10 Years today!

TODAY is our 10th anniversary. 10 years! Wow. I'm so proud of us.

In honor of this momentous day I have summarized some of the big events that have occurred in 10 years of marriage, in a numerical countdown. Hey, what can I say, I'm up in the middle of the night feeding a baby so I have time to think up such things. So here's my little countdown...

10 years of marriage. That is approximately 3,650 days living together. And the vast majority of those days have been really good days.

9 new extended family members welcomed...3 brother-in-laws, 5 nephews, and 1 niece...plus another nephew coming in November

8 trips to hospitals...for some really good reasons and for some really awful reasons

7 years in Colorado...beautiful years full of beautiful people

6 family members gone to heaven...some way too soon

5 jobs between the two of us...2 for me and 3 for him

4 places of residence...in two states

3 amazing daughters...as well as 3 miscarriages

2 graduate degrees...MA Counseling and MA Communication

1 couple who made REALLY big vows at the REALLY young age of 23. Vows made in front of family, friends, and more importantly according to God's holy ordinance. Vows we have tried to live by for 3,650 days and vows we aim to live by for the rest of our days on this earth.

On October 12, 2002 we stood in front of each other on a beautiful fall day in the Chicago suburbs and pledged to faithfully love each other in good times and in bad, in times of plenty and times of need, in sickness and in health, to support and encourage...until death. We've lived through all those times in ten years...good, bad, plenty, want, sickness, health...a lot of those times are reflected in my little countdown. Marriage vows are a big big deal. Little words, pledging big stuff. Big beautiful and sometimes really hard stuff.

The picture above is my favorite shot from our wedding because it captured my favorite moment of that ceremony...the first act of our marriage...prayer. I honestly have no idea what we said in that prayer, but I know it was an emotional prayer and I know that while we were praying people in that sanctuary were praying for us and I know my sister and her husband were singing, "Jesus, Be the Center." 

And 10 years later that is still our prayer today...Jesus be the center...of our lives individually, our family, and our marriage.

I am so thankful for my amazing husband and these amazing 10 years. What an adventure it has been so far.

And now, on to our date night!

Here are some silly wedding memories and fun pictures from last year's 9th anniversary blog post.

Coldplay at the Hollywood Bowl...in review

The great thing about Part 1 of our 10th year of marriage celebration being mostly free is that we could do a Part 2. Friday night was Part 2 of our anniversary...a sold out Coldplay show at the Hollywood Bowl. And it was aaaaaaaaaaaaaamazing!

In 10 years of marriage we have been to 5 concerts. 3 of those have been Coldplay. We love their music and they put on quite a show.

We were totally exhausted going into this event because we were coming off of 12 straight days of birthday celebration, Disneyland, my sister and fam visiting, the stomach flu, and my last MOPS meeting of the year. At one point last week I actually suggested that we sell our tickets on Craigslist. But for Coldplay we decided we could rally. My sister and brother-in-law who live in LA County watched the girls (THANK YOU!) so we also got to spend much of the weekend with much loved family and our girls thoroughly enjoyed the cousin time. Win-win. Love that.

Here are a few things worth sharing about the night...

•  If you live in Southern CA and you haven't been to the Hollywood Bowl (we hadn't), find an excuse to go at some point in your life. This venue is REMARKABLE. Even though you are steps from the heart and chaos of all that is Hollywood, you wind through paths and trees and find yourself nestled in the hills of Los Angeles feeling like you are in a secluded location. You can even see part of the HOLLYWOOD sign from your seats. If we ever go again we will bring a picnic (since that is what everyone else was doing).

• What do you get when you have a seemingly unlimited budget and major creativity to put on a concert...you get an awesome light show, fireworks, human-sized bouncing balls above the audience, gallons of confetti, and everyone in the audience has a light up bracelet to add to the show...oh yeah, and COLDPLAY is performing their hearts out the whole time. We smiled and sang the whole night.

• This is an unbelievably grateful band. At all 3 shows we have been to Chris Martin never stops thanking the audience. He thanks us for coming, for giving up a Friday night (anytime Chris), for getting babysitters, for sitting very far away (that's always us), for giving them a good time, and for allowing them to have the best job in the world. They are gracious and they give each show 110%.

