Book recommendation: Heaven is For Real

While I slacked off and didn't read the book for my book club this month, I did finally pick up this book that my sister lent to me....mostly because I'm going to see her soon and she will want it back...and because the book is so, well, YELLOW, which doesn't let you to forget about it.

I ended up reading this book in 3 sittings over a 24 hour period.  I couldn't put it down.

One of those reading times started in a Starbucks, but I had to retreat to my car and drive to the parking lot of a nearby park...because I was WEEPING.  I mean WEEPING.

If you haven't already heard about this book, basically, it is about "a little boy's astounding story of his trip to heaven and back." For real.  Heaven.  There is probably a ton of skepticism and criticism circulating out there about the authenticity of this story, as I'm sure there is with any book related to this topic, or based on the testimony of children. As I read this book I used the same tool I was encouraged to use when reading research studies in grad school and asked myself, "Does this ring true?" For me, it did.  Is it Gospel truth? No. Is every detail accurately remembered?  I doubt it. But does it ring true?

The book is simply written and a fast read.  And it has been on the New York Times Best Sellers list for 35 weeks (if that fact lends any credibility for you).

If you are a skeptic, read before you criticize; that is the only fair thing to do.
If you are a doubter, give it a try and see what the book does for you.
If you are a believer, the content of this book will resonate.
If you have ever wondered what Jesus looks like, His picture is between pages 74 and 75. For real :)
If you have EVER had a miscarriage, you will feel hope. I did.
If you are an adult (I'm guessin' you are!), you will be moved by a child's simple account of the complex.
If you love a child, you will be encouraged to keep really loving that child, and other children too.
If you have ever lost anyone, you will be comforted.
If you have $10 and want to read it, click here and buy it...then pass it on.

Out of the mouths of babes.

A shout out for Book Club

Last night I went to BOOK CLUB.

I have been going to this book club for almost two years now.  My wonderful neighbor invited me when we first moved in.  I am so glad she did.

I love this book club because it has nothing to do with being a mother.  I love this book club because it is made up of a very diverse group of people.  Different ages, different stages, different racial and geographic backgrounds, different political and religious views. There is only one other woman with young kids in the group, but she is British, and doesn't go to my church, so even the two of us are "different" from each other.
It is so refreshing to spend one night a month with these great women.

I also love this book club because they let me come even when I haven't read the books.  Seriously, we are very accepting of members who haven't read the books.  I think last night was my third time this year freeloading on the conversation and the food.  Given that it is only July, my 2011 stats aren't great.

Have I mentioned that we have dinner together?  I love this book club because we always have great food and wine, which definitely helps in encouraging stimulating conversation...some of the time.  And some of the time we just bash the book, catch up on each other's drama, or talk about movies and current events.

Funny enough, we have even read some really good books at book club... Still Alice, Sarah's Key, and The Help. And there were a bunch of others that were just all right.  And a few that weren't all right at all.

My point is, I enjoy this book club for many reasons other than in addition to the books.  And that's A-O-K.

A sample of our recent books.  Want to borrow one?

Technology part 2: Step away from the laptop

Something has been bothering me lately.  

I have been waiting for Samantha (now 4 years old) to make a comment or request regarding our technology practices.  Something resembling:
"Mommy, can you stop looking at the computer, I am trying to talk to you."  
"Daddy, don't look at your phone while we are at the park." 
"Mommy, I don't want you to have the computer on your lap while we are watching Curious George."  
"Hey you guys, can you turn those things OFF!" 

Sam is an analytical, inquisitive, smart little cookie (if I do say so myself)...but she has never uttered a word or comment remotely resembling those above.  I've been thinking that this is really strange. Then, recently, I started thinking about how it may make perfect sense.

the kids, the laundry basket, the laptop...always close by.

I don't think Sam has made a request for her parents to turn off/shut down/ look away/take a break from our beloved technology because, perhaps, SHE DOESN'T KNOW IT IS AN OPTION.  She may not even know these things TURN OFF.  Honestly, I wonder (just speculating here, of course) if our laptops, cell phones, etc. are so much a part of our daily life that my daughter wouldn't even think to ask us to take a break from them.  It would be like Sam asking me to stop showering or doing dishes.  Maybe she doesn't ask because she thinks that it is an essential part of life.
But, how essential is it?

