I have been touched by this song too.  Both because it makes me think of the faith of those who recommended it, and because I agree with Laura Story.  My greatest disappointments, and the aching of my heart, have led to blessings, healing, and renewed vision.

I like that the songwriter said, what if.  She is being real.  She doesn't know, and doesn't claim to. She is simply saying what if...  I encourage you to listen to the song and consider these what ifs for yourself.

A hike

Happy Mother's Day to me!

I love to hike.

During our seven years in Colorado we used to hike a lot.  There were many days where we would spontaneously decide to drive up to Rocky Mountain National Park for a walk in the woods. Being in the mountains fills me up.  I feel alive and close to God.

I'm embarrassed to say that after nearly two years in California we had not yet been on a family hike in our local hills.  My Mother's Day wish was to hike, and we did...well, kind of.

Hiking with preschoolers is much different than hiking with babies.  When Sam was a young'un she was always attached to us by front carrier or hiking backpack and would therefore go where we went, and at the speed we set.  At 4 years old, we decided Sam could walk on her own and Abby got the exciting bird's-eye view from the Kelty backpack.

I'm not exactly sure why I thought that Sam would just fall in line and march march march up the mountain next to us, but needless to say, that is not what happened.

It was only 1.4 miles to the top, but after .4 miles (POINT 4), 6 stops to look at the ants, and Sam's 20th fall/slip/tumble we decided we needed to turn around if we wanted to make it down by dark.

Normally my little goal-oriented self would feel disappointed turning around so prematurely on a hike. But it is hard to feel disappointed when you...
-  watch a four year old sing and slip her way down a trail with an enormous silly grin on her face
-  or feel the one year old on your back waving her arms with pure joy
-  or watch your dog leap into a creek
-  or hold the hand of the man you love and have been hiking with for 10 years.

No, there is nothing disappointing about that.

It wasn't Rocky Mountain National Park, and it wasn't even a mile, but it was a hike, and I loved every minute of it.

An Ode to Mothers on Mother's Day

Mothers are amazing.


A mother's shoulders bare the weight of the world for her children and the weight of her children for a time.


Mothers' feet run to protect her child and stand firm in discipline.


A mother's head spins with weighty decisions and rests peacefully once
babies are to bed.


Mothers' arms embrace her husband first so that her children feel safe and secure in their parents' grasp.


A mother's heart longs for her child's heart to never be broken.

Mothers' knees get tough due to fervent prayer and feisty play.

A Mother's eyes experience unparalleled joy seeing the world through the eyes of her children.

Mothers' hands live in tension deciding

whether to hold tight or let go.

Mothers are amazing.

Special thanks to our wonderful and talented friend Mark Kuroda 

for the family pictures he took during our visit earlier this year.

SAHM...that's me!

I have a really hard time articulating what I do.

In general, I do not have trouble saying what I want to say about things.  But when I am asked "what do you do?," especially by people I have just met, I freeze.  I over think and under-deliver.

I get paralyzed by the realization that I have just a few words or sentences to summarize my life, my passion, and my world.  I wish I had a good response, but I realize that no matter how perfectly or poorly I answer the "what do you do?" question, it is likely that I will be automatically relegated to a box...

The SAHM (stay-at-home-mom) box.
I hate that box.

That box is full of cooking, cleaning, laundry, runny noses, diapers, discipline, earning no money and spending lots.  Although I do those things, that is not what I do.  The SAHM box conjures images of a spotless home, an apron-clad female, well-dressed and well-behaved children.  Donna Reed I am not.  If it isn't the 1950s SAHM box, then maybe it is the 2011 frazzled-overcommitted-desperate housewives SAHM box...

Is that a cell phone or is she shooting up a distress signal?  You decide.

Why is there no good phrasing for what I do?  I feel like I can hear their responses before the words come out of my mouth.

I am a stay-at-home mom.  That's not a "real" job.
I am a full-time mom.  What mom isn't?  
I work at home taking care of my kids. That sounds cushy.  
I am the family manager.  Oh...she is a stay-at-home-mom.
I am a domestic engineer.  Cheesy. 