• The light up bracelets....for all 17,000 of us! What were these things? I still don't understand how they worked. The bracelets (lots of different colors) were somehow controlled to go on and off during certain songs and created the coolest twinkling lights effect. Here are a couple videos (12 and 6 seconds) showing the bracelets up close and the effect they created. Wow, wow, wow. Thanks for letting us be part of the show guys.

• The flawless weather and nearly full moon were an incredible bonus to the night. We can't stop thinking or talking about the evening. It was a perfect way to celebrate US!

• The only "negative" to our night was the fact that I am 6 months pregnant...and exhausted. After standing and "dancing" for 2 hours (at 9-11pm) I ended up feeling like I had been hit by a train the next day, I definitely required Starbucks on Saturday (which only kind of helped), and this morning we are "playing hooky" from church (I am still on the couch in jammies at 10am). Good thing it was all TOTALLY worth it!

Here is the mandatory self-portrait from the night...complete with blinding flash and a "photo-bomber".  

Although our anniversary celebration isn't going to be a big trip in October, like we had originally hoped/planned, I am really liking celebrating throughout our 10th year. And who knows, maybe we will think up a Part 3 to our anniversary between now and October. If there is ever an occasion to celebrate in a big way it is 10 years of marriage!

Celebrating our 10th year, Catalina Island

When we got married in October 2002 we honeymooned in Italy and Switzerland and at the time we told ourselves we would return to Europe for our 10 year anniversary. But alas, year 10 finds us with two children, one on the way, a mortgage, and a job. No Europe this year.

So for awhile we talked about a "plan B"... Hawaii. But then we got pregnant, and I don't want to go to Hawaii pregnant.  Big belly on the beach, no wine, no sushi, no energy...not to mention not enough frequent flyer miles or vacation days. No Hawaii.

So instead of Europe or Hawaii we decided on Catalina Island for 2 days. Yes, it was a huge downgrade from our original anniversary intentions, but it was a much needed getaway and celebration nonetheless. Not to mention that it was a FREE trip thanks to the fact that we listened to a time-share sales pitch back in October. And the best part of a free trip is that we get to have a Part 2 to our 10 year celebration...a Coldplay show at the Hollywood Bowl in May (woot woot!).

So back to Catalina. It was lovely. It was 55 hours (well 54 thanks to Daylight Savings) of relaxation, no agenda, and remembering what it was like to be just the two of us. THANK YOU Grandma Janet and Grandpa Bob for making this trip possible by spending the weekend with your grand-daughters!!!

We started the trip by going to Newport Beach Friday night so we could catch the boat to Catalina early the next morning. Our room wasn't too shabby and had quite a view...

Saturday morning we took a lovely 60 minute ride on this boat to Catalina Island.

Catalina is 22 miles by 8 miles, has ONE little town (population 3,500) and sits 22 miles off the coast.
It is BEAUTIFUL, peaceful, and for being so close to home it makes you feel like you are far away, in another country even - which is exactly what we needed - to feel away. This sleepy little island has no big chain businesses (no Starbucks even), no big hotels, and hardly any cars (people drive golf carts).

It was the perfect choice for our weekend.

When we originally chose this weekend for our trip we didn't think I would be pregnant so some of our plans had to be changed. Instead of zip-lines and off-road bumpy back country touring we took a more mellow approach and did a lot of walking and eating. 

Renting a golf cart for 3 hours was a highlight for me and a MUST if you ever go to Catalina. 

You can see the whole island in about an hour. 

A glass bottom boat tour was included in our vacation package. 

We also caught a movie at the historic theater on the island where an organist does a concert on the theater's organ for the hour before the movie.

We hiked a bit and saw where the Chicago Cubs used to have spring training (who knew???) thanks to Mr. Wrigley who was a very important person in establishing Catalina.
Always love a Chicago connection!

 But mostly this trip was about these two people.

