SNOW!

One of our favorite annual traditions is spending President's Day weekend at Big Bear Lake with Chris' siblings.  All 10 of us are graciously hosted by their uncle at his mountain home. This is the third year we have been fortunate enough to have GREAT SNOW for our holiday weekend together. And this is the first year that Abby was old enough to play on her own in the snow. She loved it. Of course she did.

We didn't have any snow in Chicago this Christmas, and San Diego isn't known for the white stuff, so it FILLED ME UP to be in snow, 40 degree temps, and the mountains for 3 days. I think mostly it reminds me of that glorious state of CO we called home for 7 years. That, and the Scandinavian in me feels at home in brisk temperatures and winter gear.

Outside the house we enjoyed walks in the snow, sledding, and a tubing hill. Most of the group skied on Saturday, but given our stage of life and the age of our kiddos we haven't yet been able to join them for that part of the weekend. I am a bit of a ski-snob after years of skiing in Breckenridge, Keystone, and Vail, but I will admit that this year the mountain looked REALLY appealing. Maybe in 5 years.

Inside the house we spent time eating together, watching movies, drinking coffee, napping, reading, and just sitting around together and talking. Enjoying the cousins enjoying each other is always a highlight of the weekend for me. It is a weekend where we can turn off and just BE. Chris' uncle and his wife are AMAZING hosts and make us all feel incredibly welcomed and cared for.

I'm already looking forward to next year.

A memorable movie theather experience on my 33rd birthday

On Feb 3rd I turned 33. In some ways 33 sounds and feels "old" to me, I mean I am firmly "in my thirties" now. In other ways I still feel like a spring chicken and regularly have days where I don't feel old enough to be driving, let alone carting my offspring around with me.  Anyway, back to my birthday...

It was a GREAT birthday. One of the best ever actually. Birthdays have been a growing and learning experience for us as a couple. There have been some hits and some misses. Chris has come a LONG way in the last 10 years. This year he completely out-did himself. So as not to embarrass him, I'll just say that breakfast, gifts, flowers, and written words (my love language!) were involved. It was wonderful.

The grand finale for my birthday was a date. I always have the same request for my birthday date...sushi and a movie. These two things are hard to come by these days, mostly because my husband isn't a fan of sushi and, well, we have children.

So we had a lovely sushi dinner (well I did, he had Korean BBQ), complete with a view of the sun setting over the ocean, and after dinner we went to a quirky theater, which is also a historical landmark in North County San Diego.

The theater looked something like this back in 1928 when it was first opened...

I doubt that the interior has changed much since then. Seriously. 

Here is how the movie theater experience went. I'm not making any of this up.

- Arrive at theater at 6:10pm for 6:30pm movie. No one is there (except for a few confused patrons like ourselves), the box office is dark and clearly closed. But then we notice a sign that says, "Be back at 6:20pm". Ok.

- 6:25pm a borderline homeless looking man wearing a backpack, army boots, and accompanied by two small white dogs unlocks the theater door and disappears for a few minutes. The man reappears and flips on a light in the box office booth to take our payment (cash only) for the show.

- We enter the FREEZING cold theater lobby and check out the concession stand. I see hot tea on the menu. Interesting. We pay for candy, a soda, and hot tea. A rugged looking man takes a tea pot off of a hot plate and pours steaming hot water into a Styrofoam cup for me and then points to a stack of 5 boxes of herbal tea for me to choose from. Alright. I help myself to Pomegranate Pizazz, thank you.

- We enter the huge FREEZING cold theater and look for seats without large holes  No kidding.

- It's 6:40pm. It's 6:50pm. People have trickled in and at 6:55pm they decide to start the 6:30pm showing of The Descendants.

- Oh, did I forget to mention that the two small white dogs from earlier are wandering around the theater darting down various rows and startling unsuspecting movie-goers?  Yep, they sure were.

- We FREEZE while watching the movie, but at least I had my hot tea and the film took place in Hawaii,  which both helped...a little bit.

It was a hilarious and very entertaining movie experience thanks to the theater, and it made my 33rd birthday even more memorable.

I love that in this time and place dominated by money, the clock, and the allure of all things new, shiny, and beautiful, places like La Paloma Theater still exist. It was rustic and grungy and homemade and TOTALLY charming. We'll be back to this theater for sure, maybe when I'm 34...and we'll dress warmer.

When life is hard

Life is really hard sometimes.

Over the past few months some REALLY terrible and difficult things have happened to dear friends.

I'm honestly not sure what is worse, painful events in my own life, or painful events in the lives of people I love.

When terrible things happen in life I have come to learn through experience and observation that there are three simple things we can do. Three simple things that can help both the receiver and the giver.

PRAY. Is there a greater gift you can give another person than prayer? And I'm not talking about just saying that you will pray. I'm talking about really praying...regularly...or on the spot...or over the phone...or even through a text or email. This might seem uncomfortable at first, but I have learned through a friend who is in the habit of praying for me at the end of our phone conversations that it is such a gift to be prayed for right then and there. I mean what better thing can you do for someone than implore the God of the universe on their behalf??? Yes, please. Anyone can do that for me, anytime.

GO THERE.  I mean physically go there. Sometimes even if they don't want you to go there. Whether it is the hospital, or their home, go there. If you aren't super close to the person just drop something at their door. Or if you live far away, mail something.  It is very meaningful to know someone made the effort to come to your home to reach out in support. You can just insist on a quick hug. You don't have to stay long, and there are never "the right words to say" so no point in fretting about that. It is about presence. It is about physically being with someone who is hurting and hurting with them. One of the most meaningful things that has ever happened in my life was when a wonderful friend had heard the news of us losing our baby boy 18 weeks into pregnancy and she showed up at our door, unannounced, with a gallon of milk, ingredients for tacos, tears, and a hug. I have no idea what she said other than "I'm so sorry." I know I didn't want to see anyone at the time, but I was SO GLAD she took the risk and came to see me. I will never forget that.

FOOD. Bring food. Milk, cookies, a full grocery bag, a prepared dinner, a loaf of bread, a gift card for a restaurant, WINE!...whatever. It's simple really, but it is a way to meet a physical need. It helps someone in a fog of grief or sadness or depression to not have to think about one more thing and save their energy.

These three things have made a big difference in my life during a hard time and so I can only imagine that they would make a difference in some way for others. Challenges and sadness will just keep happening in this life, so it is good to get into practice of how to support friends and family when those times come.

I don't want to end this post without some hope so I will share a paraphrase my (therapist) husband often sites from Kahlil Gibran about sadness and joy... "to the extent you truly experience sorrow, you will experience joy." Follow that? If I have known deep sorrow my joy will be bigger and deeper. I think this is true. I know that because of my pregnancy losses I look at my girls differently, more thankfully.

In my greatest time of grief my dad shared with me how C.S. Lewis relates sorrow and joy: "the pain now is part of the happiness then." In his book A Grief Observed Lewis reminds us that the pain we confront while living on earth, in what Lewis calls the shadowlands, will - one day - serve to intensify the joy of a shadowless heaven (my dad's quote).      

Laura Story has another philosophy on pain in her amazing song Blessings..."What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life is the revealing of a greater thirst than this world can satisfy."

These lofty concepts are things we can come to realize after much time and reflection and I believe really do address the problem of pain and speak of hope and redemption. But in the moment, in the thick of it, we need prayer, presence, and food. We need love and support from people who care about us, or even from strangers.