Today is the third anniversary of the loss our baby boy, 18 weeks into pregnancy. Some of his story is here.
The paperwhite narcissus is the December birth flower, and a dearly loved friend gave me some paperwhite bulbs to plant in our yard in remembrance of Benjamin. She hoped they would bloom each December, and indeed, they are blooming now.Every year I have experienced this day differently. The first anniversary was heart-wrenching, and nerve-racking because I was pregnant with Abby. The second anniversary was a strange combination of sorrow and joy as I mourned for the little boy I never knew and rejoiced for the 8 month old girl we now had. Three years later, all that this date represents is forming a more clear chapter in my story...our baby feels like an angel watching and waiting...and Abby's life and presence in our family is an extra special blessing I cannot fathom living without.
Today I honor our baby by sharing the last few lines of a lament I wrote 3 months after our loss. A lament is simply a passionate expression of grief. Writing this poem was a major step of healing for me then, and continues to be now. My hope in sharing some of what I wrote is that perhaps someone else will be comforted, or possibly it will encourage someone to write a lament for some type of loss in their own life.
Benjamin Joseph, December 8, 2008
a portion of a mother's lament...
We held you and kissed you on that dark winter night
The darkness is fading, I see glimpses of light
I will carry forever the pain of this loss
Knowing it will be made right, thanks to the cross
The cross that unites us with our Father above
The cross where He reached out in His perfect love
With the cross I have hope, I will see you again
Knowing my pain now increases my joy then
Father God, I know deep down in my heart
That my child is with You, never to part
Christopher's son, Samantha's little brother
I thank you Lord that I am Benjamin's mother
If you think the full version of this poem might be an encouragement to you, or someone you know,
please contact me here and I would be happy to share it with you.