It was incredible just to BE together.
Three days with no plans, no hurry, no one to take care of, no distractions. Three days of EYE CONTACT.
Year 10 is already shaping up to be one of our best!

We will be back to Catalina again I hope. It MAJORLY exceeded my expectations.

The gift of a date...or Venice meets Coronado

Here is a Christmas gift-giving idea for you this year...give a date.

A few years ago the four couples that make up my side of the family drew another couple's name for Christmas, the mission being to give that couple a date. We had a budget, and the thinking was that instead of spending a little money on a lot of people we could give one couple a really nice night out. It also supported the desire to receive less "stuff."

The first year we did this version of gift-giving Chris and I were given an AWESOME date to a Cajun style cooking class at a cooking school in the Denver area. It was fun, yummy, educational, and inspired us to buy a really nice chopping knife (which makes us feel like better cooks).

We tried out the date idea last year with Chris' family and we were given another WONDERFUL date, which we finally redeemed this past weekend (thanks to grandparents willing to babysit).

Here is what we did...

A sunset gondola ride through the Coronado Cays! 

It was scenic, peaceful, romantic, different, private, included a complimentary appetizer plate and a bottle of wine (provided by us)...and our gondolier even sang (quite well, thankfully). It was lovely.

If you have a special couple in your life and don't know what to give them, put a date together for them. 

If you live in the San Diego area, consider The Gondola Company as a gift for someone else...or for yourself.  If you want to add dinner, there is a fabulous French restaurant at the nearby Loews Coronado Bay Resort called Mistral, which was one of the best dining experiences we have ever had and includes great views of the bridge and the city.

We are giving dates again this year between my sisters and I need to start doing my research on great dates in Nashville. Any suggestions?

'O Sole Mio

A special wedding shower

I went to a wedding shower this weekend.

I have been to a lot of baby showers recently, but it has been awhile since I have been to a wedding shower so I had forgotten how fun they are.

At baby showers (at least for first-time moms) I usually feel like the inner dialogue of the mother-to-be is something like, "Oh my gosh, this stuff is so cute but I don't really know what it is for and I am a bit nervous about the part where I have to bring this baby into the world and after I do that I REALLY don't have a clue what the heck I am doing." There is always a wee little bit of anxiety at baby showers.

Whereas at bridal showers I feel like the bride-to-be is thinking, "Yesssss! I am so excited to use this housey stuff, wear this bedroom stuff, and I am SO EXCITED TO GET MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  All that to say, wedding showers are places of hope and bliss and romance and unbridled enthusiasm.  That's good stuff to be around.

This wedding shower was for my friend Carrie. We worked together as fellow dorm-moms at Rift Valley Academy in Kijabe, Kenya in 2001-2002.  Carrie threw me a surprise wedding shower in Kenya.  It has been very special to re-connect with Carrie since moving to San Diego. She is so happy and I am incredibly happy for her.

Carrie's wedding shower was an eye-opening experience for me for two reasons...

The first reason has to do with this Facebook status update I posted after shopping for Carrie's shower gift:

• 
  

  Emily

  I love the funny looks I get in Victoria's Secret with my sweats on, a baby in the Ergo, and a 4 year old running around...THIS is where it all leads VS shoppers...pay attention!

Seriously, being in that store with my two munchkins and wearing my leggings and most comfortable old sweatshirt, was like a social experiment. I wish I had been recording the looks I got. I stuck out like a sore thumb.  While standing in line I had to stop myself from cracking up at the IRONY of how out of place I felt in Victoria's Secret.  I seriously wanted to yell, "Guess what people...the big SECRET of this store is that it all leads to sweatshirts, leggings, carrying babies, and chasing preschoolers!" But I didn't. Instead I went home and posted on Facebook. And judging by the "likes" and comments it seems I am not the only one who appreciates the humor and irony of my experience.

Which leads me to the second reason attending a wedding shower was eye-opening...it reminded me how excited I was to get married.  Now, 9 years later, I am sick and tired of washing those dishes we registered for...and I don't even know where some of those fancy sexy bridal shower gifts have disappeared to. NEVERTHELESS...I want to try to keep that original enthusiasm for marriage alive...because marriage is something worth being excited about, no matter how long it has been.  In fact, the longer it has been the MORE excited I should be about marriage!