One reason I freeze is because I am very aware that some people think what I do isn't really "work." Let there be no mistake...I work.  I work hard.  If I didn't do my job then we would have to pay someone else (a lot of money!) to do it, which makes it very much a real job and real work.

And here is the thing... This is the most challenging job I have ever had.
This job is very much an outside-the-box kind of job.
There is no procedure manual for what I do.
No one else has ever worked with the people I work for.
This job is both monotonous and totally unpredictable.
This job is frustratingly thankless and unbelievably gratifying.
This job is hilariously entertaining and painfully boring.
This job is mentally, emotionally, and physically demanding.
A day at this job rarely goes how I plan for it to go.
This job does not pay and has no benefits, but it is the most rewarding job I have ever had.
This job does not have performance reviews, Christmas parties, or bonuses...I miss that stuff.
There is no such thing as leaving work at work with this job.

What I do is complicated.  It is as complicated as the person I am and the two people I care for.

I love what I do, I just don't have a good two-sentence answer for what I do, and I am starting to be o.k. with that.  As I said, it's complicated. I can deal with the SAHM box because at the end of the day I am happy about what I do - thrilled actually.

There are days I have cried because it is so hard.  There are days when a job that pays money and involves a desk and a quiet (or noisy) office sounds heavenly.  But there are never days where I would choose differently.

I keep two small human beings alive (and well!) every day.  Specifically these two nuts...

Maybe I will just start saying that...

I keep two small human beings alive and well...and knowing they are loved...every day.

And not just any two human beings - the ones God has entrusted to me.  Now that is a BIG job.

My disclaimer:  I understand and respect that every mother, and every family, makes the decision that is best for them regarding their jobs and children.  I understand and respect that many mothers work (by choice or not by choice) for financial or sanity reasons.  However you do it...keep on keepin' on mommas!

Comparison

One of my favorite quotes is about comparison.

It is from C.S. Lewis...

Comparison is the thief of joy.

I really needed that quote yesterday...but I didn't think of it until today.


Social media sources (Facebook, blogs etc.) are often really great for moms like me who take care of kids full-time.  Friends can "keep up," advertise activities, share valuable parenting information and advice, or simply encourage one another through the challenges of the "terrible 2s," and the even more terrible 3s.  There are days where it feels like Facebook is my only contact with the outside world (I'm not a big fan of those days).

One problem with social media is that it can be a breeding ground for comparison.

Yesterday was kind of a lousy day for me.  I woke up feeling sick and didn't recover until about noon (no, I am NOT pregnant!).  My girls did not decide to give mom a break by taking care of themselves (go figure), and the phrase "if momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" could have been our Monday motto.  By 6pm the house looked as if we had been robbed, and I fed the children chicken nuggets for lunch and dinner, the dinner nuggets coming from Wendy's.  I was "off" all day.  The highlight of our day was swim lessons where Abby clawed at me like a monkey for 30 minutes in the cramped and sweaty parent section as I tried desperately to watch Sam take her 30 second turns.

Contrast my day with the images I saw on Facebook and blogs of my friends enjoying a spectacular San Diego day at various parks, pools, and beaches with their jubilant children.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

I felt extra bummed out about my day because I compared.  Look how much fun everyone else is having! Look how happy they are! And just like that, comparison robbed me.

Comparison robbed me of joy that I could have felt even on a crummy day.  Like joy that I have two healthy darling girls.  Or joy that my kids are my full-time job. Joy in watching Sam splash around that pool.  Joy that even on a "sick day" I got to hang out with these delightful little people in a backyard filled with flowers.  The list could go on and on.  

COMPARISON IS THE THIEF OF JOY!

Oh yeah, and "wherever you are, be all there."  That quote is a good companion to "comparison is the thief of joy."  Isn't that the theme of someone's blog?  

 Shame on me.


Another good quote about comparison... 

Don't compare your inside to someone else's outside.