These new thoughts on this topic make me sad.
My daughter should know that she can ask me to stop tinkering with my technology.

On one hand, technology makes me a better mom.  Seriously.  Being a stay-at-home-mom can be lonely and isolating and technology can make me feel more connected, and thus re-fuel me for the sometimes looooooong days taking care of my little people.  I also use my beloved laptop for my kids.  I find parks, deals on diapers, activities, events, and craft ideas. I use email, text messages, Facebook etc. to coordinate activities and playdates for my kids.

On the other hand, while it only takes me a couple minutes to quickly check my email, Facebook, or a website, one little click often leads to many more and it can make me distracted from my kids. 

the laptop's normal resting place

I decided recently that I am going to stop waiting for Samantha to ask me to power it down or turn it off, and instead make the decision to do that myself more often.  One day last week I decided to remove the laptop from it's counter space in the kitchen and keep it upstairs for the afternoon. Honestly, it was a little hard not to have the computer there when I wanted it, but it was also really nice.  Out of sight, out of mind.  I am going to try to do this more often.

Even if it only takes a few minutes, I think mommy's technology time is sending a message that distracted communication is normal...and I am NOT OK with that.

I know it won't be long before I am asking my girls to put down their phones, or stop playing on the computer, or to look at me when they talk to me.  I need to start making some changes regarding technology use, or we are going to have a serious case of "do as I say, not as I do" on our hands.

I'm just writing about my own experience here, but maybe it is yours too.  
What, if anything, do you do to limit your technology use while you are parenting?

Technology part 1: No more luddites

My 4 year old has been at day camp this week and I have a new found love for iced green tea (caffeinated!). What do these two things have in common?  They have given me a little extra time and energy this week. This surplus of time and energy has led to more thinking than usual.  Dangerous, I know.  

I have been thinking about kids these days and technology.  Wow, that statement makes me sound old.

I remember the Christmas (of 1989, I think it was) when we got an Apple IIGS and my little sisters and I played Marble Madness, Clue, and Wheel of Fortune with much enthusiasm.  And then there was The Oregon Trail during computer time in 5th grade.  As far as research for school papers and projects...I remember my mom buying encyclopedias from a door-to-door salesman.  And I was old enough to remember that he was good looking (which is probably why she bought said reference books). I remember sending my first email during my senior year in high school.  I remember my husband and me buying our first cell phone (just one between the two of us, mind you) during our first year of marriage...in 2002.  I've still never tweeted (is that a verb?), and I'm not sure I know what it is exactly yet.

Contrast that to my children's experience.  They were born into a world quite comfortable with...the Internet, cell phones, laptops, texts, twitter, iTunes ETC. ETC. ETC.!  Abby's sweet face was posted to Facebook before she left the hospital.  My children regularly Skype with their grandparents.  We can find Samantha answers to most questions using the Internet, and can often locate a video example regarding her inquiries (what does it look like when baby chicks hatch?...let's go find it on Youtube).  My children probably won't know what a printed encyclopedia is...unless they see one in a museum.

Have you ever heard the term luddite? 

I first heard this term in my Computer-mediated Communication class in graduate school, and I think I may have a little luddite in me.  Here is how Urban Dictionary defines it:

1. luddite:  One who fears technology (or new technology, as they seem pleased with how things currently are...why can't everything be the same?)

I don't know if kids these days have the option of being luddites or technophobes.  Technology is so much a part of their experience on this planet I feel like they wouldn't know to fear it or be against it.  I think the term luddite may be reserved for those of us who took residence on this planet before the Internet.

To say that it is a different world, technologically speaking, than when I grew up would be a gross understatement.  New technology holds many really REALLY positive things for our kids.  Connectivity, information accessibility, new avenues for self expression, global village...just to name a few.  There are, of course, plenty of negative and scary issues associated with technology where children are concerned.  Just ask Dateline NBC.  I feel like part of my job as a parent is to encourage AND protect my children regarding technology. And I'm sure I will learn A LOT about technology from my kiddos along the way too...as long as I'm not a luddite.

Next week, with the help of another morning activity for my 4 year old and more green tea for me, I will post about something specifically related to technology and my kid that has been bugging me lately.