So as I write this, siting here exhausted in my trusty red sweatshirt, next to my tired husband, in our really messy house, while our darling girls sleep, I am resolving to appreciate married life more...like I did when we were first starting out. That, and to go to Victoria's Secret without my kids next time...and buy something for myself! 






9 memories of our wedding day on our 9th anniversary!

9 years ago today we said "I do"...or was it "I will"?

I am the kind of person who analyzes, questions, hesitates, prays, wrestles, and seeks counsel regarding big life decisions. But for as MASSIVE of a decision as "until-death-do-us-part" is, it was one of the easiest and clearest decisions of my life. No nerves. No second-guessing. No stress. No hesitation. No question.

No walk-in-the-park either. What marriage is?

We have been through things. We have struggled with things. We have grown through conflict. We have experienced joy and sorrow the likes of which we never could have pictured on that fall day in Wheaton, Illinois on October 12, 2002.

We get to celebrate our anniversary this weekend by going to our 10 year college reunion. Although we never really dated on campus (our romantic relationship didn't start until the very end of college), I can't wait to return to our old stamping ground with my husband/best friend/father of my children and remember where it all began.

OK, enough sappy-schmaltzy talk. Back to the point of this post.

 In honor of our 9th anniversary I am going to share 9 fun-facts/memories from our wedding day 

mostly in an attempt to see if I can actually remember 9 things...

#1 We have lousy wedding pictures. Our blessed event fell at a pre-digital, pre-creative time for wedding photography. The pictures do document the day, but they certainly aren't exciting. We never even ordered a wedding album. (It wasn't the photographers fault. I blame the non-creative time period.)

# 2 We were married by my high school youth pastor. It's kind of funny to be married by the guy I used to watch dunk himself through basketball hoops. Kind of funny, and kind of great.

#3 I had 6 family members participate in the music during our ceremony. Watch out Von Trapps.

#4 The music of our ceremony and reception included:
This Day (seating of family members)  Jesus, Be the Center (unity candle/couples prayer)  Be Thou My Vision & Great Is Thy Faithfulness (congregational hymns)  I Will Be There (first dance) Father's Eyes (father-daughter dance)  Volare (last dance)

#5 Our first kiss as husband and wife was a bit awkward. We should have had a game plan, or at least agreed on a final number of smooches. The pastor had to say, "that's enough for now."  Awkward.

#6 Our guest favors were soapstone bowls we hauled back from Kenya in our suitcases (wrapped in socks and underwear). We bargained for all 120 of them at various markets in Nairobi. I think they cost about 23 cents a piece.

#7  My family surprised me by making me lip-sync at my own wedding reception...with my maid-of-honor sisters as back-up singers/dancers.  Did you catch that? It was a surprise...to me...the bride. The three of us girls used to frequently do lip-sync performances of "The Boy From New York City" as children, so I guess they figured I was a good sport and the words would come back to me. They were right.

#8 When the night ended and we left the reception to head downtown Chicago to our hotel Chris accidentally took one of the guest's jackets, thinking it was his. We did not discover the jacket mix-up until the next morning. I have no memory of how we got the jacket back to this man. Did we?

#9 Some of our groomsmen put various phallic shaped vegetables in our departure limo.  Classy.

Happy 9th Anniversary to us!
Thank you God for an amazing and adventure-filled 9 years.
Can't wait to start our 10th.

Could we look more unnatural...or rigid...or YOUNG?!?!

My favorite wedding picture.
Praying after lighting the unity candle.

A 16-hour date OR Paying for what used to be free

We got to go on a 16-hour date this weekend.  Not that I was counting the hours or anything.

Chris' parents had plans to come to town for another reason (other than us - imagine that!?!) and they offered to come early and give us a date...a big overnight date.  We actually waffled about saying yes for awhile.  It wasn't great timing, as they were getting in late on Sunday night and we had plans on Labor Day, not to mention I had a lot of MOPS work to do.  But, we came to our senses and realized THEY HAD OFFERED and we would be crazy to pass it up.  Besides, our 9th anniversary is coming up next month so we would call this our anniversary celebration.  I always need a really good justification for spending money on myself, so the anniversary was just the thing!

