Vulnerability and parenthood

I have had no experience quite as vulnerable as parenting.

Parenthood and vulnerability go together for at least 3 reasons I've thought about recently:

#1     To love another person to the extent that a parent loves a child leaves the parent vulnerable to loss, and pain, and the fear of loss and pain.

The day that I became a parent I was immediately overwhelmed with the feeling of extreme vulnerability.  I have a human being's life in my hands.  I am in charge of protecting this child.  What if something happened to her?  What if someone tried to harm her? What if she gets sick? What if I lost her? What if, what if, what if...

I read the following Anne Lamott quote on a friend's blog recently, and I think it pretty much sums up this point:

"When I held my son alone for the first time...I was nursing him and feeling really spiritual, thinking, Please, please, God, help him be someone who feels compassion, who feels God's presence loose in the world, who doesn't give up on peace and justice and mercy for everyone.  And then one second later I was begging, Okay, skip all that sh!@#$, forget it - just please, PLEASE, let him outlive me."

#2     Parenthood makes you vulnerable to the eyes of others because our children are often our choices on display.

It is true that kids are born with personality and individuality that we get to discover as the days and years go by.  Nature.  But there is, of course, much nurturing involved in parenting.  While parents can't be blamed (too much) for nature, nurture is pretty much up to us.

Sleeping, nutrition, dress (see picture), language, manners, discipline, respect, activities, education.  Our choices regarding these areas bounce around with us in car seats, parks, grocery stores, churches, and schools.  Our parenting choices are constantly on display for the world to see, whether we like it or not. Our kids shout our choices and habits from the rooftops. Vulnerability.

#3 Parenthood makes you NEED other people.

I don't care who you are or how amazingly gifted you are in the realm of parenting, you can't do it alone. The design and best case-scenario for parenthood is of course two people.  But you actually need more than two. As parents we need each other's ideas, support, shoulders-to-cry-on, honesty, grace, and love.  I have always been very independent, but parenthood has made me need my friends and family like no other experience I have ever had.  The experience of needing others makes you vulnerable, but it also requires that you be vulnerable with others.

So what to do with all this vulnerability?
Here is what I think...

Regarding #1: Get down and Look up. 

Translation = pray, pray, pray.  My feelings of vulnerability, and my fear of losing my children, have been a huge challenge in my life since becoming a mother. Experiences with early and late miscarriages, as well as scary visits to the ER for both my kids, have made me VERY aware of how little control I have in this life. Parenthood has caused me to pray like never before and ask for prayer like never before.  The good news is that the feelings (and reality) of vulnerability that come with parenthood can lead to greater intimacy with God.

Regarding #2:  Get over it.
Think of the eyes of others as accountability for the big things (manners, or respect), and don't worry what people think about the other things (letting your kid wear costumes to the grocery store, tantrums, school choices).  While kids display our choices, they don't display our reasons.

Regarding #3:  Embrace it. 
VULNERABILITY LEADS TO INTIMACY. 
I could do a whole blog post on this topic, but I will save that for another time.

Be vulnerable.  Good things can come of it.