So true

This week I read a great blog post that I HIGHLY recommend called What Fit Actually Looks Like 

If my recommendation and the title don't grab your attention, maybe this picture will.  

This picture is discussed in the post.

I love this topic, and have considered writing about it, but the author of rageagainsttheminivan.com (I don't know her personally, but wish I did) covered the topic beautifully, so I won't bother.

This woman's experience is, in many ways, similar to mine.  I trained for and ran a half-marathon after my second daughter was born thinking it would melt the baby weight right off of me.  It didn't.  But I was in great shape.

If getting/being healthy and fit hasn't changed your body the way you had hoped, you will relate to THIS. And you will laugh too!

What does fit look like for YOU?

A beach play date deferred

A big part of why we moved from Colorado to California was this.

However, we also have these.

Despite what Coppertone commercials may lead you to believe, 

babies and the beach just don't go together very well...or at least they don't go together easily.

Some friends were heading to the beach this morning for a play date.  Sam is at a YMCA day camp this week, so it would have been just Abby and me at the coast.  I thought about joining these fabulous moms and kiddos to frolic in the sand and surf, but then I thought about HOW MUCH WORK IT IS to have a 15 month old at the beach...at least my 15 month old.  The sunscreen, the sand, the bending over, the futile efforts to keep the hat on her head, the never ever taking your eyes of your kid for a single solitary second.

I've seen kids sit nicely on the sand and play with buckets and shovels while periodically dipping their toes in the water.  But I have NEVER seen my kids do this. Saltwater runs through my husband's veins, and I do believe it may run through my daughter's veins as well. I spend my time at the beach saving my kids from themselves. As babies and toddlers, both of my girls have approached the beach experience in the same way....they crawl or run straight for the water.  Every time. Over and over and over again.

Exhibit A.

It wasn't until age 3 that Sam was safe enough to actually play well at the ocean.  We got to this place of fun and safety because we had to let her be taken out (multiple times!) by waves in order to teach her a healthy fear of the water.  That, and we got her a wetsuit.  The problem for Sam is that despite the fact she has finally reached a great age for the beach, she now has a baby sister...who isn't walking...and who is brave...and who likes to eat sand. I just can't handle them both at the ocean by myself right now.

Don't hear this post as a complaint.  It most certainly is not.

We go to the beach a lot (with Daddy).  And we love it.  And we feel so blessed to live near it.
But even things you love can be a lot of work.  Like marriage.
I digress.

I just didn't have a beach play date in me today.  That's all I'm saying.

Delta update

Well, my Delta rant has paid off...literally.

After our lost/delayed luggage finally arrived I mailed my receipts, a letter, and a copy of this blog post (slightly edited) to the airline.  On Friday, I received an email from Katy the Claims Manager telling me that I would be receiving a check for $178.36, reimbursing me for the purchases I made while our bags were missing.  Fabulous!  The totally unnecessary new pjs, hairdryer, and toiletries for all four of us have been great - and now they are free.

Katy went on to say that as a "goodwill gesture" Delta was giving us $300 credit with the airline.  Within 12 hours of receiving Katy's email I took my goodwill gesture straight to delta.com and booked my "lap child" her own seat for our next (4 hour) Delta flight coming up in a August.

I am convinced that flying with a 15 month old on your lap (or your feet, or your head) has to be pretty darn close to what it would be like holding and containing a chimpanzee on a plane. Except that you can probably bring a cage on the plane with you for a chimpanzee...and they actually kick people off flights these days if you can't keep your toddler quiet and still.  I'm so glad that a 5-point harness is now going to be an option for our little monkey next time we are airborne.  Thank you for that Delta.

In the end, here is how it all shook out:

Two suitcases and two car seats missing for 48 hours, MANY long phone calls, some lost sleep, 

nervousness that I would never be able to replace those red shoes of mine 

VS.

$178.36 worth of free stuff at Target and a seat for our wild and crazy Abby-cadabby in August

When all was said and done, I think we came out on top.

Operation baby walk

Abby is over 15 months old now, and she STILL ISN'T WALKING.

She was an early crawler and is, in many ways, physically aggressive, but walking apparently isn't her thing. She has a few habits working against the walking cause:  she crawls really fast; she is a climber; she cruises around furniture with the greatest of ease; she is always up on her toes; and last, but not least, she walks on her knees.