We got on Priceline, picked our region, our quality of hotels (the highest available, please!) and placed our bid.  We were a little nervous as we waited for Captain Kirk to choose where we would be spending our anniversary date...
The Hyatt in La Jolla.  Sounds good to me!

Grandma and Grandpa arrived, the kids were thrilled, and we set out on our date at 6:30pm.  We took our tiny junky truck (sorry honey, just keepin' it real)...the one with NO CAR SEATS...the one we used to make-out in when we were 22 and in college...the one form of transportation we started our marriage with (unless you count a skateboard)...the vehicle in which I learned two lessons:  1. how to drive stick shift  2. I'm not a good student when my husband is the teacher.  Being together in that truck just makes me feel young and in love.  It also makes me feel like I want to pay a lot of money to have it professionally cleaned.

To make a long story short, we had a great date.  We ate at The Melting Pot which has relational significance for us as it is where we used to celebrate big occasions when we lived in Littleton, CO.  We finished dinner and took our REALLY full bellies back to our hotel at 10:30pm.  The hotel was wonderful, and even though we couldn't sleep in (4 years of children will TOTALLY kill your ability to sleep in) we also weren't summoned out of, or joined in bed by little people at 7am.  What a treat!

The morning was completely at our own pace.  We wandered to Starbucks and took a drive up to Mt. Soledad, a place I have wanted to see for some time.  We took in the panoramic sights of San Diego and marveled at the fact that we live in a place were people vacation. We are so blessed.  Then we meandered home via the coastal route and ran a few errands along the way.  16 hours later we returned, hugged our kids, and hugged Grandma and Grandpa even harder.

Thank you, thank you, thank you to these two for that much needed time together!

As I thought about our date two things hit me.  1. Sometimes it is a little bit of work to go on dates, but it is ALWAYS worth it. The prep, the packing, and the clean-up pale in comparison to having precious uninterrupted time with my husband.  Which leads me to 2. We essentially just paid good money (albeit not for babysitting) for what used to be free.

What did we pay for?  16 hours, just the two of us. Waking up in a room where no one else needed us or wanted us. Doing things according to our own clock. Having uninterrupted conversation. Getting out of a vehicle and not having to unbuckle anyone. Walking hand in hand and not paying attention to anyone else but each other. Driving in a car without turning around to tend to the backseat...not even once.

We had all of these "luxuries" for 4.5 years, but sometimes you don't know to appreciate things until they are gone, or at least changed. I never knew taking a shower, or being in the bathroom ALL ALONE would be a luxury. I never knew 16 hours with my husband would become a REALLY BIG DEAL.

But hey, sometimes you have to pay for what used to be free. Sometimes the act of paying for things that used to be free reminds you of what is important and sooooo worth investing in...like marriage, or our kids being able to someday say, Yeah, I remember Mom and Dad going on dates a lot...sometimes even overnight.

Windy Mt Soledad

love-love

Last night, August 1, 2011, marked 10 years that I have been wearing the same thing.  My engagement ring.

10 years ago, in Denver, Chris asked me to marry him.  I remember music, candles, one knee, dessert, and tears being involved.  I don't remember saltine crackers and Diet Coke, but based on the picture above, they were there too. Oh dear, and I am definitely wearing the same dress I wore to a baby shower last weekend. Note to self...GO SHOPPING!

Anyway, 10 years ago I said YES.  And then 2 weeks after I said YES I got on a plane and flew to Kenya, while my fiance returned to his job in Kauai.  Not an ideal arrangement for a newly engaged couple. We had faith then that distance (10,000 miles, actually) wouldn't be a problem, just like we have faith now that it will really be "forever" for us.

We celebrated last night with a surprise date (for Chris) to a tennis tournament.  A friend from Book Club gave me tickets to The Mercury Insurance Open, a US Open Series event for professional women's tennis.  We used to play tennis together when we were first married, we enjoy watching tennis on TV, and we are suckers for "big events," so we were excited to watch our first professional match together.

