When I think about our little Benjamin now, 4 years later, he is like an angel to me. He will always be part of our lives not because of his presence and his person, but because of the space that he created in our lives, the space that was once empty, but has now filled in with beauty.
Beauty like me realizing that my little family, but mostly my husband and my marriage needed to be my first priority.
Beauty like friendships that were forever changed because some brave people chose to walk with us through our grief. Friendships that mean so much more now because of that walk.
Beauty like my heart softening to a move.
Beauty like the house, the street, the school, the church, the community that make up our new beautiful life in CA.
Beauty like two little girls who would not have come into our lives in April 2010 and August 2012 if we had had a baby boy in May 2009 as we planned. To think.
Beauty like friendships that have grown out of a shared experience of sorrow and loss.
Beauty like the ability to understand and relate, if only a little bit, to the trials and heartache of others.
Sometimes we need empty spaces so that new things can fill in those spaces. Sometimes we need ashes so that beauty can enter in. Sometimes we need loss to receive new joys.
4 years later and the narcissus bulbs are about to bloom again in the backyard reminding me that things unseen can still live on.
Thank you little Benjamin for all you have taught me and all that shifted and entered our lives because of you.
Isaiah 61:1-3
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the Lord
for the display of his splendor.
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the Lord
for the display of his splendor.