Have you ever seen a baby do this?

I hadn't either.  She does this all over the whole house.  I fear that she thinks this IS walking.

Abby is a doll, but she is nearing 25 lbs, and it is summer, and I want to be able to PUT HER DOWN (which is where she wants to be anyway).  People look at you funny when you let your baby crawl down the sidewalk, or knee-walk all over a playground with the big kids.

I stepped it up a notch this week and put shoes on her.  I make her walk holding on to my hand all day long. I pick her up and set her on her feet a bazillion times a day.  I place her in front of every pushable/movable item in our home (strollers, shopping carts, cars, bikes, chairs, even her sister).  She did 5 or 6 steps a couple times this week, so we are making progress.

I know, I know, check in with me in a month or so when she is running circles around me and I will probably regret operation baby walk, but for now, I am on a mission!

Vulnerability and parenthood

I have had no experience quite as vulnerable as parenting.

Parenthood and vulnerability go together for at least 3 reasons I've thought about recently:

#1     To love another person to the extent that a parent loves a child leaves the parent vulnerable to loss, and pain, and the fear of loss and pain.

The day that I became a parent I was immediately overwhelmed with the feeling of extreme vulnerability.  I have a human being's life in my hands.  I am in charge of protecting this child.  What if something happened to her?  What if someone tried to harm her? What if she gets sick? What if I lost her? What if, what if, what if...

I read the following Anne Lamott quote on a friend's blog recently, and I think it pretty much sums up this point:

"When I held my son alone for the first time...I was nursing him and feeling really spiritual, thinking, Please, please, God, help him be someone who feels compassion, who feels God's presence loose in the world, who doesn't give up on peace and justice and mercy for everyone.  And then one second later I was begging, Okay, skip all that sh!@#$, forget it - just please, PLEASE, let him outlive me."

#2     Parenthood makes you vulnerable to the eyes of others because our children are often our choices on display.

It is true that kids are born with personality and individuality that we get to discover as the days and years go by.  Nature.  But there is, of course, much nurturing involved in parenting.  While parents can't be blamed (too much) for nature, nurture is pretty much up to us.

Sleeping, nutrition, dress (see picture), language, manners, discipline, respect, activities, education.  Our choices regarding these areas bounce around with us in car seats, parks, grocery stores, churches, and schools.  Our parenting choices are constantly on display for the world to see, whether we like it or not. Our kids shout our choices and habits from the rooftops. Vulnerability.

#3 Parenthood makes you NEED other people.

I don't care who you are or how amazingly gifted you are in the realm of parenting, you can't do it alone. The design and best case-scenario for parenthood is of course two people.  But you actually need more than two. As parents we need each other's ideas, support, shoulders-to-cry-on, honesty, grace, and love.  I have always been very independent, but parenthood has made me need my friends and family like no other experience I have ever had.  The experience of needing others makes you vulnerable, but it also requires that you be vulnerable with others.

So what to do with all this vulnerability?
Here is what I think...

Regarding #1: Get down and Look up. 

Translation = pray, pray, pray.  My feelings of vulnerability, and my fear of losing my children, have been a huge challenge in my life since becoming a mother. Experiences with early and late miscarriages, as well as scary visits to the ER for both my kids, have made me VERY aware of how little control I have in this life. Parenthood has caused me to pray like never before and ask for prayer like never before.  The good news is that the feelings (and reality) of vulnerability that come with parenthood can lead to greater intimacy with God.

Regarding #2:  Get over it.
Think of the eyes of others as accountability for the big things (manners, or respect), and don't worry what people think about the other things (letting your kid wear costumes to the grocery store, tantrums, school choices).  While kids display our choices, they don't display our reasons.

Regarding #3:  Embrace it. 
VULNERABILITY LEADS TO INTIMACY. 
I could do a whole blog post on this topic, but I will save that for another time.

Be vulnerable.  Good things can come of it.

4 weddings in 6 weeks

We just completed a wedding celebration marathon last night.

The last five years or so we have had a lull in weddings, but not this summer.  Saturday night marked our 4th wedding in 6 weeks.  That is a lot of vows, a lot of bridesmaids, a lot of dancing, and A LOT of fun!