We didn't realize you can't really talk during a tennis tournament, which isn't ideal for a date. But you can whisper, which requires sitting very close to each other, and that is ideal for a date.

It also turns out they have a lot of rules for the spectators at tennis tournaments, and a lot of people enforcing the rules.  Like the guy who tried to make me sit in a separate location from my husband because the game was starting up again and apparently you are supposed to SIT DOWN...immediately...wherever you are...no matter what.  I pretended not to hear him.

Anyway, I had two thoughts last night while watching these athletes duke it out.

#1  I am getting old.  My back really hurt after sitting in those bleacher seats for a couple of hours.  And the competitors were 10 & 11 years old when we got engaged in 2001.

#2  There were a few years where our marriage was kind of like a singles tennis match. Two people on opposite sides of a net facing each other and trying desperately to WIN.  It wasn't our best season of marriage. We were on opposite teams looking out for our own interests.  At the time, a good friend who knew we were working on being more of a team would check in with us and ask how "Team K" was doing.

I am happy to report that on the TEN YEAR anniversary of the night we officially decided to become a team, we actually have become a good team.  Not a perfect team, but a good team.  Although we still need a lot of practice and coaching!

Oh my word who let these CHILDREN get engaged???

4 weddings in 6 weeks

We just completed a wedding celebration marathon last night.

The last five years or so we have had a lull in weddings, but not this summer.  Saturday night marked our 4th wedding in 6 weeks.  That is a lot of vows, a lot of bridesmaids, a lot of dancing, and A LOT of fun!

These weddings have been incredibly diverse, and all wonderful. The brides and grooms have included a co-worker, cousins, and a childhood friend.  The locations have stretched from coast to coast. The venues brought us to a boat in Newport Bay...a tree-lined Southern driveway in Lynchuburg, VA...a church in Bluefield, WV...and a converted camp in the hills of Malibu.

Last night's wedding in Malibu was a really special wedding because it was also a reunion.  Our table at dinner included:
- my elementary school best friend (see picture)
- my summer camp and youth group buddy
- someone I had play dates with in Kindergarten
- a dear family friend who spent every 4th of July at our house
- my first "serious" high school boyfriend
- my senior prom date

The groom and I have been friends since childhood because our parents are really close friends.  Our families used to go on vacation together when it was still legal to throw 4 kids in the back of a station wagon and hope for the best during a 12 hour drive from Chicago to North Carolina.  It was incredibly special to be at this wedding with my parents and all these people I literally grew up with.

Something the groom's dad, who also officiated the wedding, said last night in the message really stuck out to me.  He addressed the fact that marriage is a bold and risky endeavour.  He said that some people who climb mountains, sky dive, and bungee jump from bridges wouldn't even attempt marriage.  It's just too risky. He is so right!

Pledging to have and hold another person from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance...that is RADICAL stuff!  Risky stuff.  Stuff I believe you can only do with God as your foundation and help.

There is one thing about these 4 weddings in 6 weeks that has been the same.  

My date.  

The guy I risked it all for almost 9 years ago.

Best risk I ever took.

Here are my wedding awards (they all got one):

Best location.  

Calamigos Ranch in Malibu.

You can (and should) visit The Malibu Cafe at Calamigos Ranch 

for lunch or dinner if you are ever in the area.

Hottest wedding.

Lynchburg, VA...Abby's face and fans say it all.

Most unusual.

I forgot my camera at this wedding, but here is what the boat looked like.

What a cool experience!

Except you can't leave early.

Most adorable bride.

All 4 brides were beautiful, but Paige is my cousin...and she is adorable :)

Just look at her.

Sam was sure she was being held by a princess...and she was.

For the father of my children on Father's Day...

I NEVER KNEW how comforting and peaceful it would feel to watch you nap with our newborns on your chest, or walk with our toddlers on your shoulders.

I NEVER KNEW how fun it would be to see you in the faces and personalities of our children.

I NEVER KNEW what it would mean to me to have you tell me I was beautiful in the last unglamorous weeks of pregnancy, on the days I gave birth, or throughout the post-partum weeks (okay, 9 months) when I didn't feel good about myself.

I NEVER KNEW how full my heart would feel seeing the way our girls look at you, and run/crawl to you when you come home from work.

I NEVER KNEW you'd be the kind of dad who would move meetings in order to walk your daughter to her last day of preschool.

I NEVER KNEW how much I would need and appreciate your energy, creativity, and patience...especially at 6:30pm after a loooooooong day.

I NEVER KNEW you would be so calm and strong during pregnancy and child related visits to the ER. 

I NEVER KNEW what a good sport you would be about letting your daughter dress you up in crowns, robes, and yes, even tutus.

I NEVER KNEW that 4 years of parenting with you would feel like a bigger adventure than every big adventure we had together in the 4.5 years before we had kids.

But I ALWAYS KNEW you were going to be an amazing father.

Happy Father's Day, Chris.


  
Special thanks (again) to our wonderful and talented friend Mark Kuroda 
for the family pictures he took during our visit earlier this year.

Our best idea

Two kids rocked our world.

We were really cocky going into it.  Our kids were a comfortable 3 years apart, we had a great experience adjusting to one kiddo, and this baby was, after all, a major answer to a lot of prayers.  Adding another child would just be more of the same, right?  Wrong.

Now I should say that about the only thing we can blame baby Abby for in this earth-shattering transition was the fact that she was born.  She has always been a super easy baby, but babies, by nature, are very high-maintenance.  And the sleep thing.  Oh my. As a first-time mom, being sleep-deprived felt like a badge of honor.  The second time, child #1 takes that badge off your chest and stomps on it while having a tantrum...a tantrum that is probably more about the fact that mom is, well, different, than the fact that she can't wear her favorite shirt for the 4th day this week. The first time around I took naps, lots of naps.  The second time around, the "you sleep when they sleep" advice would probably land you on the local news:  Three year old found wandering around neighborhood picking flowers while mother napped.

What no one told us is that two children can be really hard on your marriage.  We did one child together and Samantha was a nice addition to our lives.  With two kids it was, as they say, divide and conquer.  Well, divide and conquer works just fine except for the divide part eventually takes a toll on mom and dad. It is such a cliche, but it was honestly a big deal when we could make eye-contact. Not only were we not together much, but when we were, neither of us (ok mostly me) had much left to give.

When Abby was about 9 weeks old we hit rock bottom (well, that's a little dramatic).  I had been minorly, but irritatingly sick on and off for the better part of Abby's short life and then I came down with some awful flu-bug.  For four days I became so sick and feverish I couldn't get out of bed, I couldn't eat anything, and I definitely couldn't take care of my children.  Oh, and Chris was out of town.  There is no fast-track in relational bonding like desperately calling your new friends and neighbors to take care of your children for you.  So, like I was saying, rock bottom.

When this storm passed Chris and I had a much needed heart-to-heart.  He said he missed me.  Wow. Ya know, come to think of it, I missed me too.  A lot.  We came up with a plan that day on our bed that goes down in our marital history as our best idea ever:  2 mornings "off" per week, per person.

While perhaps counter-intuitive we realized that in order to come together we needed to go apart.  In order to have anything left for each other, and in order to be better parents to these two darling girls, we needed to fill our own cups.

Chris doesn't usually have to leave for work until around 9:00am so we decided that each week we would give each other two mornings off, meaning you can do whatever you want, but be back at 8:30am showered and reporting for duty.  For Chris, this has meant:  surfing, breakfast with friends, studying for his upcoming exam.  For me:  running at the coast, walking with my i-pod, Starbucks and a journal...SOLITUDE.  It is not fun to wake up at 5:30 or 6:00am - I am NOT a morning person - yet, I cannot overstate what a difference this has made for us as individuals, as a couple, and as parents.  We have been doing this for 10 months and have no plans to stop.

Whether you are married or single, kids or no kids, what do you need to do to keep your cup full, or at least to not let it get totally empty?

Think about it.  Make a plan.  Do it.