These weddings have been incredibly diverse, and all wonderful. The brides and grooms have included a co-worker, cousins, and a childhood friend.  The locations have stretched from coast to coast. The venues brought us to a boat in Newport Bay...a tree-lined Southern driveway in Lynchuburg, VA...a church in Bluefield, WV...and a converted camp in the hills of Malibu.

Last night's wedding in Malibu was a really special wedding because it was also a reunion.  Our table at dinner included:
- my elementary school best friend (see picture)
- my summer camp and youth group buddy
- someone I had play dates with in Kindergarten
- a dear family friend who spent every 4th of July at our house
- my first "serious" high school boyfriend
- my senior prom date

The groom and I have been friends since childhood because our parents are really close friends.  Our families used to go on vacation together when it was still legal to throw 4 kids in the back of a station wagon and hope for the best during a 12 hour drive from Chicago to North Carolina.  It was incredibly special to be at this wedding with my parents and all these people I literally grew up with.

Something the groom's dad, who also officiated the wedding, said last night in the message really stuck out to me.  He addressed the fact that marriage is a bold and risky endeavour.  He said that some people who climb mountains, sky dive, and bungee jump from bridges wouldn't even attempt marriage.  It's just too risky. He is so right!

Pledging to have and hold another person from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance...that is RADICAL stuff!  Risky stuff.  Stuff I believe you can only do with God as your foundation and help.

There is one thing about these 4 weddings in 6 weeks that has been the same.  

My date.  

The guy I risked it all for almost 9 years ago.

Best risk I ever took.

Here are my wedding awards (they all got one):

Best location.  

Calamigos Ranch in Malibu.

You can (and should) visit The Malibu Cafe at Calamigos Ranch 

for lunch or dinner if you are ever in the area.

Hottest wedding.

Lynchburg, VA...Abby's face and fans say it all.

Most unusual.

I forgot my camera at this wedding, but here is what the boat looked like.

What a cool experience!

Except you can't leave early.

Most adorable bride.

All 4 brides were beautiful, but Paige is my cousin...and she is adorable :)

Just look at her.

Sam was sure she was being held by a princess...and she was.

A week of firsts

Cousins at Quail Gardens.

My sister Jenny and her family have been here visiting from Nashville for the past 6 days.

I could write a blog entry about what a great time we're having, how wonderful it is to be together, all the fun stuff we've done, how much I miss her and love her sweet family, etc. etc. etc.

But I recently did that, and to do it again so soon would just be nauseating, wouldn't it?  Blah blah blah, I love my sisters.

So instead, I will mention a few "firsts" that have happened over this past week...

FIRST TIME 10 month old Jackson has been to our house.
The cousins have had a great time playing together and Sam loves taking care of the babies.  I think Jackson's favorite part of his time at our home has been Bailey the dog (much to the chagrin of his anti-dog parents).

FIRST TIME attending a local event in Cardiff. We went to Cardiff-by-the-Sea's 100th birthday celebration parade on July 2nd.  Bands, beach cruisers, dogs, yoga clubs, local surf hero (Rob Machado).  It was cute, and it was totally Cardiff.

Can you guess which one is the surf hero?

FIRST TIME hiking at Torrey Pines.  Wow, wow, wow.  What took us so long to discover this place?!? We will all try to forget about the part where a snake slithered across Jenny's flip-flop wearing foot. Ewwwww. Instead we will remember the AMAZING views and mellow kid-friendly 2/3 mile trail loop.  I can almost guarantee you that if you come to visit we will take you here.

FIRST time Jackson was dressed up like this while visiting our house.  But certainly not the last. I told you I'd post this picture John!

FIRST TIME I have actually been sore the next day from body boarding.  My husband is so proud.  We spent the 4th of July at the beach...with the rest of San Diego County. It has been a long time since I have experienced such a "friendly" ocean; great water temperature, small waves, and plenty of people playing in the surf (which always makes me feel safer because the odds of a shark getting ME have to decrease with so many people in the water, right?).  My husband is not proud of this last comment.

John had to head back to Nashville today, but we get Jenny and Jackson for two more days.  Then, on Thursday, will be Jenny's FIRST TIME flying alone with her kiddo.  Don't worry Jen, you will do great, and it will be totally worth it for an extra two days together!